hi guys , i feel like im posting to much but i want to get some stuff of my cheast . today i have gone without cutting and without sex all day and im proud but i feel like **** . i have belly pains all the time i feel like cutting all the time and i feel like i want sex all the time . in a nutshell today sucked
You are strong you can make it thru. You made it this far. And if you do backslide you know you did this and can do it again. Keep it up and good luck. Know that you have friends rooting you on.
I am curious to your story, I want to help you if I can...Tell me about you, and congrats on not cutting today!
dollarc2009 i was raped from age 4 untill i was 20 . i hate courts because my father ould only be charged with a few of his crimes because most of them were commited before we moved to america and the trauma caused me to develop multpile personality disorder . i am currently married with 3 kids and another on the way . i love my family but im afraid im going to hurt them . and thats pretty much me
be proud of yourself for managing without your usual ways of coping, that's ace! i know it feels like crap at the time, but it will get easier the more often you manage it.
how did you get through? did you find other ways to distract you? remember what worked and what wasn't so helpful. knowing this will get you by next time.
well done missy!
love
maedi
no i didnt distract myself i just gritted my teeth and did it .
Well, if you are afraid you may hurt them or yourself then you should seek imediate help. I know you feel that you will be admitting to being crazy or depressed, but change your mindset. Say I am doing this for me, and if you in your loving mood say I am doing this for my family. I so understand the multiply personality disorder, I suffer that myself along with many other things lol. It can be a bit aggravating. Sometimes we just have to do things we dont want to in order to get results that will make us happier and better people. So I say seek out for help call a suicide hotline or go to a local emergency room let them know how you really feel. It will not be worth it to hurt your family, and though at times you wont feel depressed if you go to the hospital just know that you are doing this for the times that you are you have to take care of each of your personalities. I think also that if you are there in a hospital and feel fine then at that time try to make a differcence in helping those around you and use the help when needed....what do u think? As for the raping, my how my heart goes out to you that is so very sad as well as your story I read about your mom, dad, brothers, and how your dad is the father to one of your children....I am so sorry you went through that but thank god you are out of all that....u are arent u?
professional help in this case is advised maybe talk to someone you trust
I totally agree with everyone on getting immediate help. If you put it off for too long, it may hurt you and your family and you could be living in that "should of could have would have world"-and its no place for anyone to be. Sometimes taking the first step to changing old habits is tough, but hey, you did it-just by taking one small step that made a impact for the better. Remember, you are strong ! I commend you ! :)
i feel like im being babyish or something but i cant understand how this world can be so unfair . he does 4 years in jail and im screwed up the rest of my life . i know justice doesnt exist but i expected something more than this, i dont know maybe im just crazyer than i thought
Your not crazy. However you can not let your past determine your future. Live in the present and let go of the past, get justice for youself by bettering yourself. You need to take the first step to get help and I say see a doctor. Then go from there.
im seeing a doctor and it sucks but im doing it . bettering myself wont give me justice . it will give me the ability to eat and sleep and not cut myself . i know that im never going to get justice . justice would be watching him suffer but i cant do that . i sometimes wish i was a bit like my father so i could make my own justice but then i know that i would be a monster like him . i just want to not screw up my kids if i can do that i can die happy .
i know this sounds pathetic. but yes, you will never get justice, as extremely angry as that makes me and believe me i wanna smash that man’s head (and othe bits). but as you won’t get justice nor ever be able to forget, which i probably find worse, you’ll have to forgive. i don’t know how, i wish i could tell you and it seems unimaginable. but maybe think of him being a very, very sick man; a monster in a world of human beings, someone who doesn’t fit in and wanted to make his mark anyway; someone who is to be pitied for being so pitiful and weak, for being such a coward and bastard. forgive him for what he is. be bigger than he is, you already are stronger.
i know i’m talking a lot here, meaning to give advice, and i know it’s always easier said than done. but do it for your kids if not for you. i can tell you one thing, the only way to not screw them up is to get better, hurting or killing yourself will definitely leave a mark on them.
you already have progressed since being on here. not only are you talking, but even better, you are trying. so keep doing that, brittney, YOU CAN!!!
love
maedi
Hey sorry im joining in this kind of late. I know how angry you must be feeling.. and very hurt. It absolutely is not fair at all. And i am so sorry he did this to you. Nobody deserves to ever be taken advantage of. I was raped too. I cut myself, almost killed myself because of it, and was depressed for a long time. The only thing that seemed to help was thinking about what I wanted to say to the person who raped me.
What works really good is pretending that you are in the same room with him. He is sitting in a chair listening to everything you have been feeling! Pretend he is there and tell him EVERYTHING! You can even yell at him!! Just make sure no one is home :) It really helps! Tell him how he has hurt you and why it is not ok! Kinda crazy I know, but I think it works :)
I hope you are ok!
Loves,
Maggie
i dont want to imagine him because it will devolve into me pretending to hurt him and i dont want that
I thought the same thing. But in reality you aren't hurting him. You are acknowledging the he hurt you. You are moving on so he is know longer holding you back.
no i mean like hurting him by beating him and stuff and if i dream about beating people ill be like him
Being a strong independent woman and doing whats best for is completely different from abusing someone. You are moving on! You a beating him in the sense that you aren't letting him hold you back. You are breaking free so you can live your own life. You aren't even close to being like him!
Your not crazy. His four years is unjust for the many years he has stolen from you. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you find the love life has to offer in all ways and that you heal. At some point we all have to choose whether we are going to be victims or survivors!
I am curious, Brittney. Are you in therapy at the present time? If not, would be something you would be interested in? And if you are, does your counselor seem to know much about Dissociative Identity Disorder (what they used to call Multiple Personality Disorder)? There are some great therapists out there who can work with folks who have D.I.D., but these folks have usually had some additional training to enable them to deal with the alters as they come out. A great many therapists AREN'T able to work with folks like you, and that's not the kind of person you want as your counselor. That's why I'm wondering how knowledgeable your therapist is about things.
As far as the no sex thing goes, for a sex addict, the first few weeks of abstinence are incredibly tough. It really helps to have a local support group to help you through the "detoxification" period. Are you part of any Twelve Step support group for sexual addiction? Is the sex addiction an issue for your core personality, or is it something one of your alters deals with? You might not know, and that's okay. But if you do, it can be helpful in getting support for yourself.
Your D.I.D. (or M.P.D. if you prefer) is a survival technique. While your abuse was going on, this was a way that "you", the core personality, could go away and not have to endure all that was going on at the time. You created your alters to deal with the unendurable, and that's how you protected and saved yourself. Becoming a multiple is a very creative thing to do, and most folks can't do this. Folks with D.I.D. are usually extremely intelligent, and as I said, highly creative. In this sense, the ability to become a multiple is a true gift, but now that you're an adult and the abuse is in the past, your alters are causing you problems. So, what do you do about them and with them? That's where therapy come into play.
I guess my suggestion for you would be to get some local support for yourself, whether that's from a Twelve Step group or from the local suicide prevention hotline. If you don't have the phone number for your local hotline, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at (800)-273-8255 and your call will be automatically transferred to the crisis center that handles your geographical area. This phone line is answered 24/7, 365 days a year. Another good phone number for you to have would be the one to your local Rape Crisis Hotline. Someone will usually be there 24/7 to offer support when things get bad. They also provide FREE counseling to survivors of rape and incest, and it doesn't matter how long ago the assaults happened. If you don't have the phone number for your local Rape Crisis Center, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at (800)-656-4673 and they can give you the phone number for your local crisis center. This phone line is also answered 24/7, 365 days a year.