I had friends that were like brothers to me all my life. I would and have been there through anything with them. We all did our share of cocaine, weed, X growing up. I built two business from the ground up and was a workaholic. Made the mistake of trying meth to help me work and before I knew it, it took over my life and 2.5 years later was doing 2-3 grams a day while life I built crumbled around me. I am clean for almost two years now. The friends I had for 20 years never bothered to ever try to come confront me or stopp me. They knew I was on deaths door and never came drag me to to rehab or at least talk to me. I stopped on my own. Managed to clean up on my own while working my *** off so I woulnt lose what I had left and build my business again. I rarely get a call from them to say good job or how is it going. I feel like my whole life was a lie. To me they are not part of my life anymore. Done with them. The people you least expect it were there for me. I had customers I once had call me to check on me. Did the materrial **** change them where they were blind to who they are? Should I let go and accept them if they try later to be a part of my life?
My friend, in the bible jesus was asked, how many times do you forgive someone? 7 times? jesus said, " Not 7 times, but 7 times 70. That can be a tough thing to do for people because we tend to think of ourselves only.
The Moral of this story is that Yes, you forgive and forget what they have done to you, wipe the slate clean.
but you also, don't have to have them in your life if they continue to be a bad influence, however, we are supposed to be of service,and you can decide if it would be wise to asociate with them.
You do this not only for them, but more for yourself, let that anger( if you have any ) go and move forward with your life. makes you ultimately the better person.
hi, your story is amazing :o) congratulations on your sobriety. As for your friends, its likely that because they were doing drugs as well they immaturely concluded that to try and stop you would be hypocritical. People are not always comfortable with discussing addictions with those addicted, and that was probably their convienent excuse. There are friends for different things, them not reaching out to you may not be cause to cut them loose ,but perhaps you may just have to reduce their friendship role as 'sailing buddy' or something to that extent where you may still hang out enjoy each others company laugh at inside jokes, but your expectations are changed. It would be good to remain in touch because you never know when they will need you. Ive found that when those type of individuals have things come up in their life thats grimey and unpretty and very real they run to the person they know who faced grimey, unpretty and very real situations and overcome those situations. To speed the process call them to see where their head is at, if they act 'funny' then move on forgive and thank God your struggle allowed you to grow and get in touch with another side of your compassionate self, giving you depth and a quality that will help you continue to grow.
I have one friend that intentionally did several things to destroy my life. He thrives on putting others down, manipulating me. When he found out I was on meth when I asked my family and everyone to help me, he told everyone he knew. My clients for business, parents at my childrens school, made up horrible stuff to make it worse in their eyes. He has CF ( a lung disease ) and everytime i got mad at him he would call me and say he was at the end. I heard so many things that he said to people about me that I told him in my eyes he already is dead to me. After that he made up some **** and I almost lost my three boys and family because of. He is in hospital right now. His kidneys are failing. I hate him but it is tearing me apart because I knew him for 22 years. I will not go see him and when he dies it's going to haunt me. I am human unlike people now of days. I won't have anyone in my life like that anymore. How r people do cruel?
dnryan
i do understand how you feel! my husband is an addict and sooo many times i have asked/begged his family to help me, help him. but no help! my husband comes from a large family, he is the baby of 8 & 39 year old adult-child! i have gone throught 4 rehabs in 5 years, with me solely supporting him. i don’t get it! where are family/friends when you really need them??
I have change so much from my exierience. Seeing a different view of the world. Money and matterialism are not real. I will be successful again but only for my family to be secure and protected. I am totally involved, in love and dedicated to my kids now. I went from a meth addict to their soccer coach. Cub scout leader, there wrestling and most of all I am
Trying to figure out how I can Help them grow and learn to control the addictive personality traits that the got from me and channel it towered anything positive they want to do. Other fathers around us on get togethers sit there and I am
The one bringing all the kids fishing and stuff, but I still get that look that all they see is that I was a meth addict. It's like I am. In reality and they are not now. Everyone is an equal to me now. I have lost ability to judge. I am very proud of myself. I have more of a problem with how people become inhuman, hatefull and selfish today than the idea if using.
Ugh..... i have 3 people in my life like your 'friend', including my own mother ,those types are incurable. Im sorry that he is such an ***. Dying or not he should be held accountable for his actions.
I would like to offer you this.... and I hope you think about it.
You can forgive this former friend, and forget what he has done, could you have the courage to go see him? tell him you forgive him and move on? There is no point in hating anyone... just not healthy, I once hated a former ex wifes guts for leaving me for another man...hated her for over 20 years, what a waste, Today, I no longer hate her, chat on occasion about what our daughter is up to, and that we are going to be Grandparents.
In the end, this friend is going to be held accountable for what he has done, but its ultimately not up to us....
Ron
All of my friends were like your 'friend' actually. ALL OF THEM. I've been quitting on my own as well, because I finally saw the ends to a mean. I got arrested on January 12th, and then again on February 12th. On February 10th of this year I left my apartment because of the **** that was going on.I lived with all of my friends. It might as well have been a traphouse. There was a huge arguement between me and my BEST FRIEND. My 'Ride or Die' if you will. He had woken up and his last two smokes were gone. I had just gotten back from work and had no clue who had smoked this, but he blamed me. Words were tossed about and I grabbed what meager possessions I had left, closest to the door and walked outside and started crying. He was still talking ****, i was coming down, it was abad situation. I went to a friends house and slept for 2 days, when I woke up, I called another friend, also a lot like this "friend". She borrowed a friends car and they came and got me. We made it 2 streets down and was pulled over for a taillight. I was the only person in that car out of 4 people that was cold stone sober, and I'm the ONLY ONE that got arrested. One of them was even driving without having a license at all. I was charged with all paraph and drugs in the car. And Ironically taken right back down the street from where I was running to, to the police station. I stayed in jail for 26 hours. When they asked if I wanted a phone call I called my cell phone. Not only didn't she answer, but they later flipped my phone for drugs. That was the only number I called. When I got out, I walked down the road to where this all started. Slept on the couch, got up another day later, hoofed it back to my parents house. I stayed away from everyone for a week. When I went back I found out two more of my "friends" were in prison, and everyone was accusing ME of snitching. I have all my charges still, I did my time, I'll do more, and yet, I can "get the **** out" because Im a snitch.
I've revamped everyone in my life. I literally cannot be around a user, nor can I trust anyone thats on my doc because I know what it does to people. I took so many people down with me, but I saw what they became as they got more and more involved with my world. They were worthless as people because they'd thrown anyone and anything under a bus to spin. It'll never work. But you do have to understand that your friend handled the situation incorrectly in your eyes, it doesnt mean you need to act incorrectly. If you don't go see your "friend" in the very least, you know youll regret it. I sucked it up and went and saw a friend that did the very same thing to me just the other day, and though I'll never forget, I did forgive. I'm not on their level. Everyones a human being and deserves a shot in the world. You yourself admitted your wrongs, and you know how some of the things you did and went through changed lives forever, but theres people willing to move on.
Don't leave anything until tomorrow. If you go and at least make peace with the situation and yourself, you'll be one more step forward in life and one more hurdle down.