Frustrated right now... Contracted herpes from my boyfriend and he didn't know he had it. The doctors tested him and told him he was clean when he wasn't. Now I have it and am angry, sad, frustrated, depressed.... every emotion really at the same time. I had always been so careful. Every time I try to talk to him he just gets more depressed and shut down because he's so upset with himself for giving it to me. Has anyone had issues talking with a partner like that? What do I do?
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From my understanding, many people have herpes without showing symptoms, and then one day it just shows up. You should let him know that this easily could have been the other way around. It's hard for both of you, but you have one HUGE advantage that many people don't - you have another person who really understands what you are going through, and you need to support each other. Shutting down and shutting out doesn't make the herpes go away. You've got it, so best to move forward. Opening up and supporting each other is one way to help manage those feelings of anger/sadness/frustration.
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The most frustrating part is that he had blood work and swabs done twice. I was there for the doctor reading the results and telling him he was clean. And what this **** doctor did not mention is that he was positive for the antibodies. How can a doctor say thats clean? This guy is an absolute joke. oh.... so angry....
I wish my boyfriend did understand. He has no pain or symptoms. Even when he had the bumps he said they never hurt. I on the other hand had intense pain. When I try and talk to him he does the man thing.... meaning rather than listen he gets frustrated and upset says "well Im sorry ok" then walks away or goes and hides in the tv. Until I found this page I was feeling very alone even living with someone who has it.
(That was like me and my ex-gf. I was painless; she was not). It's hard for me to give you feedback since I don't know what you're trying to talk to him about. "Well Im sorry ok" sounds like you were blaming him? I'm not say that you were, but maybe you should try approaching the subject differently. Try talking about hsv in a general way. Look up some statistics and share them with him. Talk about how to manage with a healthy diet and anti-virals. Don't make the conversation about getting/giving herpes. Make it about the positive lives that you both will have moving forward.
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Thats the thing with guys is their tests wo t show positive unless they have an open sore.. my ex gave it to me he never had anything like sores and stuff at all that I new of.. but its for sure him that gave it to me
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@2424 The thing is that the blood tests both showed antibodies and that doctor just didn’t mention that. I only know this now because I had him request his test results. In my opinion that is negligent of the doctor to not disclose that.
The "Im sorry ok" statement comes out in instances like after I come out of the bathroom and it was a very painful endeavor. He asks what wrong and Ill tell him that It really hurts so much to go to the bathroom. Or when I come home from work and the whole day has been painful (I work construction) from having to move around so much. He asks whats wrong I tell him "Im really in a lot of pain hun. Its harder to do my job now" His anger response is from his feeling bad but I am left feeling alone. I just stopped telling him the problems Im having. Ive tried reassuring him that we both took precautions and all the tests and its not his fault. I even told him I just need him to listen and be a little sensitive.
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I can understand his frustration. It sounds like he's taking the blame for everything and is frustrated because there's nothing he can do. I do understand your need to vent a little, but you're both in a very sensitive time right now. He's probably trying to cope with his own feelings and problems. You need to talk positive and moving forward. Don't dwell on what the doctor should have done or the negatives. Herpes can have huge negative psychological effects on a person's self-esteem, so I think it's important to build each other up right now with positivity. Ultimately, you can't control what he does, but you can set an example for him to follow.
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