I know I am over analyzing this, but if I don't I will freak out later.
My friend invited me to go to dinner with her and her friends to Panera Bread. I have never been so I don't really know how it works, but I want to go be social and have fun. I am trying to eat more everyday because I haven't been doing well. I can totally do this.
I did look at the menu, because if I know what is in it, the less likely I will sit there and freak out, and I can build myself up for the next hour to be able to eat it. And surprisingly Panera bread can be relatively healthy :)I was happy with the choices. I decided on half a sandwich and soup yumm!!!
My goal for today was to not freak out or have a melt down. And it is working. And plus my goal was to eat more. And I am doing well so far today and for what I have planned at dinner. I am confident, and I think I can do this.
I hope everyone else is having a good Thursday! Its almost Friday YAY!
you are doing well. going out to eat is fun once you get used to it again. i hope you have a great time out. and Panera Bread is a great choice to go. i think your friend who invited you might have known how healthy (and good) the food there is for you. it can be a way to ease back into being able to eat outside of the house again.
i do have a few thoughts that might help you relax while enjoying your meal. use them if they can help.
try not to focus on the food or calories in it. (easier said than done,i know) try to find a way to distract while eating. if your friends know about your food issues, before you get there, ask them if they can help you by means of your choice distraction while the food is being eaten. also ask them not to comment on what or how much you ate if it might trigger you. that part seems common sense that your friends 'should' know but sometimes i am surprised at what is not common knowledge for someone who doesn't go through or know what i am going through. i've learned to say it just in case if i feel it might come up.
Gina- Thanks for the support!!! Eating does make me feel stronger. Like now I feel weak, I can't do much at the gym. And my heart isn't as strong, I feel it more tired when I walk or go upstairs. I haven't been eating half of what I need. But I know my body feels better when I eat. I don't know why I just don't do it! Why do I do this to myself?
Scarlette- My friend who invited me does know about me eating problems but she had previous plans to go and invited me as well. But it was a really good place I think to ease me into it. Last time I was taken out to eat was this weekend with my boyfriend- he didn't understand that going to a Waffle place wasn't going to do me good. I was upset, with drawn, picked at my food... It was not a good time, and to make matters worse, what I did eat didn't agree with me so I got sick from it anyway....
I will try not to focus on the calories. I mean I did look them up so I wouldn't find out later I ate too much and that I was uncomfortable with. I picked a decent amount so I don't have to worry about the nutrition anymore. I don't think I will bring up to help distract me- they already do that with out thinking haha- but some other people in this group don't know. I think I should be okay though. I will let you know how it goes :)
knowing the calories is not bad, that actually helps you not to obsess as you eat. so that was good. knowing the calories can be good if you find out ahead of time so you don't obsess over how much they might be as you eat. that was good planning on your part. i am glad you have friends that can help you ease into eating out again.
sorry your boyfriend didn't realize your struggle with taking you to a waffle house. i think he was just trying ot help but did it the wrong way. did you try talking to him later about it? most people don't understand the struggle and the inability to eat foods high in fat and sugars when starting to eat again. the body actually rejects them if it is not used to them.
i am not sure if you have a therapist that allows this or not, but maybe through talking to your therapist you can find out if they will have a meeting with you and your b/f to talk about what goes on with you and your body as you are trying to get back to what the world calls normal eating. this could help prevent another incident like that you spoke of at the waffle house.
Mmm Panera Bread, my number one choice if I chose to go somewhere to eat. Black bean soup, or the chicken tortilla is what I get each time :) I'm proud of you for going, being healthy, and for socializing! All three are very hard, so go you haha.
Dinner went pretty okay. I feel like I ate so much though. I ate most of it too! Haha and Kristin, I had the black bean soup! It was so good. I also had half a sandwich, turkey of some sort. And I felt rather safe with it. I am proud of myself though I am really bloated and it is quite uncomfortable.
Another thing is, I don't think I am going to go to the gym tonight. Even though I know ED really wants me to. I still have not eaten enough and I am realizing that. I already went the max my nurse said I could go and I am supposed to have a really active weekend with laser tag and ice skating...
I have a question allee, when you see ur nurse, just cause I don't know how meal planning and such works, do they give you a set amount of calories they want you to eat daily?
Mine didn't. Mine is doing the exchange system which doesn't work well with eating disorders. It's more like you have to have for example 2 dairys a day which equals 1 c milk, 8 oz yogurt, 1 oz cheese. The problem is, with an ED, you know what calories is in what. So you can manipulate what you eat to a minimum but still meet the requirements. I think using calories would be better even though I understand tht they are trying to make me stop counting..
sometimes counting calories is good, sometimes not. it may be better to do both, exchanges and calories. it makes sure you are getting the right amount of your food groups while allowing yourself the proper amount of calories.
Scarlette…I agree. Based on my own experience and research at the facility where I work, using rigid calories for a time, in a way that is pro-recovery truly does work better. For a while, a person may be more focused on counting, but’s it is for recovery, not weight loss, and over time, you can phase it out and begin to listen to your body. Everyone needs to do it for a different period of time, but for people who have eating disorders, expecting them to trust their hunger cues is just plain dangerous!
Take care…Jan
Unfortunately, I had a breakdown. I am giving me 'skinny' jeans from when I was very ill to my boyfriend tomorrow. I put them on... They fit but tight. I cried. Stupid pants.
Good thing, I was hungry after crying. I actually am eating something. Crazy huh? At least I am achieving my goal of eating a bit more right?
Gag!!! And I decided oh sure have some of your favorite chocolate! I binged. I'm so upset! I feel horrible. My stomach is making so many noises. I'm never eating that chocolate again! :( it's almost one third everything I ate today! So much at once. And ihave eaten more than I have in like 2 weeks!!! My stomach hurts so much.
I'm sorry Allee :( It's great you listened to your hunger q's and ate though, that's one positive. Chocolate can be healthy. My aunt (who is a nutritionist, and use to have an ED) eats two Dove squares of dark chocolate a day. As of the stomach pain, take Tums or Maalox. I always carry Tums in my purse. Take care, and I hope today is better <3
Panera is my favorite restaurant! I feel totally safe there, and there are several vegetarian options I cycle through. Black bean soup is one of them! :) I, too, know the calories. I can add up combinations of things there, etc., but I agree that that's a GOOD thing... Yes, ultimately in recovery you want to be free from counting, but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with doing so for a good long while... Especially if it is recovery-minded. ♥ I'm easing away from counting, but I still do sometimes. And I generally have a good estimated idea of where I am at any given point. ;0) Safe... Not restricting, but also with some reassurance that I'm getting just what I need. ;0)
Bingeing... I'm sorry... That's the WORST... I used to have major issues with bingeing on chocolate, too. Dark chocolate is good for you, though! What's more, I have found that the darker the chocolate, the less I need of it to satisfy my chocolate cravings, the healthier it is, AND the less likely I am to binge on it! Years ago I could binge on a bag of milk chocolate Dove! In recovery, for a long time I rationed myself two pieces of dark chocolate every day, too. Now I can actually buy BARS! And break off a couple of squares. And the rest of the bar can sit in my pantry for WEEKS! LOL! THAT'S freedom! ♥ No restrictions. There's something to be said for that... :)
i am sorry you had a problem with your chocolate. there are possibilities that can help there. when i have something i really love but know when i sit down i will eat and eat, i take a certain number out (15 chips, 1oz, etc...) but i do this and pre-pack them. i only take one package out and eat it. i don't look at the other packs i still have or allow myself another one. also, if you aren't sure you can eat just that without wanting more, find something to couple it with. chips go go with dip. you don't need a lot of dip and it can be any kind you want. but it allows you to enjoy the chips without wanting to overindulge. the chocolate couple it with fruit. strawberries are good. this allows you to enjoy your fav foods that you might binge on with less chance of going overboard. you know your body and what you can and can't handle. see what works for you.
Allee, we have all done it for the most part. But dont let your binge effect the rest of your day. Eat like it never happened and dont restrict because of it <3
