today i realized that wanting to get better simply cause you don't want to hurt your loved ones anymore is definitely not enough, because as soon as one of them hurts you just a bit, you're right back in there.
you have to WANT to get better because you want a happy and long life back. but what if you don't care about that anymore?
You do care about that though, and i know that you care because you sought out this site looking for support and guidance. No one said the road to recovery would be easy, especially when depression is involved; i know first hand. But if you can lift the burden of ED from your life,if only even by a little, can you imagine how good that would feel?
Keep up the good work maedi, im rootin for ya, even when your not!! <3
There was a time when I was standing exactly where u stand now !
I cut my veins and I just wanted to die because I felt hunted by ED ... hunted every single moment of my life and it will never ever get better ! I didnt want the rest to suffer for me ... be in worry etc ...
Until one day ... when I stepped again the tharapist door and when she told me to come everyday until I pass this moment I realise that I actually have no change than get up this misery !
Trust me ! I ve been there and there is no change than to look forward no matter how it hurts !
here is a bright side to your situation, you have someone you want to get better for. it means you have someone who cares.
when i was at my worst, i had no one. i was literally starving to death and yes there were people there who tried to help. (i was living in a group home) my family didn't care and wasn't there for me. i had no one that wasn't being paid to be there.
thankfully someone came into my life who didn't have to be there and wasn't going anywhere. she was what saved me. sometimes it was for her, then i started to see what i was missing in life and i started to do it for me. it is still a struggle. it hurts a lot sometimes when i eat a lot. i want to puke and make it go away. but i don't because i don't want to die anymore.
i hope this helped some.
scarlette