For the past couple of days I've been super stressed out and feel like I can't take much more of all this crap. Seems like it's never ending!! If it's not my parents harassing me then it's something else. Like now my friends (who are dating) are fighting because of me. It's never ending talk! All her family is ganging up on me and want to hurt me. She is being a B*t*h!! Been punching anything and everything in sight. Have a phone interview with that place in Bluffton to see if I'm accepted to their program to get some help. I'm at my breaking point and no I'm not typing this to get any feedback. I just don't care anymore!!! DONE! :'/
1 Heart
Hey i hope your okay there u sound like you are having just the same things going on as me i know how u feel and im not just saying that ive resorted for the last 2 days locking myself into my house and avoiding any contact with humans outside lol ive been getting really angry at people around me to the point i feel safest in my bed!! My freinds all use me and im getting onto that fact now my family want to play the blame game and its always in me so again your not alone in these feelings
@ Krazykat78 I'm ok as ever. By that I mean I'm fighting through the crap. Everything I've been through and still going through makes me a fighter. I have to fight!! Not easy and like I said I don't want to live another day simply because I'm so overloaded with stress and emotions. With me being a fighter I've learned to fight everyday so I can work and do my college classes. I think all that on top of everything is making is worse though. A lot of people tell me to toss all the stuff in the past and move forward with the good. Easier said then done!! I feel like some people just don't get me. I'm honestly to the point where I want to just end it all including my amazing job. Just so drained! It's only going to get worse when I get home from work. I feel like with what was said may not go down good. If she has her family there waiting to beat the s*I* out of me. If so I'm the type of person that doesn't back down or stop till I'm done. Just can't keep living this way. It's so unhealthy for me. I mean when I was 12years old I was pregnant and lost it. Kind of glad yet sad all at once. Glad because it was from my dad and sad because I feel like I killed it doing drugs and getting beat on.
@ Kraykat78 I don't mean to be mean but I'm glad to hear that you understand me and know how I'm feeling. I mean most people just don't understand like people who have been through some of the same crap. My problem is I love each and everyone of the people hurting me that I keep allowing it to happen. Need to shut them all out of my life. Think it would be better that way. Been in counseling for over 5years. Helps some but other times I feel like she's a broken record on repeat. May have to go to the ER after I get off work. My hand is swelled up and turning some great colors. Can't move it... think I broke it when I punched the church building. Oh well!! Felt good doing it.
I know exactly what u mean if only we could do that its like ive always been told "get over it" if it was that easy it would have been done already if its not healthy then you know u cant continue with it or u wont be able to get some release for yourself and start repairing yourself just dont forget your not alone in any of this
Lol felt good at the time and hurts after sounds the story of my life that it may be worth a visit to the er plus keeps u out the situation a bit longer too
@ Krazykat78 I'm glad you know what I mean. Makes me feel like I'm not really alone even when I feel like it. I agree! I mean that's like with my situation when I was held by my parents as a sex slave from age 3-12. If it was easy I would of been over it after the beating or intercourse happened. People are crazy!! Ya what I do isn't healthy and I know that. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a place in Bluffton. It's for battered women that need help with dealing with their past. It's a really good place and I feel like it'll really help me. Nervous but looking forward to it. You can look it up at A Friends House in Bluffton,IN or help4women.net It's a very interesting place.
@ Krazykat78 That it did. It always feels great when I do something like that. I'm so worked up that it doesn't faze me. Could care less when I do it. Indeed it does hurt now. Hate going to the ER but I thought that too. I'm thinking about going to stay with a really good friend tonight.
I think that's a great idea and if u have got the phone interview tomorrow aswell they may be able to rush it through for you especially when the time is in need! I'm sorry to hear what your parents done that is totally wrong I live in the uk we don't have enough support where I live it's a group therapy once a week or be hospitalised they are my options with a 10 year old son my choice has been made for me
I'm hoping the phone interview goes good and I get some good advice. There's a lot of support groups here in IN but I just don't have time or don't want to join because I feel alone. Thanks but I tell people I'm used to it and it's what makes me me. I'm sorry you don't have any support but I'm sure your son is what makes you fight. I think about the baby I lost everyday and think how great of a mother and even father I would be. Better then my parents!!
U will find the people who have had really bad pasts make brilliant parents for their own children and I'm pretty sure when the time is right u too will have your own child one way or another I think that your telephone interview will go great it's just the negative thoughts jumping on the thing that is going right in your head like they do because the bpd wants us down drained and full of negativity lol definitely get your hand sorted out tho because if u leave it it may just cause more problems than u could do without part of our condition is not being understood and unheard so now it's your time to be heard by the programme that will help u the most.. Make the most of it.. Yes my son keeps me going although I end up feeling guilty because of my condition not letting me do as much as I want with him like il plan days out an my anxiety will kick off I've only just let him start playing out which again is because of my anxiety and condition so it does have it's downfalls.. Let me know how u get on tomorrow and I hope all goes well
@Krazykat78 Thanks for being supportive and listening to me vent. I get off work in a half hour so I need to start cleaning up the classroom. I'll try to pop on tomorrow or Thursday to let you know how the interview goes. Feel free to just comment or message me.
I will do Hun I will check in with you to see how your getting on and your more than welcome just remember there are people out here who want to listen and be there for you were not all against you hope all goes well tomorrow and u get your hand sorted out real soon too.. And don't punch walls it feels good at the time but not so much when we have calmed down lol so again we are hurting ourselves in the joy of others
@Krazykat78 Yesterday the phone interview went really good. The lady did have some red flags meaning she had a few (2) concerns on if I'm ready to join their program. I'm hanging in their. Not easy but I'm a fighter so I keep fighting. Woke up this morning with a killer migraine. It's so bad it's messing with my vision. My friend had to drive me to work which worked out since she takes classes where I work. Hoping my medicine will kick in real soon or my boss might want to send me home...hope not! Have to teach math class this morning which I love since my boss/teacher is in a meeting but I'm not feeling anything today but sleep. Last night was more drama because the friends I live with (have been together for 4years) got into a fight because he told her he doesn't love her anymore. Got bad!! I went straight to my room to bed. She's being a b*t*h to me now which sucks since I look at her like my mom. Got hand checked out and all is good. Just bruised it pretty good. I'll try not to punch anything else but that's always my go to so I don't cut or hit anyone.