If you're like me, and I feel like most of you are, you do a pretty good job of bashing yourself for various things, whether it be food related or something else. My ED convinces me daily that I'm not good enough, I've done something wrong or I should be ashamed, etc.... I'm sure you get the picture.
Sometimes I feel like we are so involved in looking down on ourselves and what we have done wrong that we forget to give ourselves credit for what we have actually accomplished.
Well, today I decided to give credit where credit is due.
I looked back on my five years of active recovery and I started taking note of all the baby steps I've taken over that time. First of all, I admitted I had an eating disorder and that I needed help. I admitted I was flawed and could not recover by myself!! Not a baby step but a freakin' huge first step!!
Another baby step - I'm still here. I haven't given up on me yet. I have days where I think it would be better to give it all up and just go to sleep and never wake up but I haven't done anything to that end. I must still see some worth to my own life...although it sometimes seems very dim.
Another baby step - I'm actively pursuing therapy and reaching out for support here. I must feel worthy of support.
Another baby step - I go to work every day. I get out of bed, shower, get dressed and go to my job like a responsible human being. Yes, there have been days where I could not get myself to leave the house, much less try to accomplish things at work and try to act like everything was ok in my crappy little world. I've been able to successfully hold down my job for almost ten years now.
I guess I share that with you to show myself that when I'm in my ED haze and everything looks so bleak and grim, I need to reflect on my accomplishments and even though they may be tiny accomplishments to a non-ED'd person, I think you guys will relate to some of what I've said and agree that these baby steps are huge steps forward in recovery.
I wish I could always look at my steps forward when I'm feeling so down but I'm like the rest of you and still struggle with it.
Today's been a stellar day and I wanted to get this out there so maybe someone would see it and reflect on their accomplishments. One minute thinking positively about yourself is worth it! Give credit where credit is due!