sometimes like now i wander why i even try. perhaps i should give up it would be so much easier
I need help I know but right now life seems like too much to handle alone. im scared
Do you feel any better this morning Augustana? I have moments I feel like I can do nothing right, I am nothing but a burden, that if I was gone nobody around me would ever have any stress to deal with, like I am a problem overall, you know like I should just give up. I cut myself and cry; I make myself vomit and starve myself and push everyone around me that cares away before they can hurt me. I can't see things any other way but my way, all that is just the tip of the ice berg... not only do I do those things but my mood flips as much as my emotions change and I am prone to hurting others as well... It always seems like it is to much for us. We always wanna just make it stop. It is those moments when we can think clearly for 5-10mins that we are able to see this stuff as irrational and abnormal, the rest of the time, it seems, that just having it pointed out to us makes everything worse.. At least this is how it is with me and a lot of people I have met with this diagnosis. Did you know that bc of these episodes we have that make us feel like this that bpd has like the highest suicide rate of all the mood disorders? Learning that opened my eyes a little to things bc I have children and I don't wanna leave them. I hope to everything you are able to find solace and a good therapist to help you through these moments... It'll be ok Augustana.. It will... I say this now, but in an hr I could be on here crying that I wanna die (we r tricky people), lean on this site like I am, it is always good to have a rock, even one like this, specially when you have no one.. good luck and hugs to you, you aren't alone.
That feeling crosses my mind on a daily basis and some days it is harder than others to push aside. Come to this site. Talk to people who care and understand. When my docotored excplained some of my mood disorder issues and helped me to look fo rtriggers and create tools to deal with them, it became easier. Reach out. Keep reaching out. We are all here!
I understand it is hard to get help. Especially if you have tried multiple times before and never have seen lasting results. I've tried around 8 antidepressants and seen around 9 psychologists over the years (and I am only 22). It is hard finding a good match and kind of reminds me of the whole dating process. I found a good therapist I've been seeing in recent years but I am moving back home and will no longer be able to go. In an hour from now I have an appointment for a consultation on if I should go on medication and I really hope this time I can get the right drug to help even out my extreme moods.
I suggest seriously going out and looking for a therapist (ask a friend or family member if you need help locating one). Or at least go to your regular doctor and see if they can prescribe you anything, even if it is just short term. Xanax is the one thing that helps me (but I kinda wish i had a medication that works more long term). It is antianxiety and good/ fast-acting for when you see you mood about to change for the worse. It it a good way to mellow you out and take little edge off the emotions until you can find a real medication t take daily that can help more long term.
Wish you all the luck!