I have two girlfriends who talk my ear off every time we talk on the phone and every time we see one another. It's beyond exhausting. I listen to all of their dating and relationship problems for hours on end. I don't mean to be insensitive, but I just can't take it anymore. The analyzing and over-analyzing of men is wearing me down to the point where I almost had a meltdown last Friday. This is all layered on top of all of my own personal and professional stress.
Rarely do they ever ask "how are you?". Maybe once every 5 conversations. I don't want to be a bad friend, but I am beyond drained from these two friends. I feel like they're so selfish and never stop to think that maybe I have something going on.
i tend to let the answermachine do the talking when its been a heavy day, then i decide if they need to have a return call or if its a whine fess again,
sometimes people dont realise that they are not talking to u but at u
if u feel the need to return the call make it clear how long u have to talk, before u have to go and do something else
i find they condense the chat to a managable level then
Thank you so much Domestic! That's such fantastic advice. I really give way too much time to listening to friends' problems. My best friend said that I have to give a limit to each conversation and make them far and few between with friends like that. He said when the self centered behavior goes on for too long, then it's time to pull away a bit.
When I read the title "Friends causing me so much stress" my first thought was why are you letting your friends cause you so much stress? I agree with domestic on using the answering machine and check your caller ID to see who is calling. I have certainly had to do this in the past. We are responsible for ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves, who will? I also agree with letting them know how long you can talk. You can end a conversation anytime. You can do this politely by saying you need to go for whatever reason. I hate to end phone calls myself at times but I have had to. I am responsible for me.
I've been in similar situations where everything is about them. Answering machine is one way to go but I would try being honest with them and telling them you need a more well rounded friendship, that you don't mind being there for them but that you aren't their ears or therapist. There's only so much you can talk about over one topic before it becomes annoying. I must admit, I sometimes am guilty of going on and on about a relationship problem or something that upsets me, but never do I neglect whatever is going on in my friends lives... it must go both ways. We all have ups and downs, we need to be there for one another during both.
You have things going on in your life clearly, take care of yourself, if you need time away from them, take it. Sometimes we all just need to reboot!
Thank you both so much for the wonderful support and advice.
Bluidkiti, you are so incredibly right! I am the one allowing them to cause stress in my life, thus it's up to me to set-up boundaries.
July, thank you for sharing your experience and the advice on letting a friend know how I feel. I know that they probably don't even realize that they are doing this. I understand when something is going on in the moment and you need to vent to your friends, but when it's the same thing over and over and over for months and months on end, it's gets exhausting.
So, I will definitely set boundaries and communicate how I am feeling.
I felt sad when I had to finally tell my friend of 42yrs. when she got snippy off & on at me as usual through the years (shes very self absorbed) & she would then text me "Sorry I WAS MOODY"..... "that I dont create problems in her life, I dont bring DRAMA in her life & to STOP directing her anger about HER life at ME". Now we havent talked in a month, it hurts even though I know its better for me right now. The boundaries I kept setting up, were NOT being respected & like you said Pup they are probably not aware of it.
April, I am so sorry for what you are going through with your friend, but you really did the right thing by giving yourself space from her. Sometimes it's very eye-opening for the friend that just doesn't get that they're over-stepping their boundaries by being so self absorbed. Good for you! Stay strong, I know that you will get through this so positively and be so much better off in the long-run.
I thought she would of tried to contact me by now though even if it is not the first time through the years she has SHUT me & her own children OUT. Just a sad thing.
Wow, that is so incredibly sad; not only cutting you [her good friend] out, but her own children. That just shows her true character. I don't know the history between the two of you, but maybe you are better off with a friend like this. You only deserve to be surrounded by good positive friends, and nothing less.
Btw, I had a friend shut me out and she never reached out to me again. After being there for her endlessly, she cut me out. Seems that she was a fair weather friend; when she needed me and I was useful in her life, then I was her best friend. Now she's apparently moved on. I came to find out that she did the same to an acquaintance of mine who I met through her.
I know that your friend will come back around if she's meant to be in her life. I just pray that she comes back in a more positive light for you.
I agree & yes it was mostly me giving my all or all that I could offer most of the 42yrs. & it sounds like alot of the same stories here in one form or another & if the patterns are there to begin with (I've said that alot here) then....... we know the rest. Thanks Pup.
Wow April, well I am so glad that she is out of your life because friendships are absolutely a 2-way street and if it's continually one-sided then there's something very wrong with that.