Good Evening

I have my family here....Back from treatment. My wife and kids....Young kids. After two months away and a three year barrage from the constant torment of my Eating Disorder I am not quite sure what to think. It is like coming back from a combat zone. When I was here before, I wasn't here, now I am here, but I am here half way. Now I am here more, but my mind is elsewhere, I am in recovery, I am not recovered. I am thinking about food, not constantly, but simply that I do not wish to have it. I am apathetic about the intake of food. The desire to excercise is overwhelming. It is on my mind 24/7. I have been dropping weight. I don't have to weigh myself to know that I am on my current plan.
Perhaps as time goes by I will become more at ease at home and my concerns will dissipate with time.

how does your family feel about your ED? do they support you in your recovery?

keep fighting, john!

My kids are really to young to understand, although they witnessed the oddities every day of their young lives. My wife is trying and trying very hard, but there is only so much she can understand. I have to help her understand as much as possible. I know that. It is sad, to say, but that fundamental, core weakness is hard to share with anyone…Even her… I suppose that is why we isolate…

Are your children old enough to understand?

No…But they were old enough to be affected by my odd behaviors…Hoarding… Bulemia…Or not seeing me eat for long periods of time…Never having dinner together. Or maybe a comment about something being fatty, or greasy. Hopefully, at 5 and 7 those are memories that will soon fade…

I have had all those same feelings after treatment as well and similiar thoughts. Its still can be a battle after treatment as well. I assume you have follow up treatment?
I commend you for going and for sharing.

I also think in you coming here and sharing the feelings you have now is a way to put it out there and in a sense protecting yourself . I used to share my thoughts here when I wasn't sure I was keeping myself in a safe place was a way to get my true feelings out and get feedback from others and it prevented me from acting on any thoughts (Voices)that were still lingering in my head.

Our spouses can't really fully understand ..but I am sure your wife will be as understanding and supportive as she can.
Your kids may be young enough they don't need to know.
The important thing is that you completed treatment that in itself can be tough.

Be proud of your achievements and keep sharing here when you feel you need it.


john, i know what it's like to see your loved one try so hard yet not being able to truely make them understand. so in the end both parties still have to draw back a little at least and protect themselves. that's certainly what my hubby and me do/did.

have you spoken to her since you got home about how she could now help/support you in your recovery?


Yes… We spoke… There are some oddities… I went over my recovery plan with her…We spoke, but there is something strange there… After my three year torment, it is like I have been in a combat zone, somewhere far away, and suddenly come back home. It is strange and different. I still need to concentrate on recovery, and I need to get reacquainted with my wife and kids. I was there for them in every way before, just not so much emotionally, now I want to be, I feel like I don’t know how. I almost feel like…Who are these people…??

Are you doing any kind of couples therapy? I know for me when I returned home after being in treatment for 123 days that my spouse couldn't relate to me any longer. He wanted to be there for me but I didn't feel safe opening up and sharing like I did with the people I was in treatment with. It takes little step at a time. Hopefully your wife is wanting to have a meaningful relationship with you and she will be open to listening to you talk and share your struggles. Do you have an individaul therapist as well? That really helped me to have someone to feel safe with outside the home until I could figure out who the "new" me was. I'm sure it's just as hard for you wife to know who this new person is as well. She's probably on pins and needles trying to figure out what she can and can't say or do around you as well.

Keep reaching out!! You can make it through this! And when you're on the other side you'll see just how much it is all worth the effort. Your kids, eventhough they don't totally understand, know that something is going on and will respect you for getting the help you need when they're as young as they are. My kids were much older and knew there was something horribly wrong but felt helpless to do anything about it.

Keep strong!! You are so worth recovery!!

im sure you and you wife are on the right track. she sounds really supportive and understanding.
maybe really make clear to her that if she has any questions at all to ask them and as well that you may have to ask some strange favors of her re the food or anything.
additionally, you could ask if at some point she may wanna join one/some of your therapy sessions just to keep clarifying things if need be.

i really think you're doing amazingly well, lbm, it shows in all of your posts! keep fighting!