Fucked up

I can not even imagine where to begin, it's almost like I like the abuse. I chose it every time. Whats wrong with me?

Can you be more specific? Anything in particular? Or you would like help trying to stop repeating the same behavior that you keep finding/getting in relationships? Have you thought about seeking counseling/help/guidance? Please feel free to share your story, we're here for you.....

April

I guess everything is all mixed up. I just don't know. Yrs I have been in programs, mental hospitals, prison this time I am trying something different. Living with my younger sister and the love of her life. They believe in me and thats helping more then anything else has. I just realized I have love self esteem and am as co-dependent as you can get and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bi-polar! I will share more later thanks!

Hi Hlilley,

Having a good support system is a great place to be. Sometimes our world is so mixed up, confusing, and crazy we almost feel like we are in a blender on the frappee cycle, but just having someone say, "it's ok, no matter what, we will be here for you" makes everything just a little clearer. I've been there and still go there at times. Thanks for sharing. Glad you are here. (((((Hug)))))

Taralee

It's not fucked up for the people that understand and suffer too believe me.
I have gone through my life consitantly going in and out of the same bad abusive relationships!
I used to say I attract the BAD BOYS or ATTACHED MEN - when i think about it now I just slipped down a slippery slope from slightly abusive to what I ended up with being a complete and total literelly a psychopath who abused me to severe extreme in every possible way to my core til there was nothing of me left except skin & bone shivering wreck of a girl - but I found the courage & strength from somewhere to get away with 2 young babies - fled, ran as fast as I could and never look back that was almost 8 years ago and only recently have I decided I'm not scared anymore.

BUT I ENJOYED THE CHASE THE EXCITEMENT AND THRIVED OFF IT. I GOT BORED OF THE ONE NICE MAN I MET IN MY TEENS (17).
I DESPERATELY WANTED TO BE LOVED AND CRAVED ATTENTION AND USUALLY FROM SOMEONE MUCH OLDER, WISER AND WHO WAS SOMEBODY. I WANTED TO FEEL SPECIAL AND BE PUT FIRST RATHER THAN BEING SECOND BEST AS I HAVE BEEN FROM A VERY YOUNG CHILD. I JUST CONTINUED TO GET MYSELF INTO TROUBLE.

Now I have finally broken the circle and have been with my truely loving husband for 7 and a half years and we had 5 blissfull years. We still love each other to bits - but my mental health and issues and past have had a huge impact and effect on our relationship and has been very testing and a struggle. But we are still together and we have got through so much I believe we have a good chance of coming out the other side together.It's very intense and hard to deal with and cope with everyday bless him but he's still here and not many people would be.

He has looked after me and 4 kids full time for 3 difficult years. The first time in his life not working and he's such a grafter - we are hoping he returns to work in the next few months to try and get back some normality.

Perservere and continue building your confidence, your sister and family obviously are a great support and help to you which is wonderful.

Have belief in yourself and be happy you deserve it.

Positve thoughts are with you
keep writing your thoughts
I will help if I can xx

Hlilley,you're in a good place w/sister & you see that, please keep talking when you feel like it so others can read & learn.

April

Its good to hear someone shares my life story it feels really. THANK YOU ALL!

You are so welcome. Together we can make it through this.

Blessings.

Taralee

Im glad that it makes it feel more real and that your not the only one and you can share your thoughts with others who really understand are non-judgemental it gives me a sense of freedom and happiness whilst im just lost in this lovely support group.

Stay strong and keep trying xxx

Today is a good day. I find myself checking my e-mail for updates. You are all great and have helped put a smile on my face. Not feeling so alone is very freeing.

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse