I have been burned so many times by friends and for so many reasons. I'm a good friend to others I'm loyal, caring try to be there for them. Listen to their problems. In return they are none of the things I listed to me. I've had friends that decided they didn't want to be friends after meeting another friend through me. Another major issue had been people being completely unreliable saying they are going to do something or go somewhere and completely backing out of it with some flimsy excuse or telling me extremely late in the day that they aren't going to go. I feel these people do this just to be mean and mess things up on me. Also I have my own house and I've had several people just want to stay at my house. I feel often people are just users trying to cause problems in my life and take advantage of myself and others because they have a mean streak. They flip around with plans so it's difficult to deal with them. I have had to deal with these problems over and over. I'm beginning to feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong but I don't know what that is. I don't try to use people and I don't try to cause problems. I just want to be able to have support and do something fun. However, with all the problems I've had with people recently and in the past dealing with friends hardly seems with it. This is all causing me a lot of anxiety and aggrivating this condition. Does anyone else ever deal with these problems? how do you handle them?
Catgirl, I can completely understand and relate to what you are going through as I have been there and done that with such friendships. I once had tons of friends, but of those people how many were really friends...just a handful, if that. For me, life has completely evolved and so have my friendships. Now, I have very few true friends who I can trust implicitly and who support me wholeheartedly, all others are acquaintances. I continually clean house of all people who are not positive and toxic in my life. Now, more and more so these people stick out like a sore thumb, so I make sure they're out of my life that much more quickly.
Just know that the wrong people in your life are like energy vampires; they suck the [positive] energy out of you, and at times you don't even realize it. I always say that I would rather be alone that with the wrong people.
Catgirl, I also thought I had a ton of friends until I started saying NO! See how many friends you have left once you start telling people no, especially those that seem to only want to use you. I have a few that have stuck around, very very few, but mainly my friends are my cats and dogs that love me and ask nothing more than food, love and a soft place to sleep.
Thank you both of your posts gave helpful advice. I will try and work on this. It's just so stressful to me to have to keep getting rid of "friends" and finding new ones and start all over.
That's also true about the pets since they give unconditional love and really ask very little in return no wonder so many people are so into their animals.
Catgirl, I've done it before and it's so worth it in the end. Think of it as a house cleaning and cleansing. You are cleansing your life of negativity and working to attract the right people into your life. That's what you need and deserve.
Hi catgirl, i am new here and i have to say i feel the same way. i have cried out to God asking why i dont have at least ONE good friend to confide in. I would like that! as a woman i think it is an essential relationship to influence the health of our sanity and growth of other relationships. yet, i have experienced the very same things with friends. Poeple are never what we need them to be in our lives but it has more to do with their own inability to appreciate a good friendship. We are people please-ers, always willing to give others our very best by being loving and open in our friendship with the hope of getting that space filled within us in return. Unfortunately, i have learned that giving of myself so quickly doesnt make me valuable to others. We need to set boundaries with others and let them get to know us and for us to know the other person better so that we can figure out if this is a quality friend to keep or move away from. My ex-husband had a friend who always said..."i choose my friends, my friends dont choose me" and he always added, "consider yourselves lucky that i call you my friends" at the time i took great offense to it, like he was doing us a favor. but he was right! he was valuing himself and his own choices. If We dont value ourselves, no one else will Catgirl....you are worth one true good friend, but dont rush towards it in your search, just let it grow like in your life....it takes time.