Guess what?

i really screwed up with a lot of people - i have been going thru what i think is an early mid-life crisis and embarrased myself time and time again. facebook didnt help at all and another help site i was on didnt help either. all i got was jealous and upset. at one point i was so upset with one person that i deleted a bunch of people that i really didnt bother with or whom i was jealous of then requested to be their friend again later after deleting my account and then coming back. they ALL must think i am a nut case! after all these years of trying to change my image and better myself i am still a loser and a dork and a weirdo. nothing ever changes - i will always always always be a stupid weird loser in everyone's eyes! i tried changing it but cant. nothing will help - even if i do change people see me for what they saw before. it doesnt matter - you can hide the spots on the leopard but he never changes them! i screwed up my whole life from day one. just waiting to die really.....i have no hope for myself at all - i will always be disappointed and embarras myself and do stupid **** and everyone will just laugh at me in their heads if they dont shake their heads at me. i gained so much weight after losing it all from my pregnancies. i cant even look at another thin woman without getting tears in my eyes knowing that i used to be like that but am so miserable that it will take a long long time to do it if i ever do. not sure why i should bother - its like not its going to change anything for me - people will still not like me and still know i am a loser and a dork. all i can do really is just live. every day will just be another day until the day i fuckin die.

Hi Sweetjane, first and foremost it's important to get to a place of loving yourself, as that's what matters most. Then, you can work on other relationships. I am sure that people don't look at your negatively, this could be something that you are creating in your mind. I've been there before, when I think and over-think it only gets worse. So, I took a big step back and started working on loving myself. Also, if you are going to lose weight, do it for yourself, do it to make yourself feel better. You can get back on track and get to a good place. What are some things that make you happy; do you have activities and/or hobbies?