From "The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism"
Sin #5: Entitlement
"It is the nature of narcissistic entitlement to see the situation from only one very subjective point of view that says, "My feelings and needs are all that matter, and whatever I want, I should get." Mutuality and reciprocity are entirely alien concepts, because others exist only to agree, obey, flatter, and comfort -- in short, to anticipate and meet MY every need. If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my needs, you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy MY will, be prepared to feel MY wrath. Hell hath no fury like a narcissist denied.
The conviction of entitlement is a hold over from the egocentric stage of early childhood, around the age of one or two, when children experience a natural sense of grandiosity that is an essential part of their development. This is a transitional phase, and soon it becomes necessary for them to integrate their feelings of self-importance and invincibility with an awareness of their real place in the overall scheme of things that includes a respect for others... The undeflated child turns into an arrogant adult who expects others to serve as constant mirrors of his or her wonderfulness...
Narcissistic entitlement has nothing to do with genuine self-esteem, which comes from real accomplishment and being true to one's own ideals. Individuals who feel entitled to respect without giving it in return, or who expect rewards without effort, or a life free of discomfort, are forfeiting any powers they might have to shape their own destiny. They assume an essentially passive role and count on outside forces to make them happy. When what they expect doesn't happen, they feel impotent. By claiming entitlement, they demand to live in the fantasy world of the one-year-old child. No wonder they're enraged. Entitlement and the rage that comes with it are tip-offs to the arrest in healthy development that is narcissism." - Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW
2 Hearts
Very true! Before I knew about narcissism, I would tell my narc that he has this sense of entitlement that I couldn't understand. I need to write these sins in my journal! These are so true and it will help me to share them with other.
My ex narc worked at a grocery store and would steal whatever he wanted (even a grill once). When I told him it was wrong, he would say they don't pay him his worth so he is reimbursing himself
1 Heart
@Yellowrose10 Mine was the same. He felt the world owed it to him to give him whatever he wanted it. At 28 he lived with his parents (I was 16 at the time) when they finally pressured him into getting his first real job. He quit almost immediately saying “How can they only pay me once every two weeks? That’s ridiculous! I worked all day, I should get my money when the day’s over. I thought this was America!” His only income was running illegal gambling rings and playing online poker. I tried to explain that anywhere you work in this country, most places pay you every two weeks. I got a punch in the ribs for my trouble.
@Yellowrose10 Ugh. So sorry he treated you that way. They always try to pull us in to their illegal activities. Mine had me open up bank account and do shady dealings money-wise for him.
Entitlement- yes! Mine would call at any and all hours and go ballistic if I didn't or couldn't answer the phone. I was in the shower, in a meeting, at the doctor, no, it didn't matter. I didn't answer HIS call when he wanted to talk to me, so in his eyes, I was "playing games" with him, and was an awful person. Then he would go off on me, I would basically beg for forgiveness, and he would laugh and blow it off in the next minute, like "why are you apologizing?"
1 Heart
yeah, this reminds me of my brother a bit in regards to our mom. Even as he says it today "she was irrational" and he "had to [scream, berate, cuss out, ignore all parental authority] to make her see reason"
I don't know if he's a narcissist or not, but he seems to have some tendencies in that direction. He's said he worries about this himself once, in one of his rare vulnerable moods after an hours long argument.
Anyway this was interesting to read, thank you.