For all those working on reconciling with your spouses, what

For all those working on reconciling with your spouses, what are you getting them for Christmas? This is the second Christmas for me since Dday but the first Christmas since Dday x 2 where I learned everything. I am trying to think and be positive right now and I'm hoping that doing something nice for my wife will foster more of those feelings. I apologize if this is a sore subject for anyone else - not my intent. I've been trying to come up with some ideas on my own (she says she doesn't deserve and gifts) but it seems like a lot of things I come up with causes a negative memory/trigger.

Women of SG - What's on your xmas list? Might give me some ideas about what to give my wife.

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We always celebrate our own christmas in January. We give each other $1000 and go on a huge shopping spree, stay in a nice hotel (different hotel this year cuz of triggers). We take a trip and have nice meals. I am actually looking forward to it this year (real christmas is cancelled for me). But the trip will be a much needed break from all this

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Considering a chastity belt.

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@whyOwhy With locks and built out of caste iron.

my husband got me something from a website called carved creations with our kids name on it also our name (a necklace). it as a nice thoughtful gift after dday (10/24). he is trying i can see that. The website has rings and bracelets

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@Betrayedbymylove Is it by agreement that you’re not exchanging any gifts? You’re just not feeling up to it? or are you not in contact right now? I hope you are able to find some comfort during this time. I’m pulling and praying for you and all of us who are suffering.

I hope my husband proposes to me and asks me to renew our vows. I would love the opportunity to re-confess our commitment to a healthy marriage.

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@comingoutstronger My wife and I have talked about that and we will renew our vows - too soon yet though.

I think those are great ideas hopeful. I'm struggling with this too, what to get him for X-mas. Fishing has always been an issue for the two of us. When we had a million things to do around the house, he would want to go fishing and I would become irate. We've been working through these things in counseling and have been finding ways to better communicate our needs and find compromises. So I bought him a fishing reel and fishing pole that he's been pining for. Even though he already has like 20 of them, I know he really wants this one, and I hope he sees the message behind it and doesn't say "Oh great, a fishing pole you will never let me use." lol. I'm just kidding, he wouldn't say that, but I do hope he gets the symbolism behind it. I want to get him something sentimental, but have no idea what that would be. We are getting family portraits taken tomorrow, the first time in 14 years. Maybe I'll frame one of the two of us for him to put on his desk or something.

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LOL I'm getting her what she's given me for the past 8+ years NOTHING! I've gone above and beyond for her for years.. birthdays/anniversary's/christmas.. I get nothing. who does that? really???? She gave me the gift of cheating on me an ruining my life! Why would i reward her? It's bad enough she lost the ring I got her for our 10th anniversary ($8000.. she got me nothing).. and now the insurance money will be there for her to get a ring.. LOL I'm a fool! I'm a complete dumba$$.. I will not reward her for cheating on me.. she may never get anything from me ever, because nothing I give her has any meaning to her.. so DONE!

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@Fooled I agree if they are not deserving of a gift, it’s not worth your trouble. I will say some prayers for all that are struggling with infidelity.

Thanks to everyone for your comments. I think the thoughtfulness and act of finding a gift our Spouses will enjoy is good for both. My wife's affair is on my mind constantly and I am actively trying to find ways to think in different and more happy ways. What would be the point of reconciling if I'm not happy? I enjoyed giving gifts to my wife in the past so hopefully this act will bring me some joy too.

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