Good news

Hello my support friends!!!

So, I went to my doctor on Friday. Was scared beyond belief, but made it through. First of all I was weighed - of course - I was down again from my last weigh about a month ago. Here's the kicker - my doctor said that my weight, for my height, was okay but I shouldn't loose any more.
I had to tell her about my history of ED and my hospital treatments etc... She is concerned but because my weight isn't too low yet she is not overly concerned. She did say that a local hospital now has an outpatient type program and she is going to refer me to it. I should hear from her sometime this week.
All I did was talk with my doctor about my eating habits and what I like to eat and don't etc.. She did no blood work which kinda shocked me but maybe she figures if I go to the hospital they will do that sort of thing there. I do have to go back to see her in a month. She also thinks that I should probably get in to see my therapist more often.
I feel a little relieved. One that I told my doctor. Two, that I maybe getting some more support through this hospital program. Unfortunately, there is a big part of me that is also freaking out. I mean this is it - I have to take this super serious now and start to eat more etc... I don't know if I can do this. I am sooooooo scared of gaining weight. I would like to loose a little more but, if that doesn't happen I can live with it. I just cannot gain. Why, why, why????!!!! I want the help. I want to get rid of this ED and yet the thought of doing the things needed scares the crap out of me and I second guess all this???????
So, I will keep you posted friends. Thank you, as always, for being out there.

Love and hugs
Shana

shana,

it is good you are trying to get the help. the good news is your doctor is very supportive of you getting/staying healthy. a outpatient program could certainly help you. it can with most of us still struggling.

Scarlette

I'm so happy for you shanna <3

hmmmm not happy at what your doctor told you about---the fact she wasnt overly concerned of your ED cause your wieght wasnt that low. that is such BS! you can still be a healthy weigh tand have ED! doctors are such idiots when it comes to that one! you do not have to be a super duper low weight to have a serious ED! ughhhhh! it sounds like this doctor was a tad dismissive..hmmmmm have you thoguht of seeing another one? maybe one who is a tad smarter...and knows EDs. this one, well, just didnt sounds so compassionate to me..but im happy she is refferring you to inpatient --that is good!!!!

doctors needs serious help with their ignorance of ED --it is just disguistingly dumb!!!!

love
maureen

Don't be scared, we're all here for you and we're going to always be here for you. I'm really happy you talked to your doctor about it. That's such an important step. I remember one time I had to get weighed by my doctor and this was when I was really dark into the depths of ED and my doctor weighed me with all my clothes on and shoot his head a bit but decided I was okay. I was relieved at that so I'm really happy that you're relieved that she's actually going to help you. I remember when I finally started reaching out for help I really had to ease into it. It's okay, it a process. Everything is about baby steps. You're on the right track and that's what matters the most.

Really happy for you.
Dani

Question, do you have to pay for these OP programs? If so, how much do they cost, is it cheaper with insurance?

hey shana, good to hear from you an with such great news.

although i totally agree with maureen about the weigth/ED/concerned thing. that's doctors for you, isn't it?!

i completely understand your worries. yeah, when there is an option of treatment, that means you gotta commit. commit to something you don't know the details about, you don't know the progress nor the outcome. something that is totally strange and the is NOT ED. it's something that is actually trying to get rid of your yearlong 'companion', the only thing you know and that you're used to. hey, that is dead scary! and of course ED tells you all those bad things about IP or OP, it mainly tells you'll be 'fat' again.

look at all the posts dealing with possible OP/IP. we all have the same fear of gaining weight, fear of losing control.

something should occur to all of us though: THE ONLY ARGUMENTS AGAINST TREATMENT/RECOVERY COME FROM ED!!!!!!! there is nothing logical to say against therapy, nothing at all!

nevertheless, it's completely normal to second guess this, shana. i'm hoping to receive IP but i'm dead scared and i start crying just thinking about it. we have to remember that whereas it will be hard (it's not a spa holiday) it will be good for us in the long run. we will be losing one thing there (ED) but we'll be gaining ourselves and our life back!

love
maedi

I am glad your doctor was understanding. You are really lucky to have a understanding nonpushing doctor. I am so impressed you took that first step of telling the doc and willing to go to the outpatient program. Dont rush the eating more asap...Just focus on doing the best you can day by day to be better to your body and be healthy. Small progress is better then rushing it and overly freaking out.
your very lucky to have a outpatient program near by as well.

Thank you soooooo much ladies :)

Yesterday I tried to implement some more food into my lunch. My husband usually packs my lunch for me in the morning (I know he's a keeper!!!;) )Anyway, he put sooooo much in my bag. When I opened it I had an inner panic attack. Of course I am in a room with 4 guys and try not to show any concern but inside I was freaking :(.

Unfortunately it scared me so much that I ended up throwing out half of my salad. SALAD - with no dressing. What am I doing???!!!! I can't believe how much I still get freaked out. Then I go home and my husband has pasta for dinner. Again I freak out and of course can't show concern because I have 3 children sitting around me and a very concerned husband. I ate and felt soooo guilty. I HATE ED!!!!! Yet, I can't seem to live without him. This is going to be soooo hard.

Thank you my support friends for being here and giving me the encouragement I need to continue the struggle. Lets hope today I do better at lunch. I still haven't heard from my doctor about the program at the hospital yet either. So here is hoping it all falls into place.

Love and hugs to everyone
Shana

I’m rooting for you!

Sorry you aren’t able to express your emotions more when you’re in the midst of freaking out, but it sounds like your concerned husband and three kids are actually a pretty good influence on you–at least you, ate, right? Even if you did feel awful afterwards…

Vero

I give you a lot of credit. I hope that you're open and talking to your husband about the way that you're feeling though. Did you tell him that your lunch freaked you out and that it was very difficult for you to eat the pasta? Maybe telling him could really help. I know I always feel better after talking about things.

love&light
Dani

Shanna where you going for treatment? I got into T.O. General....