I just joined this group to find an outlet for my feelings and to feel connected. Right now I feel so alone and hopeless. I'm frustrated with the ongoing to struggle and fixation on food. I'm frustrated with my discontent with my body and my continual quest for the perfect body. I
am 5'9 and my weight fluctuates from 124 to 130 almost weekly. I'm frustrated with the fear that the binge will not end this time and my weight will continue to increase. I long to feel content with all the good things in my life. I have alot to be grateful for, but I don't feel happy. I feel ugly and unhappy. So trite! As I write those words, I feel so silly. I am successful in my career and have a loving husband. Things I thought would end my pain. No longer the party girl, who seeks male attention to feel good. No longer drinking and taking pills to escape. It's been four years and supposedly so enlightened. I'm a freaking therapist. How ironic! I can't help myself. For a few days or a few weeks, but I always end up back at this point of self hatred and looking for a quick fix. Obviously there is not one or I would have already found it. Please provide me with any suggestions for things that have worked for you. Thanks in advance. Peace....
Hey Anodoyne,
I understand how you feel and how frustrating this condition is. How long have you had this unhealthy attitude with food? Mine has gone on I believe since my first diet at the age of 15, I am now 27, since then I have gone through different EDs mostly bulimic tendencies.
You are not ugly, but you are unhappy. I also understand how devastingly lost this ED can make you feel. Have you acknowledged that you have an ED yet? It took me a while, after my therapist told me, for it to sink in that I really have an ED, it's not just a diet that is out of hand but it is something that I can't handle alone.
My advice would be for you to seek therapy...it is quite common for therapists to need therapy...you have to listen and take on board a lot of other people's worries during your work day and what a fulfilling career that must be. However, do not forget about yourself...you obviously need help and guidance to get to the bottom of this, and just because you probably know every text book regarding the issue it doesn't substitute really really talking it out.
There is no quick fix, but there is a light if you start to take those baby steps and slowly let go of those ED tendencies. You'll probably need to follow some kind of food plan in the initial stages.
Have you told your husband or does he know about your condition?
Keep coming back here for support...we understand how you feel and are here for you.
Much love to you
Moongal x