I concur!! Thanks for that post. You are most certainly correct. That's how I live my life. I guess the biggest, cause I've had many, moment of forgiveness recently came when I forgave my mom for years of pain and rebellious family battles against me and my sexuality. I held on too that pain and that anger for years. It all started back in 2000, when I graduated from highschool. Imagine that at the dinner for a graduation. "Thanks for coming everyone, I really appreciate it. I will be attending ULL in the fall where I will major in gay." You would've thought that's how I announced it, the way she reacted. Truth be told, she discovered via phone call. Yea, she regretfully ghosted a late phone call between me and someone I had just started seeing. Well, lets just say she believed me after hearing what she heard. No more doubts. We argued for years and years. I already had so much too deal with internally so it wasn't what I needed.
I was made an outsider. Everything that went wrong at home was my fault because I was a "sinner" and so I brought the devil in. I chose a guy over my family. She even called my grandfather and had him tell me that one of my family members died of AIDS, not a heart attack as i was told. Meanwhile, he was crying his eyes out. A 70 something man crying isn't exactly easy too handle. So, although we patched things up a few years later, I still held on too the anger deep inside because I was very hurt. I thought I forgave her, but I didn't and when I got angry early January with her about a topic, I went off on her. I cursed her out, all of the past anger or being abused, being forced too choose between my life and my family, countless arguments, all came out in full force. I later realized I hadn't forgave her for alot.
I would never do that. I always forgave because I don't believe in holding on too anger, it dampens the spirit. I don't like for my ex's too even hate me. I don't like tension or anger in any situation. When I was a little boy, and my mother and I would get into it, I was in her room ten minutes later resolving and apologizing because I didn't like tension. I am a happy spirited person, so the actions that occurred in January stated I had issues of my own. I educated myself on what was going on, revisited my past feelings and rid myself of those grudges that were buried deep down inside. I called her and I apologized. I heard this quote when watching Oprah one day, not sure where it came from, but she said: "Forgiveness if obtained, once you give up hope that you can't change the past". It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I apologized too my mom and in fact my sister, because we had gotten into it as well, and I shared with my mom that I was suffering from bi polar, which is why I went off on her like a stranger in the streets. Once again, we bonded closer than ever. My sister called not long after, apologizing too me, for saying hurtful things and I told her, no need, it never happened, lets move on, we are family and we love each other. I learned how too forgive not only through words, but through my heart. Once I forgave with my heart, I felt it. It was like someone hugged me from within, a sense of warmth and love like never before. I finally learned the true meaning and method of forgiving.