Good so I just got out of prison and while I was in prison I had a roommate only one Bunkie and we spent five months together we developed a really strong friendship a strong bond, and anyways I really got some strong feelings for her now I'm out of prison and she still in there she has about a year to go I've been putting money on her books writing to her she writes me back and if she calls me her wife then I'm assuming that we're together.
My dad knows I'm bisexual but he doesn't condone me being with a woman now I know he won't disown me or anything but lately I've been on this obsession wanting a man to love me and this and that and I really don't know how this is going to turn out when she gets out we've never been together sexually or anything else and I feel like I'm busy looking for something that I don't need to look for it cuz I have her but at the same time I don't know how is going to be when she gets out because we haven't even started anything. She was very adamant about no prison relationship so I respected that and when I got out I kept my word and I wrote her and she's been faithful writing to me I don't know what I'm doing I don't know if I should just calm down and just let things stop with a man or what I don't know
Hi, congratulations on having recently gotten out of prison, and for having developed a loving and healthy relationship while you were there. I'm no expert on this at all, so I'll just give you my ignorant best opinion! I'm wondering if your situation is extra complicated because you haven't had sex for a long time, and judging from your photo you're young, so it's normal and healthy to long for sex. And now that you're out, you're surrounded by attractive young men and women who are willing to have sex. Meanwhile she won't be out for a year, and you're wondering if you can bear to stay celibate for that long, especially since you don't even know if it's going to work out with her. Have I described the situation accurately?
@L2015 I have HIV,ALSO IM 40 years old that pic is like 5 years old anyway it’s hard to find a man these days omg I’m on ALL the hiv websites n stuff…SHE is negative and she’s aware of my situation. I’m worried I won’t be enough for her…FURTHERMORE she has a bf of 3 years that cant stay away from the lifestyle. I want a good life, and I have strong feelings for her. I hope that this isn’t a temporary fix for her because of the man she has cant stay away from drugs. I feel scared that ultimately enough this will end because I dont want to share her with anyone.
It sounds like you are honest and clear with people around what you want - a stable loving relationship. Plus you are honest about your HIV. She sounds like a lovely and loving person. But, she has this boyfriend! Would it be OK if I asked you a few questions about where she stands in all of this? Is she serious about him? Is she committed to him? She calls you her "wife" - do you know what exactly she means by that? Is it just an affectionate term, or does it mean she feels a lifetime 1:1 commitment to you, or what? Does she know how serious you are about her? Has she asked you to wait for her? Has she promised she'll give a romantic relationship with you a try when she gets out? Has she asked you to not sleep with other people during the year of waiting? Etc.
@L2015I personally think after speaking with a therapist that her and I have to have a serious conversation when she gets out. At first, I was on board with the boyfriend situation but now after time has gone by I have decided that I’m not with that at all but this girl just can’t ride off a 3 year relationship because she met me in prison. She writes me and tells me that she will tell him in person after I meet him. Well, what if I’m already jealous and DONT want to meet him???
I agree with you and your therapist! that you'll have to have a serious conversation when she gets out (if not sooner). I would be jealous too, if I were in your place. Best of luck; I hope everything will work out well for you.
@L2015 well I finally wrote to her and told her that we should just be friends that I couldn’t share her with anybody and that it was much more important for us to be friends than anything else. I’m very pleased with my decision because I know that I am a beautiful person a strong woman and I am trying to be a better person. It’s very hard in this life of addiction I’ve been clean almost a year I’m trying to figure out what I want for my life and I don’t know what that is yet I’m very scared that I won’t succeed in life now that I’m 40 years old starting over at 40 years old.
With no kids and that’s okay too I guess I wasn’t meant for babies. How can I take care of an innocent child when I can barely take care of myself but anyways thank you so much for all your support hope to hear from you soon.
Wow, that sounds like such a healthy solution! I'm really impressed with your clarity and sanity. I agree, having a dependable close friend is more valuable than having a high-drama romance with someone who has a boyfriend/may not work out/doesn't know if she is still committed to her BF, etc.
Congratulations also on being clean for almost a year. And I can appreciate your apprehension about starting a new life and not knowing quite what type of new life you want. I'm glad you don't have any kids - and are glad about it - so many people think they want kids when they really aren't mature enough to give their kids a decent life. I'm that way - I never had kids because I was sure if I had them, they would just have a life of suffering because I didn't know how to be a good enough mother. Also, I identify with you on starting a new life in middle age. My life never got together - fell apart when I was 30, and I spent 35 years trying to pick up the pieces and getting stable enough to figure out what I want the last 1/3 of my life to look like. So, my best wishes to you.
@L2015 thank you so much…God bless you.