I was blessed that my family was able to pay off my credit card debt and allowed me to pay them back with no interest. I just paid them the last payment and instead of excitement and celebration. I feel nothing but shame and guilt. Because during this time I have accumulated more credit card debt. They do not know this. When it comes to mental health it is not something that is understood well in my family. I legit am addicted to spending and have no control over money. I just really hate myself right now. I hate lying to people. I know I can’t take looks of disappointment or back lash in this moment. Mentality I can not.
1 Heart
I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I understand. From my perspective I think it is good that you feel that way because it comes from a place in which you do not want to take advantage of family. Are you doing something to work on the addiction?
I would ask myself what made it easier to pay your family, but you can’t get to stop spending on the cc? What are the things you spend money on?
I cannot help much as I have no experience with this, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I have been in and out of debt for years. I run up credit card debt, pay it off, then do it again. And again. Right now I’m working on paying it off FOR GOOD! I joined Debtor’s Anonymous, which is a 12-step program that has helped me immensely. I suggest you attend a Zoom meeting of DA to see if it feels right for you. They have tools that will help you reach “financial sobriety”. To get your spending under control you’ll put together a spending plan that will allow some money for shopping but also money for paying off debt and for saving. I find that it really helps to hear from people who have been in my shoes and overcome the compulsion to shop. Speaking of which, there is a great book that I can recommend to you that may help you discover what’s behind your compulsive behavior. It’s called “To Buy or Not to Buy” by April Bensen. She spends a lot of time looking at the whys for our behavior, and what we can do in substitution that will feed our souls rather than diminish them. It’s a great book. There’s one other one that I’d like to suggest to you called “Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt and Live Prosperously” by Jerrold Mundis. It’s highly readable and he also talks about the need for a spending plan. You CAN turn your situation around! You just need some assistance. Let people - and books - help you! And post back to let us know your progress! Best of luck!