Okay.. I feel awful right now.. I don't know why. When I start feeling this way, I start thinking that no one sees me as for who I am. They all see and concentrate on my physical part. Why is this ? Why can't no one like me for who I am ?? I'm so afraid that I go back to whom I was .. careless.. irresponsible.. etc. In moments like this.. I just feel like exercising a LOT. I don't know what's happening... I don't know what to think anymore....
Hi Inspiration15, thank you so much for sharing with us. Would you mind explaining why no one sees you for who you are and likes you for who you are? And, people who are truly your friends and who love you, will absolutely love you for who you are. I know that you won't go back to being careless and irresponsible, because you love yourself too much to do so.
Hi puppydodlvr, thanks for replying. And that's the way it is. Everyone at one point criticize me because of my body. It even happened that someone rejected me because I was just not his physical type. Nowadays..that's what everyone concentrates on.. on the physical part.. even friends. No one sees me as for who I am. Unfortunately.. nowadays EVERYONE thinks the same.. not only with me .
Inspiration15, I know that it's hurtful when people criticize your physical aspect, but it's so important to shut those people out and know what you look like and embrace it. I learned to start zoning those people out and to start loving and embracing who I am. Also, true friends will love you for you and love you for who you are on the inside first and foremost, this I can honestly tell you based on my direct experience.
They criticize me because they say I'm so skinny.. Well.. If I'm happy and I like being that way.. why can't they support me ? Why can't they like me just the way I am ? No one does.. It almost feels like this is for life.
Inspiration15, if you are thin and healthy that's one thing, though if you are thin for an unhealthy reason such as an ED, then there's a reason why your friends are expressing concern. I noticed that you posted this under ED, do you want to share at all about where you are with your ED? I am a recovered bulimic, so I understand what it's like have an ED.
Inspiration15, I am so sorry you are feeling awful. It is so easy to lose our ground when we are overwhelmed by criticism. Even criticism that comes from the concern of loved ones can feel like an attack. I, too, know what it's like to have an ED. As puppydoglvr says, if you'd like to share about your eating disorder - you have some willing ears. And I agree, thin and healthy is a good thing - but thin because of your eating disorder is dangerous. Take good care of your self.
I know, but why can't they just accept me as for who I am ? It's complicated. And yes, I have an ED.. EDNOS. I can't go one day without thinking of food. I can't go one day without thinking if what I'm eating is too much.. if it will make me fat by tomorrow.
I've been hearing on the radio all this news about how obesity is taking over, about how many people die because of it.. about even rejection. If this obesity thing is taking over, what is the problem with being thin and happy about it ? Currently, I don't have any health problems because of it.. In the past I did had problems.. but now in the present.. I currently don't. And still.. they criticize, and apparently I'm too ugly or "not fit" for anyone.
Inspiration15, again I am so sorry for how people are making you feel, I hope that you can overlook all of this and know/believe how beautiful you truly are. What's most important is how you feel about yourself, because all others will always have an opinion.
Health should be your focus first and foremost, above all else. I will not sacrifice anything for my health, I don't care what anyone thinks. If I am carrying a bit more weight, but I am healthy, then that's all that matters. Are you eating balanced healthy meals? Do you feel healthy and energetic? I had an ED and it completely deteriorated my health. You may feel healthy for the moment, but if you continue on this path, then you are sacrificing your health and well-being. I only want the best for you and that means being healthy.
Hi, thanks for replying again.
Well.. I eat anything only if I don't exceed from certain amount of calories. And some days I feel all sort of pains, but not everyday. I'm always sleepy, there's not one single minute where I'm not sleepy. Therefore, I don't feel energetic at all. I wish I wasn't so sleepy all the time!
Have you ever talked to a doctor or nutritionist about feeling so tired all of the time, because there may be something lacking in your diet that is making you feel this way.
Yes, I have. They say its the same ED and depression. They say its one of the symptoms.. I don't know...
Hi Inspiration, how are you doing and feeling now? I hope all is well. I am sure that it's a combination of both your depression and ED. Did the doctor and/or nutritionist give you any guidance and help regarding adding certain foods and nutrients to your meal plan in order to help you with your energy level.
Hi Inspiration......thank you for sharing. I wonder if your friends are not able to focus on other aspects of who you are, because you are not able to do that, as your low weight would indicate. They likely are worried about you, and they probably see that you are not getting help, as a type of denial. You likely are not sure who you are outside of the ED either.
Are you getting any help? I hope you are getting help to restore and maintain a healthy weight that will enable you to develop your life into more than an existence with an eatitng order...you can do this!! Take care. ..Jan
I used to have many physical pains because I was underweight (though I didn't think I was... I couldn't see it because of my EDNOS-I'm orthorexic). I can't remember my exact thoughts during that time but I always have a drum beat in the back of my head beating that I'm doing something wrong (I "always eat so much" so now I "should eat less"- these messages came from my childhood, from my family, because I used to have a problem with overeating at certain meals). I think, once I got below a normal weight, I couldn't think clearly, and these thoughts got LOUDER and sounded like BIBLICAL truth... Others kept "annoying" me to eat, I didn't know what their problem was either (you see, they thought I was anorexic and I was intentionally trying to look like some supermodel who was unhealthy, and I guess they felt that that kind of person was a burden, because they KNEW what they were doing and were doing it on purpose and didn't want to change it). NOT the case with me, I wanted to be healthy! I didn't idealize those images and we all know, anyways, that they don't "want" to be that way, it's just that once you get a little underweight, the thoughts get LOUDER and LOUDER that we're doing the right thing and everyone else around us is just "nagging", "complaining", and "criticizing".
Looking back at it, if those folks left me alone and kept their focus on themselves and not enabled me, I'd've figured out on my own that I needed to do something. However, if this had happened and I figured out on my own that I needed to do something on my own, then I'd've had a hard time doing so... I needed those around me to either (1.) take me to a nutritionist, and/or (2.) take me to an eating disorder treatment center (that's where I went) because I didn't have the strength to make these changes myself... You may have times where you don't want to change, and you're right, their are a lot of "obese" people out there, but you have a problem of going to extremes (this is what a lot of us with EDs do), then you have to find out in counseling, in treatment, why you have a tendency to do this and, in the process, you'll get to learn about yourself and you'll have the strength to love yourself and be better able to interact with those around you, more than you had in your life. It's kinda like, there's this beautiful world out there, but right now, you won't be able to see it unless you get help.
@Puppydoglvr I guess I'm doing fine. Some days I can deal with it better than others. It feels like it's almost a part of me. About the energy.. I feel the same. All the days. I don't go to a nutritionist anymore, but what my psychiatrist tells me is to eat and drink some vitamins. I read on the internet that the excessive sleep is called hypersomnia. I wonder if they do studies to determine if someone has it.. I don't think it's related to my depression because I literally sleep the whole day. Do you know if there are studies to determine some kind of sleeping disorder ?
@janurse thanks for replying. I am getting help. And i've been getting it since almost 4 years now. As I told puppydoglvr.. it feels like it is a part of my life. Sometimes I wonder if an eating disorder goes away completely because the thoughts always remain there. I feel like I will live with it for the rest of my life. And you are right.. I don't know who am I outside of this ED world.. I don't like talking about this with my doctors because I feel that they won't understand me .
@Steeni you're right. These thoughts do get Louder every day. I want to be me, I don't want to be like the rest of the people out there who can't stop eating. I do recognize it's kinda like an obsession, but I can't stop it. My mind won't let me. Even if I try to talk about it, I feel awkward because I think that whoever is listening to me will think that I am losing my mind or something like that.
Inspiration.....yes, an ED can truly 'feel' and look like it's part of who you are, but it's not!! "Getting help" can mean a lot of things. If you are seeing a therapist for four years, but you are still in the same (or worse) spot, something is definitely NOT working...it's not helping! It's not necessarily anyone's fault, but please don't wait any longer to seek something different! I was near death several times, and suffered for over 37 years. I NEVER even considered that I could be fully recovered....but I am, and I no longer have ANY remnants of the ED at all! It took a lot of hard work, and having a support team who believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. If you don't believe it's possible, it's probably not.
But everything changed for me when a doctor told me that I could recover!! And I have! Please don't stop seeking the answers....take care....Jan ♥
Inspiration, I have to second everything that Jan wrote, she is right on. I was in the same boat, where I suffered with bulimia for years and didn't think a life without it was possible. Though, through the right treatments and wanting to have it out of my life completely, I've been recovered for over 15 years now and have never had any remnants of this ED. I know that it is possible for you. And, Jan is so right in that if your still feeling the same way after four years of therapy, then it's not working and time to try something new. We are here to help you through this.