Hello,
When I was 12 years old, I was sent to a hospital in Spokane, WA for psych. help. I had recently attempted suicide and I needed help. I had a room mate who had anorexia. She was about to get tubed fed when she killed herself. That was a horrible thing for me to see. The doctor at the hospital didnt want any of the patients to tell their families. I guess it was my friend who had died, her families wishes. I just told my mom when I was in long-term treatment in Tacoma in 2008. The therapist I had there told me he would check into this suicide but, he never did. Nooone has ever been able to check into this and that really bothers me.
When I was 15, I was at a residential treatment center in Seattle/Queen Anne and my best friend Ashlie passed away by suicide too. She was 15 and she was really upset with the way the staff treated her and her family. For example, while the other kids went home on pass for their birthday, she was forced to visit with her family under staff supervision and there was no need for that. That was only one example of how horrible the staff treated this young girl.
Ive been really down about these friends I have lost. I have a mental disorder and I worry when I go back to the hospital that I may have to lose someone else. Im now an adult but, I still worry. I have PTSD due to having to witness these two suicides and I dont think I will ever get over this.
The mental health system I have been a part of was punishing the kids when they would cry. The staff would strip our rooms among other things if we got too "emotional" and so, I have taught myself not to cry. My family is totally OK with crying. But, after being a part of the system for over 4 years, I dont think I will ever be able to cry like I used to be able to.
Has anyone gone through this sort of thing or have known anyone who has? How have they started to move on? Do the nightmares ever stop? Any help will be accepted. Thanks.
Do not be afraid of anything or anybody, always ask God for help and he will be there for you. Sometimes, we should let go of the reason or how it happened . When you think about the girls, say a prayer for them. Life is a beautiful gift, if you look at the animals, flowers, birds, they all are different and unique like we are, only one of you in this whole world. It is amazing and wonderful. Be strong and happy. God bless you always.
Sasha, I'm sorry for your pain and losing your friends. I would never wish on anyone to have to be in a mental hospital. You have been through a lot. I am praying for you. Life is worth living. Your friends are gone and I'm sorry for your loss. They made bad choices because life is worth living Sasha. But the best way you can honor them is by being strong and moving on now to brighter days I hope. You are a worthwhile human being and have a lot to offer. God gave us all gifts. Hope you feel better.
welcome hon and u have had some fantastic responses as a child we tend to have a distorted view of what happens and we carry that view with us into adult hood where we can understand better what happened but cant shrug off the childhood view on things
those friends are always gona be with u hon and saying a prayer or mayb planting a rose bush in memory of them is gona be a lasting tribute but u are going to have a full and happy life and that is the best thing u can give anyone
be kind to the little girl who knew those friends and give them the blessing of the adult u now are and go live that life thats waiting for u
knowing that they are at peace and wanting u to suceed at all u do
Thank you all for your support. When I was at residential treatment, the place I was moved to after my 15 year old friend died, my therapist planted a tree for her and the tree wasnt even alive when he planted it. Then the maintenance mowed up the "tree". I was very hurt. I plan to write an "essay" about the stigma that there is in mental health placements both adult and childrens. I do get money for it and I plan to use the money to place a bench for my friends and have a memorial service, a real one for both of them.
Im sorry if I sound confused. I have kidney stones and my appendix is hurting. Im on pain meds and Im on antibiotics. I was in the ER for 9 hours and then came home. The outpatient doc will keep an eye on the appendix. But, the meds make me tired.
Im also living with the grief a lot lately. But, the sun is shining and when the sun shines, its my friends shining their love down on me. That keeps me going.