Getting back on track

I haven't written on here in forever, nor have I even been on this site. I went almost three months without any symptoms of binging and purging. I was so proud of mysef! Each day I went without purging I placed a gumball inside of a jar, and each day I would be so excited to put another gumball in. But towards the end, I started not to care.. and the sense of accomplishment was fading. My boyfriend took my digital scale away which reay helped since I could no longer obsess over every tenth of a pound, but a few weeks ago I got it back.

Even though I wasn't binging and purging, I did find that I was exercising like crazy! Sometimes for three intense hours every day. I never gave myself a rest but I found that I really enjoyed being active. Then times started to get really stressful. I move in a month to go off on my own and start my junior year in college. I am leaving my family, and boyfriend behind and have to start a life of my own. I went to orientation and it was very overwhelming and made me feel very anxious. A few days after orientation... I went purged... I wish I didn't because that one purge spiraled and I went through a few weeks of doing it. It was almost as if I never stopped. I had to empty my jar out and it remained empty for a while. I need to get back on track and yesterday I had a good day, so this morning I put one gumball in my jar... but soon after I binged. But as of now I have not purged and I keep staring at my jar. I want it to be full again.

I hate the feeling of purging and I hate the lies and secrets it brings! My life was so wonderful without it and I hope to get back on track again. I mean.. when I think of only having a few slip ups in a three month period, that is something to be proud of! If I can go almost three months without missing it or even thinking about it, I can easily do it again, and this time for MUCH longer :)

Looking....each moment is a new beginning. I fully believe that! Thank you for sharing, and please be gentle with yourself. Life is challenging, but take it one day at a time....thinking of you....Jan

Thank you for sharing... I like the jar method...I'm Trying sooo hard to get back on track, also, This is the first time im writing on this site
33 years of this IS ENOUGH FOR ME.... Help

Thanks, I had a bad day again today... so once again I will have to empty my jar and start over, but I am not giving up hope :)

Lets do this together 1 day at a time... I think i'm going to put quarters in a jar..Starting with today and foward. So you start from this hour foward also. Don't worry about what just passed. So far so good for me today. Thanks for sharing!

Yes we can do this! I went almost three months without it and I can do it again, I just need to find that place I was in and STAY THERE! So the past is the past and I am ready to move foward :)

The rest of today will be good :)

ok I know we can do this... Ill check back with you later...Keep strong

quarter in the jar....quarter back out of the jar... FML. OK today is a new day

I ended up having a good night last night... Except I went for a walk with my mom and was super light headed the entire time but then I got a wild berry parfait from Wendy's and felt good about it and so far today has been good! Just nervous because I am home alone all day. I found a cool site called penzu.com and it's an online journal. The pages that you type on even look like notebook paper so I've started to journal again and think it will be so much better because I love journaling and typing is just so much faster. It's really helping me get my thoughts out and stay focused! I can do this! And you can too!! Tomorrow morning I WILL be putting a marble on my jar :)

Good for you, Keep filling that jar

mominabox and lookingonthebrightside,

I like the jar method! I think I may have to snag the idea and try it out! I'm just afraid of seeing the empty jar/box day after day, which will only increase my disappointment in myself. I wake up every morning thinking that today is a new day, but I can't seem to get out of this vicious cycle. Any suggestions? I'm definitely going to try the marble, gumball, penny, quarter (whatever I can get my hands on) idea!

Thanks!

The jar idea worked really well for me! I went almost three months without binging and purging. Just make sure you tell people what the jar means, that way filling it really does mean more. Before I would binge, I would tell myself I was not allowed to purge... because if I did, I would have to empty my jar. I went through some really stressful times and had to empty my jar. It took me a while to get back in that mindset of wanting to get better.. but tomorrow I will be putting my third gumball in the jar. I'm disappointed in myself that I let myself regress... but I have to try and stay positive and keep moving forward! I hope this idea works for you too, it really did help me live such a happy life for three months and I'm hoping it will allow me to move forward instead of heading for rock bottom...