My son shows me all these things my ex gave him over his visit. I see them and want to be happy for him that he at least he is doing something for our son but I don't I see them and I hate him for those gifts I want to burn and destroy them I am angry because I want to be where I don't need his help to give my son what he needs or wants I want to be able to sure I can buy you some shorts and tees for the summer but I'm afraid that if I spend a dime I wont have the money to rent even a small one bedroom apartment for us to go to.because lets say I get a judgement this week that doesn't mean he's going to pay it even though he knows I need it to get out of the house he let get foreclosed on
I want my son to have these things but I don't want to hate that he does have them either. I know my ex is buying his favor but I want to be able to just give him some safety of knowing he has a place to call home to put these things in too.
How do I keep from feeling this resentments?
Frame it this way: Your son's dad is able to provide material things and some necessary items that you can't afford right now. You, as the mom, are able to provide your son with love, guidance, and stability during a dfficult time. It's what you can afford right now. A few years from now, or maybe even in a matter of weeks, your son won't remember or care who bought him shorts and a tee, but he will remember who loved him, spoke softly, and didn't make him choose one parent over the other.
i think as a mother it is nomal to feel these things. but please dont show your son that you are angry. the best thing you can do is give him love and let him know your there. one time my mom got upset because i was seeing my dad and she took her anger out on me and said i should go move in with him me being a young teen was like ok fine so i opened my drawer to my dresser and she almost smashed my fingers slamming it shut. believe me if you just provide the best you can and tell your son that you love him he will know your a good mom and are trying hard. i would just smile and say thats nice hon.i am here if you need to talk.
Tedebear
see what your ex is doing as my ex is /has done the same. He is trying to buy your sons love by buying him gifts. My ex has promised my kids an ex box the newest version of course. told them he is going to take them to movies and on and on. Its all part of the manipulative gamers they play.
i have told my kids he can do whatever he wants that i am not going to try and play those games.
i believe its on womansdivorce.com where its has an article about this. there are also tips for single moms to on how to budget on little income.
Eventually the gift buying will probably wear off.
AG
Trust me I would never show him how I felt it would never be fair to my son to deny him those little comforts heck they are part of why I stayed in this marriage for so long so they could have those things I was willing to sacrfice my self for them to have those things because they didn't ask for me to marry him they had no say in it so I felt I had to do whatever it took for them to have the best that they could and if that meant that I had to pay the price then so be it I paid it.
I would give up my life for them and in a way I have done that. I could never cause them to feel they have done anything wrong and I believe that the relationships of parents and child should be protected when it is in the best interest of the child to bad my ex doesn't. Wednesday I am going to the women's abuse group to see what resources they have for me.
It was hard hearing them say I was abused though I know the name calling the begging the groveling wasn't normal or his drinking and throwing a entire kitchen at me wasn't normal but it was normal for me all my life I lived like that so I guess I need to learn what normal is suppose to be
I did exactly what foxy suggested I just walked away and said thats nice. it hurt at the same time but I told my kids I can't afford to be buying such gifts. Now the support is being garnished so I think he will find it more difficult to live up to his words to them.
AG
Oh AG you have been so right I see it clearly now. He is setting me up to be alienated by my children he did it while I was in the hospital and now right before court I am trying to do the right thing but in the moment the gifts weigh more then loving them in their eyes
I am going to this group they really don't want us in the shealter because of the age of my son but they would take us if we had nothing else they could even assist in putting us up in a motel if nothing else but I know that whatever help they can give us is limited the shealter is only a 30 day placement but they can get me moved up on section 8 housing I just want to be able to move forward not this limbo I have been for the past 60 days.
I am praying that the Judge knowing he lives out of state will make him pay to the state that way I don't have to chase him down for it. I don't know how this works when one parent is in one state and the other with the child in the state that the divorce is being heard in. I hope the judge will protect us by taking it out of his pay and have it paid to the state so I know that there is income coming in.
the court will take it out of his check if they find out he has a job. my dad moved to other states and that didnt make a difference. so you shouldnt have to worry about that. the part that is bad is my dad would work under the table so the government wouldnt track it so that could be something to worry about. in time he will think differently hes a kid right now so he thinks like one.as time passes our minds mature more.
My ex can't do his job under the table he works for a major bank as a traveling rep and his income can flexuate depending on his bonuses and his commission so it's going to be hard to figure what he makes I would love it to be the states problem I want as little to do with him as I can and the least amount of fighting I've had years of that he's manipulative and plays mind games that I do not want to have to deal with. Let him be someone else's problem for a change.
Once the courts receive an order from a judge regarding child support, that should follow him wherever he goes. If he is in arrears, it will affect getting a driver's license, buying a home, etc. My child support comes directly to me from the court. It was put in place years ago and I don't have to lift a finger. Since your son is older, you will only receive support for a short time, and then you won't have to worry about it anymore. I believe it is the law that employers have employees fill out and sign a form declaring whether or not they have a child support order.
If he did soft that would have been before he had one. His employer may not know what is going on but since he had to take a week off I would imagine he had to tell them something. I just don't have a clue what it is
I think YOU have the right to send the child support order to his employer and/or the child support enforcement department for the state in which he resides.
he will have to fill out what he makes and they will garnish his wages. if its different he will have to keep them up to date. you shouldnt have to worry about it. :)
I so pray your right Ashley