Feeling pretty dead

Ive had a terrible addiction to oxycodone for a year now. i started out with vicodin which led to percocet then oxycontin then eventually to heroin because i no longer could afford my pills. i got clean 8 months ago and last september i through away my 8 months of sobriety for a couple percocet and now i cant get off them again. I feel so sick every day, i have hot flashes and cold sweats all night, sore muscles, major depression, and insane thoughts that I cant shake.

Im going on my 2nd day of sobriety from painkillers, ive been taking pers and oxy for the past 6 months every single day. i jus need a lil advice .. anything really. is there anything i can do to make this easier? is there anything that could possibly help me shake the cravings?

hello CM....props on your 2nd day! That can sometimes be a *****. As far as the short term withdrawls, taking vitamins such as b12 and potassium, and drinking lots of water and electrolytes such as gatorade will help a great deal. As far as the long term withdrawls, finding a way to keep your mind busy and focused will be beneficial. If you begin to bargain with yourself about the pills, your addiction will win. Make a list of 5 or 10 things you can do to keep your mind and your hands busy and work on them when you experience cravings. Another good thing to do would be to search your mind and experiences to find your triggers, and write them down, in an effort to plan coping mechanisms for those triggers that contribute to your overall wellbeing.
It is a rough path you are on, but it will get easier. wishin you the best!
HAPPY HEALTHY STRONG FREE

Hey optimistic, thanks for the advice i will definietly going to try to think of all my triggers and write them down. When I take pills its almost always in school and being there sober today there were so many times I jus wanted to give in, jus because it was brought to my attention.

Thanks again !

Hi CD

I feel your pain, really, I take oxys and mscontin for pain. Prescribed. Yes, I go through withdrawl when I run out of meds. are yours prescribed? My sister suggest I go see the doc and have him give me methadone. So when I do run out, I won't go through this. (its terrible I know.) cold, hot, muscle spasms. I know for myself I just wish I could die and get over it. ( was in an abusive relationship and he fractured my spine but too dumb to see a doc. developed osteoporosis and the fracture snaped. Have been taking meds for 3-years.

Hugs,

Hi flikrofhope

No my painkillers were never prescribed to me, I got introduced to some codeine from a friend my junior year in high school and after me and my bf broke up I started buying them illegally trying to numb myself from the pain. then on new years eve i got got with drugs and into a lot of trouble and thats when i quite for 8 months and about4 or 5 months again started again after relapsing with heroin… ive been staying away from that tho.

But yeah its for sure hell living with an addiction, especially when the withdrawals make you feel like shit

thanks for the support tho !

I am trying to break the cycle of addiction I have with opiates, but it is not going so well. I started taking them 3 years ago for treatment of OBGYN cysts and Endometriosis. With 5 surgeries in 2 years, and a hospitalization for 3 weeks with 50mg demerol every 4 hours, it just made it worse. Now that my condition is cleared, I have been buying whatever I can get off the street. I have been trying to lower the dosage but the side effects are so bad! I was on 4 60mg Morphine pills a day, and am now down to like 10 perks, or 1 30mg roxy split in half for morning and night. Even on this I am still experienceing really bad withdrawls. The worst part is I have 2 children, that I am caring for aloneevery day while my husband is at work. One of them has a seizure disorder and severe behavioral problems. They helped me just to get through the day with her because she really is that difficult to care for. I want to break the cycle, but am finding it intolerable to stop them because I cannot care for my children. I've considered inpatient rehab for 30 days, but my husband would literallly have to stop working for the entire time because we do not have anyone to watch our children. :(

Lost and confused. I need to be done with this!

I also got on pain-killers from prescriptions. I had an accident and they thought I needed to be pain-free so they constantly gave me more oxy, etc. After about 3 months I decided that I needed to quit and boy was I surprised at the pain, sweating, shakes, etc. I went through it for about a week and then I was ok. I never want to do that again. I know you can makes it, but I had to go through it. I couldn’t avoid it. The idea of being hooked scared me more than the pain of stopping. I guess I was lucky. Good luck to you, you deserve to be free of it.

Hey shelly, welcome to the site. I used to take similar quantities of meds, and it was a really hellish experience to quit cold turkey, but it is possible. I am not sure I would advise it without medical treatment. Have you ever spoken to a doctor about maybe going on Suboxone? It works for many people to counteract withdrawls and cravings, but it doesn't really get you high in such a way that you cannot raise your children with a clear mind. Is there any help your family might be able to assist with, or do they not know of your condition?
Wishin you the best, and we are here for support.
HAPPY HEALTHY STRONG FREE.

Heya optimistic I’m new to here.I’ve been Reading all the posts and I can relate to alot of them.I’ve been addicted to heroin the last 10 years and every other drug b4 that.I cud always keep a handle on other drugs but heroin has ruined my life.i don’t know how to post on this as I’m not great with computers so hope u don’t mind if I just reply to u.you seem to be part of the group 4a wile.I hope ur sobriety is going well 4u.I’ve tried everything,I was on a methadone maintinance but stopped taking it which left my habbit twice as bad.I’m tryn to come of the heroin bit by bit but it’s hard.I’m just gona pick a day soon and do it.I just wana prepare 4 it 1st and get bak into my parents to go tru it.I’m gona stay writing and Reading on this bcos listening to other people realy helps.I wish u all the best anyways and thanks for listening.

I was on Suboxone once before, and it worked great! I got off of everything and was clean for a little under a month. Nothing felt right. I was severely depressed and having panic attacks, to the point that I literally could not deal with my husband, children, ANYTHING! I saw a psychiatrist, who gave me Klonapin, and I relapsed a few days later. I just couldn't stand the feeling that I would "never feel normal again". I jsut missed my appointment with the Psych dr. on Tuesday because we had a bad snow storm, but got it rescheduled to next week. I went back to the suboxone dr. on Thursday, and he said that he wouldn't take me back. He wanted me to do a Methadone program. I explained to him that I really couldn't because it would mean bringing my children to the clinic with all of the bad heroin addicts around every single day for 3 months before takehome privelages could begin. I went there just to find out about the program, and they cannot even get me in until MARCH! And that's IF the panel of counselors judge me to "qualify". So I called back the Suboxone dr. and he basically blew me off and said he couldn't help me. All the time I was in severe withdrawl, because my supplier ran out and has been out for over a week and a half now.

So I have been tapering down with whatever I can find for a good week and a half now. Down from all of the morphine to only a few perks a day, and over the past 4 days, I have had only a handful of tylenol threes. Today 3 of them and I feel like I want to die. Although I admit the withdrawl is not an eight of as bad as it was when I tried going cold turkey a week and a half ago off the full dose of morphine.

I could barely take care of my kids today, even getting off the couch to feed them took every ounce of energy I had. So I ended up calling my friend to come help. She was sick and said she couldn't help, but said to try Coke because it would help me to be able to take care of the kids. Which it did. I have never done it in my entire life, and I don't want to get hooked on that too. But tomorrow my husband goes back to work, and I have to make it through the day with a 5 and 3 year old alone again. I cannot even tell you how much I am dreading it.

My husband knows, and he is mad mad mad at me about it. I feel so ashamed and alone. Like it is all my fault for letting it get out of hand. I try not to feel like that, because at first it did start medical and I didn't even realize I had a problem, but for a year now I have been a legit drug addict. NEVER in my life have I been one, until now. It's hard to admit you're an addict, but I def. am!

First step....

Thanks for the support ♥

I cry as I read your excerpt here…You are not alone…although your circumstances are different from mine…the underlying issue is the same…I appreciate your struggles…just know that you are not alone…please know that you are not alone…I hope this gives you some (even if only a little) comfort …We just have to keep fighting and imagine that some day we will return to this site to say that we have conquered our own battles and can continue to reach out by being a support for others :slight_smile:

Okay so today is not soooo bad. I had a few gulps of liquid tylenol with codeine yesterday. And this morning, just one does of it to get me out of bed first thing in the morning. Feeling a little better today thank God! I feel like I can finally just stop everything. Hopefully that morning dose was my last! I am taking Klonapin for the anziety and help ease the symptoms, but I only have 5 left until I see the psych. dr. I am trying to get through the rest of the day and tomorrow with NOTHING! We shall see. I was finally able to shower today, without fearing it. Showers always scare me when I'm in w/d because I freeze and get horrible shivers and shakes, and goosebumps no matter how hot the water is. So that to me was a good sign! Because its the first day in a week I've felt like that. I am hoping tomorrow will not be worse with nothing. I don't think that little dose of codeine did anything, so I don't think it should get worse! I hope hope hope!

I want this so bad! I am just getting scared of the depression and anxiety I know is going to set in. I feel it already. Anger at everything, depression, freaking out over nothing. It is soooo mental it's insane!

Here we goooo.....

Heya shellybee hope ur feeling better in urself.I’m just preparing myself for the fight of my life.I wana get back into my parents and then sweat it all out of me.this is my last chance.after more than 20 years abusing my body with heroin I hav to do it this time.it’s nice to see people shakin there addiction in this group as it gives me slot of hope.just reading other peoples posts gives me strenght.keep strong anyways and god bless shellybee

im addicted to oxys right now and i cant stop it really sucks.

uuuggh!! soo hard...:(!!!

hi,
omg I feel your pain and I know it is hard, especially w/ children to care for.
i had went through the same feelings so I know exactly what you are going through.
Can you find another sub dr.?
Could you go to tratment during the day so u are home in evenings, that is what I went to. We met 7 days a week for 2 weeks and now in 3 days a week?
I truly hope things get better for u!!
Praying does help, give it to God
Your husband will be happier once u can get clean, it does get better
Stay Strong and glad to hear your story it helps me also.

God what a relief to read some of these posts here. Thought I was about the only mother on earth that felt like I couldn't care for my kids without being high. When I'm high I prepare a full course meal complete with fricken tablecloth. When I'm out of pills and curled up in bed...it's all I can do to mumble "Fix yourself a bowl of cheerios." Thank-god there are mothers here who can understand. It helps relieve the shame I feel.

Good morning,
Just want to say have a blessed day

LOVE, LAUGH,LIVE!!!!!
We made another day, thank you God....
Have a clean day, luv ya

hi eaammon and everyone,
i had been using for 20 plus years and have been in treatment centers 3 times, but this time I must of really wanted it, well i lost everything so i guess it was time and also I Hated chasing, wanting and having to have it to live!!!
U need to try something, are u ready, I see u have been using for a number of years also, how is ur life right now? Mine was ****** while using, yes I have hard days but I can get through them w/ the help of my higher power.
I just don`t want u to go through anymore bad times while using, just take a honest look @ how things are going for u.
I am on suboxone which helps w/ withdrawals, but I still have alot of work, its mostly in the way we think, feel, and act, which is hard to change,because I used for so long so I know it can`t happen overnite.
sorry im babbling, hope this helped, u helped me by reminding me I do NOT want to go back

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