Goodbye

goodbye everyone. i love you.

HUN,
NO, PLEASE DONT KILL YOURSELF. YOU ARE DOING GREAT. I KNOW THE URGES CAN BE UNBEARABLE SOMETIMES AND YOU MAY FEEL THAT COMMITTING SUICIDE WILL BE THE ANSWER. AND IVE FELT THE SAME WAY SOMETIMES. BUT, THE URGE DOES GO AWAY. MAYBE TRY DRINKING SOME TEA, OR SOME HOT MILK, SHOWER, LISTEN TO A CALMING SONG ON YOUR IPOD. I KNOW THE PAIN CAN BE REALLY BAD SOMETIMES. I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUVE BEEN THROUGH. BUT, IM HERE TO HELP YOU THROUGH THIS HARD TIME FOR YOU. PLEASE DONT KILL YOURSELF. IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO YOU CAN REALLY TRUST, CALL THEM OR GO SEE THEM. PLEASE TELL HIM/HER WHATS GOING ON WITH YOU AND THEY WILL HELP YOU. IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYONE, KEEP WRITING. IM HERE FOR YOU.

TAKE CARE AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN SOON,

SASHAVL1992

i'm sorry, i'm done. i don't want to live....

I've thought about it many times but then I keep coming back to how it would affect those around me. Spiritually it would create pain for not only your immediate family but for generations to come. I personally believe that we get to experience our consequences by living the lives of the ones we've affected.

i'd advise telling someone close, calling a support line, going to the hospital. use your strength and stand up for yourself.

i battle the same thoughts each and everyday but i now see how i've positively changed the lives of people around me because of my unique experience. suicidal thoughts aren't the be all and end all of who you are. you're strength is in where you've come and what you've done despite your thoughts. it will get better. just make it through the hour, then the night, then the day, then a couple days, a week, etc. avoid giving up.

it's been three years. really 13 years but 3 years of hard suffering. it will never get better.

i'm so scared...i don't know what to do

stick around because tomorrows gonna be a beautiful day!! I can feel IT!!!

no need to be scared...

the pain will go away...

"For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near."

there was a time when i slept 16 or more hours a day and the doctor kept telling me to get up, sleep less, and go back to work. the medication i was on slowed me down so much that i couldn't have a conversation. i dealt with seeing my brain slip away from me, the fear that i wouldn't get better, the fear that i would hurt my family, the fear of falling asleep and waking up manic and hurting someone, and the pain of knowing that my kids might one day have to go through the same thing.

i was in the process of having my medication changed and i was permitted to leave the group home where i was staying while the medication was being adjusted because i had agreed months before that i would photograph a wedding. the wedding party met on the 12th or so floor of an expensive hotel and i remember looking down and thinking if i ran i could probably be courageousness enough to actually do it. i couldn't think about the impact of what it would do to my wife, my family, and the couple that was about to get married.

that was 3 or so years ago and pretty much every few days i think about it. i have enough evidence now that i think my medication is amplifying the thoughts. my doctor is a selfish chicken **** and only cares about releasing me from his care so it looks good on a report...i don't think he actually is interested in helping me.

so... with the support of my wife, who needs to see that i take my medication i've decided to get a referral to see another doctor. that is bringing me a bit of hope.

the positive news is that i have more compassion now for people going through the same thing and isn't of judging people that act out i now see that they are actually in pain and in the need of help. this is the gift of the last 4 years.

i now spend more quality time with my family and all the positive self help thinking i've learned i get to teach my children and others around me...mostly unconsciously. i've grown.

you have grown too and you are in the process of growing. what is happening to you right now will one day be strength for someone else. if you change your perception the suicidal thoughts may not go away but the pain will lessen and lessen, and lessen. one day you WILL look back at this and be thankful to yourself and God for not giving up.

find the good in it. be ok with feeling like **** but constantly tell yourself that you're stronger than your current thoughts and instead of fearing what you think challenge your thoughts about who you are and how you impact others.

you see... i would not be telling my story right now (and this helps me) if it wasn't for you telling yours. this is another gift in perception that is available if you start to find the good in everything. God and the Universe will answer your call.

i have to get some sleep. please keep me informed about how you are doing.

(((((((hopelessgirl))))))) i am here for you and so are many others. We care and it will get better; sometimes it takes a long time; but the joy at the other end of the pain is worth it. I know how hard that is to believe, and when I was where you are, I did not believe it! That is why I say this - I was there and I wanted to die every waking hour. Hopelessgirl, today I love my life and the excitement that the future holds. I pray you do not give up. You have to make that choice, hon. No one can make it for you, but we care and are here to support you through every step you take if you choose life! God bless you. (((((((hopelessgirl))))))) I am choosing to believe that there is great hope for you because it is true! I continue to pray... and I care deeply!

bapearl

suicidal thoughts arent fleeting for me...ive had them every day for years, i acted on 13 of them. i can't do it. i'm making plans up in my head :/

Hun,

Trust me, things will get better for you. I used to be in a very dark place too but, Im not having those urges anymore. Talk to someone you trust, or write on here. We all care about you. I hope you will decide to fight this.

Sasha

How are you feeling today? you need to change your name... you are not hopeless... you came here with hope... you help to give people on here hope... they obviously love you... there is always hope.

i tried to kill myself last night.

I don't know what to say to that... to be honest I find myself frustrated, you needed to ask for help... you came to this support group for help, so ask for help and take it! do not throw away a perfectly good human being. Your perceptions of yourself are not accurate. You are NOT disposable. You are a perfectly wonderful human being and will not believe it. Fight for yourself woman! pull yourself up and ask someone to help you do it! We love you, now give yourself some **** love too, please go get some help.
I say this with compassion and hope... and with the knowledge that YOU are not a mistake... you have a purpose.

hi hopelessgirl,

I care about you, and many people on this site do. I used to be where you are, and I know and understand the pain. I also do not want to sound harsh, but I do want to share with you that I did not start to feel any better until I made a choice to stop focusing on death and made a choice to choose life, even though I did not know what that looked like and I did not know how to live. However once I had chosen to walk out a path that was a living path, people could speak into that and help me. No one could speak into and help me to die; as long as I chose to stay there, i was miserable and alone. My prayer is that you do not choose to stay where you are. You do not deserve misery and no one wants it for you. Focusing on how to die will not bring you happiness, but there is happiness for you if you will reach out and ask for help in how to live. God bless you, hopelessgirl. And I also do not bleieve you are hopeless either. There is much hope for you if you will choose life as your focus!

With love, hope, hugs, and prayers for you,

bapearl

First thing you need to do is change that name... how can you get better if that is how you identify yourself?

oh baby girl i have been there.. last yr on my 18th anniversary i tried to drown myself by the time they rescued me i was half dead. low o2 and low bp, after my mom slapped me and my husband distanced himself from me i came to the conclusion it is not about me it is about my family and friends.. my husband was upset and wanted a divorce but he was scared that i was gone and we all work together now i have a very strong support team now.. it is not worth going there.. no obstacle is too big to handle.. pick your battled and let the rest just go away.. reach out i mean really reach out lets us or someone close to you to be there. please remain strong and tell the devil to take a hike and let God help you through this he has not left your side just let him in..i will say a prayer for you.............hang in there.. lots of love

Agree - you need to find the will. I'm sure this support group has a ton of wisdom. Perhaps instead of commenting on death focus on life and ask for help.

Please, please listen to me. You are a beautiful, special person. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and you can have a beautiful, meaningful life. After I lost my parents, I thought my life was over. I wanted to go with them. It took me four years to even begin to get over it. This has not been easy. I have all kinds of health problems to deal with from not eating. I am now anorexic, but I have decided I am here for as long as God wants me to be. I have been through so much that I haven't even mentioned here. With going through so much, it makes me want to reach out to other people that are suffering. I am making it my passion to help people. I want so much to help you. You need to get involved in activities to keep you busy. Do you have any close friends to talk to? They could be a big help to you, if you could open up to them. I had a hard time talking to people about my problems. It was forever before I would join this support group. See you are doing better than I did. That is a great first step. I'll keep praying for you and I'll be thinking of things to help you. Please don't hurt yourself. There is so much in life that you would miss. God loves you and so do I! Message me anytime. I'll keep checking for your comments. I'm so proud of you for reaching out to other people!!!