Good day everyone. I have PTSD. I've had it for 35yrs. I've been in therapy for 2.5yrs now. Its not getting better. I remember things now that I wish I never knew. I was tortured by my male parental unit for 11yrs. I understand that I am running out of time. Since Dec I have been going to a special bridge to stand on the edge and seal my fate. Last night I was on the bridge and I felt the time was right. I have been getting my affairs in order so my wife will not have to. Fixing everything that's wrong with the house, saving money so she is not left in a spot. I have paid off my house, all loans, so she will be dept. free and still have money to give her time to move on. So I'm on the bridge and it was amazing. No fear, no guilt. Then my phone rang. Sounds funny doesn't it. It was my wife wanting to know when I would be home. So I stepped down just like that and went home. I know my day is coming. Yesterday just wasn't it. I still have some things to finish. I promised myself that I would never see another summer so there is sort of a time line. I'm sure I wont make it far at all. I woke up this morning with the dread of existence. Again. Why am I here. Well this is a make shift journal for my wife to read when its over. Maybe she will understand. Maybe not. But this isn't about her. So to all of you that read this, you do not need to respond or comment. I've made it farther than I ever imagined. Farther than I ever wanted to. When will I go back to the bridge? Soon I hope. TIC TOC TIC TOC
Your note has made me so sad for you and your family. I bet your wife has been working hard to help you live a good life. She'll be so disappointed. That's the situation i'd be in if my guy gave up. I always tell him he's my hero. He's my hero simply because he survives everyday. I'm going to talk to him about this when i get home. I would not want him to secretly write a note like this. I would not give a sh*t about his affairs being in order. I love the constant chaos he brings to my life, because i love him. Such a shame that you're letting the "male parental unit" who tortured you win. It's taken a long time for him to kill you, but sounds like he finally succeeded. Apparently, his voice is still in your head. Such a shame you can't think for yourself. Hugs to you. I hope you find a way to fight this.
Maybe you have not found a sense of purpose, which is why you want to end things. God didn't put u here for no reason and that vessel that u want to toss, it wasn't easy to make! There are so many people suffering in this world, why be one of them when u can make it your purpose to be of assistance??? What a waste it will be to have existed for only a second! Your lesson may be to build thick skin to get through life and be of assistance to others like you. If you should pass, just remember that u will be back to redo exactly what you are running away from. So, i suggest trying regression hypnotherapy and or meditation to get your stuff together now instead of looking for any easy way out.
Never let him win.