Feeling overwhelmed and really down

Hello everyone. I have had a very unbelieveable last few days. I spent six hours in hospital on Tuesday evening because I had an anaphalatic reaction to my allergy shot. While there I had a panic attack and now I am at work, having missed two days and feeling horribly overwhelmed!!!

I am also on a steriod to prevent any swelling for the next couple of days which makes me feel like I have drank a pot of coffee. I don't see my allergy specialist until next week or even the following week.

I was at home yesterday, mostly in bed, but feeling so low. I wasn't allowed anything to eat or drink in while in the hospital for 6 hours - for fear that I would choke or something. I hadn't had anything for lunch on Tuesday except a coffee. It is sad to say but I felt so happy. I got home on after midnight and went straight to bed. When I woke up in the morning I had no appetite and my husband begged me to eat a little. I did to please him but have had no appetite. I am anxious, have a head ache, am jittery and shaky but am feeling insanely good about it. I had to buy new pants again the other day and I went down yet another size. I am loving it and hating it at the same time. I never thought my ED was as big a problem as it is right now. I am supposed to be in recovery. I was really bad like 10-15 years ago. Yet here I am struggling so much. I think my depression has dipped again too. I went to donate blood the other day and didn't make it through the first screening process. My iron was too low.

I don't know exactly what I feel lately. I am happy at the weight loss yet am not. I am depressed, jittery, happy, sad, all over the place. I am not sure what to do even. I thought of making an appointment with my family doctor but for some reason am scared to do so. I think I am afraid she will tell me I am in worse shape than I think I am. Is this denial?????

Well, I suppose I should tackle the overwhelming amount of work that has piled up over the past couple of days here at work.

Thanks for being out there and giving me a chance to let some of my inner self out.
Love you all
Shana

Hmmm..... Steroids pednizone packs make me want to eat every thing under the sun. I wish we could take you and me and shake us up. LOL Hope things get better for you sweetie. Good luck -Liz

Thanks Liz,

I read that the drug increases appetite on the leaflet they give you from the drugstore and freaked but, it really doesn't have that effect on me at all. Hallelujah!!

Shana

ummm shanna --this isnt something to be saying hallelujah

about...

and white owl, that is not a cool comment to a person struggling with ED. do you know what ED is?? it is perhaps important to know what you are responding to .

well...im worried for you shana.... it was a teeny bit hard for me to read that post , but i know how it is...
i think you should go to the doctor ASAP. i mean your blood iron levels are low. that can be EXTREMELY dangerous!!! i cant even tell you how dangerous that can be.. you need to get that checked out, soon...

the health problems caused by ED are insane! there are tons and tons of health problems that can be caused by ED. i wonder if we in our 'immortal' ED mindest know what exactly we are doing.... we are only hurting and destroying our health. and when you end up with health problems like me and you CANNOT go back and reverse it--then you do regret what you did...

i advise you to get help ASAP.

love
maureen

I agree with maureen, that comment wasn't necessary whiteowl. I also agree that you need to seek out help for this, its never too late.

I'm not going to dignify the majority of your post with a response, however, I am sorry that your sister has suffered with an eating disorder; that being said, you should be aware that there are many triggers for those of us who have ed's and your comment was seen as one of them.

i do apologize if i was harsh white owl, but lilac is right---what you said was inappropriate to shana... totally. i meant to edit my reply, but was too late to..

i dont want people who are suffering with ED to get ideas ---or get triggered by someones reply. we are protecive here... again, im sorry if what i said was too harsh, but in shana's defense---it was not a good thing for her to read at all.
and shana is happy i spoke out about it...

so im sorry whiteowl, but please be cautious... words or ideas can be taken internally and people end up suffering for it...

lilac thanks so much for agreeing with me....

love
maureen

oh and white owl---what i replied was unintended to be harsh, and i feel bad--but WOW! you dont have to go there!!! we are sensitive to others needs and what you replied was actually hurtful when mine and lilacs was not intended to hurt you at all. you clearly have anger issues...
you need not insult others or relpy in such a mean tone--lilac and i did not deserve that at all... we were only trying to help shana...

To all...this is such a touchy issue, and it's also unfortunate that we cannot 'hear' others' words when they are written...so it's not possible to know what the inference always is.
I don't believe that anyone intentionally meant to be insensitive, but I do want to emphasize that when someone has an eating disorder, they are not intentionally starving themselves. The reason they may not eat is about much more than not eating...you know?
The bad thing about any medication that may alter your appetite is that is delays the return of a person's normal hunger cues (or it could). But everyone reacts differently, and if you need the medication, you need it, right?
Shana...please don't delay getting help to remain in recovery. An eating disorder is a monster, and you don't deserve to have it clinging to you...take care..Jan ♥

Everyone,

I am soooooo sorry if I caused any rifts here. I feel responsible for all this nit picky bickering.

Anyway, I finally talked to a coworker/friend about my fears about my ED gettting the better of me and talked about seeing my doctor. And, Maureen, after reading your post on all the health risks assosiated with EDs I feel even more compelled to called my doctor - even though I am scared beyond belief about the outcome. I am going to call today. I will let you know when the dreaded day comes and will most likely be here venting my fears etc...

Thank you all for being here on this site. I say it over and over but I really feel that this site is somewhat of a God sent for me because I have soooo little support in my community.

Love and hugs to you all
Shana

i am so happy that post helped you… i really am. i am so proud of you for calling your doctor!!! wow!!! im so amazed!!! yes this site is for sure a god sent–it was for me and i have seen more women get better from this site. it is great and i wish people were more like how we are on this site in real life that i experience day to day where compassion/caring is minimum. not on this site–it is abundant with love…

i am going to call my OBGYN today and get
some cysts checked out in my uterus --even though im afraid it is cancerous!!!but ill call …

calling that doctor shana —is a step away from being free of the ED monster --and then you can actually LIVE…

love !

maureen

I know it's really hard to make an appointment at the doctor, but I hope you still do. I think it's a good idea. I hope you have a good rest of the day, and get caught up at work :)

again i apologize for any mishaps on here but hopefully we can all move on from all of this....

thanks!

love
maureen