for some reason its a lot easier to open up to strangers then the people I'm closest to. I'm going to try to start talking to my close friends about my past, but I'm scared people will become sympathetic and I don't want sympathy. I don't want to be seen different even though going through abuse changes who you are and how you act. I guess I just want the people I care about to understand where I come from, and I want to be able to let it out to leave it behind me
Us strangers are also judgment free and imo even more importantly neutral to the situation wich is always a good thing
I completely understand how you feel. I honestly was the same way for most of my life, and I never understood why. But then I realized (for me, anyway) the reason why you're so hesitant to open up to the ones close to you is because you don't want to be a burden or bother them by constantly talking to them about what's bothering you. It's weird, but it's almost like people are afraid to open up to those close to them because of how they see others reacting in the same situation. I've seen friends turn around and say "Ugh all she does is complain, she's always upset." and then the friend who always opened up to them, no longer wanted to... they felt like they were a hassle, or something.
But at the end of the day, you have every right to open up to those you want to open up to- whether it's your friends, your family, or complete strangers. Whatever works best for you and makes you feel better.... that's all that matters :)
@astralhybrid thanks for the insight. I can relate to that I don’t want to be a burden or seen as weak in any way. I was able to tell my current boyfriend a couple months back, and that was the first person i opened up since it happened 4 years ago
Turning to others for support doesn't make you weak at all, though I know it's almost impossible to think that way while you're upset. Just try and remind yourself that you gotta do what you gotta do to make yourself feel better- everyone understands (to some extent, anyway) that others need to talk about things and share what's upsetting them in order to feel better.
Just do what feels right for you, and what helps you the most. You have full control over how others can make you feel. Just keep reminding yourself that it's natural for people to open up to others for support, and that you're doing this for YOU. :)