Feeling weak....wanting to purge

I DONT want to purge, its been almost 4 weeks since I last have...I promised my mom I wouldnt anymore...but the urge is there yelling at me for having so much for dinner....oh god the full feeling i need it to leave my stomach....please give me the strength to ride this one out..i hate breaking promises :(

im such a fucking failure at life i purged i fucking hate myself

You're not a failure, Gina. You tried. Has anything else happened lately to maybe stress you out a bit more than usual? That might cause you to slip... but everyone slips up at least once. Please don't hate yourself for making a mistake. Just try to pick yourself up and reflect on what exactly went through your head before and during the moment you purged... that way you can understand yourself better and what you need to do/say in order to resist the urge.

Yes, I discovered today that a inpatient treatment option was denied to me. I am now back to square one waiting lists of 3-6 months.

Gina,
I know you are disappointed and I hope you can feel pure anger at ‘the system’ instead of towards yourself.
I am praying that something will break for you in this regard. Take care…Jan :heart:

You are not a failure. You did something amazing; you didn't purge for 4 weeks. Regression happens. You just have to take it one day at a time. I know it is hard I used to purge when I was in high school. I haven't purged for seven years. It was hard, and I still struggle with it, but I made it, and guess what I believe that you can too!! The human soul is a really resilient thing, and you can bounce back from this, and work to not doing it again. I hate the feeling of being full to this day, and it still makes me want to purge, but I take some deep breaths and distract my self with painting my nails or something like that, until the feeling is gone. You just need to find out things you can do to not put yourself in a situation that makes you want to purge or things to distract you when you do get that feeling. You are strong person; believe in yourself.

gina u are nt weak.....u relapsed there is nothing wrong with that. u are nt a failure. believe in urself and have faith

what are some things you can do yourself that could help curb the feeling of wanting to purge? There are a lot of things you could try; such as writing in a journal, meditation, relaxation techniques, yoga, other forms of exercise, and etc. I understand that it hard, but I want you to know that you can stop purging.

gina what about the quotes that u posted. make a beautiful poster of them. that helped me earlier.

im here if u need anything

and i agree with the journaling. i journal almost every night. it really helps to see everything. remember there is light at the end of the tunnel

isolated43 and Liz are very right!

And I'm really sorry you've been denied treatment; that sucks. I can definitely see how that could contribute to what happened. Try not to lose hope though. And I can only repeat, please don't put yourself down! That'll only make things worse.

If you're seeing a therapist, I'd say you should tell them how upset this has made you... Maybe you can work on ways to handle the stress of waiting again.

I waited 6 hours before I ate dinner to make sure I was hungry. I haven't felt hungry in a while. I made a healthy dinner and put the leftovers in the fridge. 10minutes later, I ate the leftovers and thought about going having something sweet to eaT just so I could throw it up afterwards. Fortunately, as I was putting on my shoes to go out and get forbidden foods i don;t keep in the house, I had to use the restroom. I hope this is not too much info.. but the 5 mins I was there gave me time to think about what I was about to do......... Now it has been 30minutes. The urge is still here. and I'm still fighting with myself.. I want to feel hungry again like I did an hour ago.... I hope this feeling go away soon.

Thanks everyone. But I really feel like a failure. I know if it was one of you who had a slip up I would be the first to give encouraging words and offer my support, I suppose its just different when your on the other end, and I understand that now.

Oh Gina :( this makes me so sad, that you think you're a failure, because you're not. Everyone slips up, you just got to bounce back, and not use it as an excuse to keep doing it. I think slips ups are going to happen all throughout life if you're recovered/recovering from an ED. Slip ups are a part of recovery. At least they're slip ups though right? I mean, 4 weeks since you last did it! That's something to be proud of, slip up or not! I hope you feel better. I used to scrapbook as distraction. I have a sketch book full of pages of cut up pictures from magazines, phrases, words, letters, etc. That really helped me get busy, and not be distructive when I was semi trying to get better. I did it a ton in IP too.

Thanks a lot for your kind words Kristin, means a lot actually <3 I suppose slip ups/relapses are inevitable. I'm by no means in recovery, but i'm desperately trying to get there. I suppose it's something to be expected and we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it...it's just I fear if I didnt have the anxiety and guilt after doing it then I would justify doing it again at a later time...so in a way it was good i felt horrible after i think?

lilac - i would LOVE to be able to say i went 4 weeks without b/p.... AMAZING. i slipped up after just 2 1/2 day and haven't been able to go further than 8 days without B. just take it day by day. best of luck to you.

caroline