Giving Online Dating a Try Again

I've given online dating a try a few times over the past several years and I've always run after a bad date and/or experience. My friends are trying to convince me to give it a try again and telling me to look at it as another channel of dating. As well, they told me that traditional dates gone bad are just as likely as online dates and I can't just run when I have one bad date, it's something that I have to give a real try.

I know that there are many positives to online dating, such as it casts a much wider net and you're more likely to meet people that you'd never normally meet. Also, most of the men who I met online said that they never go out to popular singles spots because all of their friends are married so they mostly do dinner parties and quiet dinners out.

I'd love to know your thoughts and experiences with online dating. Thank you so much for your help!

you know what i have been told a lot? i'm sure you have heard this one too. but love will come when you least expect it. just dont look for it. live life for you, in the moment. life is too short to wait for somebody to love you. love yourself above everything.

Wow Cherry_lynn, that's so profound, thank you. I do believe that it will happen when the timing is right, though I also believe that I have to put the energy out there that I am ready, willing and able :-) I signed up for an online dating site, though have yet to make my profile public. I've been hesitating for some reason and don't quite understand why. Maybe something in my heart and soul is telling me that this isn't right for me. Maybe I should just stick to old fashioned dating for now. Thank you so much for your time and your comment, I really appreciate it.

I agree that you have to put yourself out there but at the same time (corny alert) if your too busy putting yourself out there and looking for the one, the one might slip through the cracks.

Cherry_lynn, I do agree with you. I'm definitely not in a place where my time is consumed with finding the ONE by any means. It's important to me, but I also have a very busy life because of my businesses, so I'm afraid if I don't try online dating then months can go by without a date because I don't get out often enough. And when I do go out, it's usually focused on friends who I am catching up with.

one thing I've seen is that when you're looking for love it ddoesn't come but when you're not looking that's when it finds you. Love isn't something you can search for and find. It's something that has to find you <3 I know some friends that have searched and gotten nothing and when they give up and decide to just do their own thing and be single they get an overflow of men lol Love can happen when you least expect it so be open to it and let it find you. Get out the house mroe because you never know where your prince chaming may be waiting to find you ;-)

Oh my goodness Rose, you hit the nail on the head! You are exactly right. Whenever I am looking, I never find love, but when I let it go and just enjoy and embrace my life for what it is...then, comes rolling in :-)

I've let that facet of my life go and know when it's the right time for the two of us, then he will come into my life. In the meantime, I'm loving life; work, spending time with friends, and meeting nice new people. That's what it's all about.

Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom! You are sooooo well beyond your years.

I’m glad you’re having fun and enjoying life. That’s what it’s all about. When your time comes you will find love. Trust me when you look for love, you don’t find it, you just make yourself miserable trying to find something and then you end up falling for the wrong people nad more unhappy. It’s better to be alone than in bad company. I mean guys look at me and make comments and what not. If I wanted to yeah I could have a bf I ccould pick up some idiot on the corner that hollers at me and yeah I could call him bf buuuutttt I don’t want that crap. I want a real relationship with a respectful nice guy not a jerk. soooo don’t search for love because you’ll end up getting the wrong thing and falling for the wrong guy. Yes they say love is blind but sometiems we blind ourselves.

You are so right Rose, as always. I agree, it really does happen when you least expect it. If you're looking for it, then you're almost forcing something to happen unnaturally. I believe life is all about timing, so when he and I are both ready then we will cross paths and be in one another's lives :-)

<3 good luck <3
Where have ya been? I've been lonely w/o you girl. you ok?

Hi Rose, you are too wonderful. The past couple of days have been hectic and I've been away from the computer, so I haven't been online and here as much as I would like. How are you doing? How is everything progressing? Miss you too

I'm ok I'm surviving and taking care of myself. seeing people's true colors and not liking it but w/e you live n you learn/ you see fake ppl and you just learn to be caustious n not buy their lies. no need to be mean n no need to be like them. just gotta watch my back and not get close to these ppl I know don't care and hopefully this yr I can meet some better ppl you know. I couldn't choose the ppl in my family but I can choose friends =) and I always have me to take care of me!

Just chiming in. I am a guy, so I am not sure of how much my experience will matter. I have tried to date online. I can't say that I have had much more success than I did trying to date in person. I am not a very good dater. I never had much experience anyway. But I have turned to trying to date women from other countries. It still is hard. But I get excited about traveling overseas. I don't know if I will ever find that one woman whom I can love and who will put up with me. But I guess all I am saying is, that you can't give up the search.

We are Human Beings. We are social creatures. We need to find people to share our lives with. And most of us want to find that one person who is special among all others. I know it seems like a good idea to cut your losses and try to give up the search. But that, I think is kind of giving into despair. It seems like somehow being honest with people, being authentic and putting your heart out there just gives people the opportunity to crush you.

I know. I have been there, in fact, I am there now.

But it was Mother Teresa who said, "Being authentic and honest can be a hurtful and painful experience. But be authentic and honest anyway."

If you try to live in another way, you will simply follow the road to despair. Try to plan your life in a way that you can be your happiest and your best. If that is by finding a special person to share your life with, then why not make that one of your goals? If you truly don't need that person, then that is a different deal. But I played that game for a long time after my marriage ended and I wasn't telling myself the truth.

haha I like the quote!
you're a guy yes but your opinion does matter =)
can I ask why you want to date out of the country and not anyone from your area or country? you guys could still travel but you'd get to see the person more often. just curious. I mean in other countries ppl often try to just get a visa. I'm American. I was born here but nationality is not american and I know lots of ppl that are just after that visa and I've seen people get married and the relationship was just a lie cuz the gurl jsut wanted to come to this country so pretended to be perfect and loving for him...Not saying that there aren't girls that wouldnt fall in love with you for real but I'm saying that there are many out there that just want to come to this country and will try to fool you into falling in love so I'm wondering why you don't try dating women in the U.S. or in your state?
Good Luck in your search!

Wow MazimTaim, what an amazingly insightful and heartfelt comment. I am totally blown away by your words, as they are incredibly profound and so true. You are so right in that we can't give in to despair and we need to continue our search. You have no idea how much your comment helped me, as I've been so on the fence lately but everyone around me is pushing me to put myself out there more; online and offline (traditional) dating.

Please keep up your wonderful spirit and please keep sharing your wisdom with us here. I know that your ONE is out there and she will come to you soon. I am praying for that to happen for you.

puppy <3 I'm glad you got rid of this girl. If she talks about her "best friends" that way than yeah I'm sure she talks bad about you and you don't need the drama. I try to stay away from people like that. Gossiping is popular and people like to hear it so they keep you around for that purpose but once you have no gossip they ahve no need for you or you becoem the goossip. It's better to make friendships where it's not about gossip but about real conversation =) I hope you have some nice friends in your life. I'm trying to make more. And mainly the fake ppl are in my family lol Next semester I'm going to try to make more friends =) I like the ones I have but I feel like I need more so I can get out more =)

Rose, you are right, whenever she was gossiping away and asking me a ton about other people's lives, then conversation flowed, but otherwise it was silence and we had nothing in common. I really hate to say it, but she reminded me of one of the characters from Mean Girls. Funny, how when you have a few dramatic events, you really see a person for who they are, and she's definitely a mean girl. My friends in my life are genuine, compassionate and caring, and for that I feel blessed. I have very few friends that I trust implicitly, all others are acquaintances to me. It's easier to compartmentalize this way; because before I threw everyone in the friend category and was hurt a lot more often. This way, I have a couple of super close friends and others are more distant which is how I like to keep it.

I know that you'll make great new friends, because you're such an amazing person with so much love to give :-)

yes I agree the horrible events in your life allow you to really see people for who they really are because when you are upset and traumatized and going through things you're tolerance for crap is very low and the ppl start to annoy you and you think WOW this person is shallow and fake! why was I friends with them? they only come when they need me or wow all they do is gossip? we have nothing in common! no gossip nothing to do and it's boring and if they gossip they gossip about you too n make things up soo..... I know what you mean MEAN GIRLS lol yes and the thing is that when you hang with ppl like that people assume you are the same way and you don't want that. people that have nothing to do but gossip have nothing going on in their lives and are just boring unhappy ppl that don't know themselves to they talk about others. I mean everyone gossips! I know I hear gossip from ppl. I don't really spread it but I do hear it. And I don't talk about ppl I'm close with and betray their trust. you know what I mean. real friends usually gosip about people they are not close with or about funny things not spreading rumors about other friends because that's NOT a friend. like my close cousin who is about my age. I would be friends with her if she wasn't my cousin because she is pretty real! like she will tell you flat ypu "you're an idiot!" lol like she is jsut NOT fake at all which is why I IM and chat with her...(not the cousin coming to visit she's like late 30s) this cousin is 21. but we sometimes talk about the stuff going on in other cousins' lives (ones we don't hang out with but we hear the rumors the family spreads) and we exchange info and we laugh and it's funny but I NEVER tell people things she tells me in confidence you know. cuz we are friends! and I don't talk about friends! I hate when ppl do that. I have acquaintances like that but I'd NEVER tell them anything personal b/c if they talk like that bout their friends they;d talk crap me right? My cousin n I laugh about the fake ppl in our family and all the drama going on it's hilarious oohhh if only you knew lol but we talk about psychology and random things too and we are both smart (in a family that really isn't full of intelligent ppl lol hate to say it's sad truth) and most ppl in mom's family are FAKE and dramatic lol but her and I have same interests in movies and other things and we are sarcastic and we are FRIENDS that what I told her. that I like her and talk to her cus we are friends NOT because we are related cuz I don't talk to many relatives lol she's cool. What you need in your life puppy are REAL people. people that when you ask an opinion they don't lie and say what you want to hear but tell you the truth! someon that will tell you you look riddiculous if you show up with your hair dyed in a rainbow! lol not someone that will say you look great and go talk crap about you. ehh idk if that makes sense but basically look for people that are genuine and are themselves b/c ppl that act fake ARE fake and wont really care cuz they jsut care about their image and wont care to backstab you to protect it. lol I'm glad you have good friends. I have some good ones but I'd like more. sooo I'll work on it. I have met great ppl here though =D

Absolutely Rose! You are such a good honest friend and those are so hard to come by. If you can count your true friends on one hand, then I believe you're a very lucky person in life. I can definitely count mine closest friends, who I trust with my life, on one hand. All others are acquaintances to me and those who I don't share personal information with.

And you said/wrote it so right; when you have a lot going on in your life, you have very little time for ridiculousness from negative people and they stick out like a sore thumb. This "mean girl" would constantly call and text bashing other people. I was always so busy and that's when it all came to surface for me...why am I friends with this person????

I'm really so sorry that you have to deal with fake people in your family, I know that it's not easy, but you are dealing with it so wonderfully. Smile, try to be nice, and live your own beautiful life.

It's all about knowing who your real friends are...whether they're family or not.

well i agree! the girl (cousin's wife) that was fake n did that thing on fb my sis and I were tlaking about it and my sis was telling me how this girl would gossip to my sister and talk crap about her own sister! I mean come on! (and my sis os friends with her sis so it's not like casual cconversation where my sis doesn't know the girl) If you'd talk crap to ppl about your own sister to people she is friends with that says a lot about your character! I might get mad at sis but I'd never talk about her to a mutual friend!!! maybe I'd complain here or to a personal friend of my own that doesnt know her but never to a friend that is her friend also like really!!! that's such a bad thing to do! It's one thing if you're upset and vent about someone you know to onf of your friends but if that person knows the person you're somplaining about it's just wrong. Plus your own sister! seriously! like I don't even have words to describe how wrong that is! I'm trying to come up with something but can't! It basically speaks for itself though! I'm glad I discovered the fakeness. n sad thing is I'm more loyal to her than actual cousin. If anything were to happen I'd have taken her side without hesitation! and if there were things to be told I'd soo ner keep her secrets and warn her about his stuff if she asked than vice cersa because I THOUGH she cared n felt cloer to her than him. but whatever you live n you learn right! she's stupid. I've always been loyal n never said the things she tells me! EVER! and it would be easy for her to know because people gossip n it would get back to her and I'd be the one she told so she'd know. n if I keep her stuff secret and talk to her and agree with her on things and advise her to stand up for herself or take her side in things or just the fact that I don't tell ppl what she tells me why would she not treat me well? y would she be fake to me if I'm real with her? or maybe she just doesn't know what real is because she is so fake?! or she just doesn't know how to be real? She is the type of person that is overly nice and just needs to be liked by everyone even though ppl will jsut be fake nice. I did nothing to her but she decided not to treat me well and once I've been hurt and see you as you really are I cna't be tricked again and the friendship wont be as good. it just will never be the same. w/e i know she is fake so I'll be nice when I see her no need to be mean but I wont confide nothing in her or stand up for her when people talk crap about her. i dont care anymore.