Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well.
I realized I have guilt issues. I mean yea, I always knew that I feel guilty after I eat certain things and have been improving... But there's another kind of guilt I didn't see coming. Now, when I don't feel guilty about what I ate I feel guilty for feeling OK. For just being ok with what I ate. How can I get rid of this feeling? Is it possible? Has anyone else gone through this?
Insights appreciated!
Thanks all :)
TJ
TJ...I hear you! I understand the feelings of guilt for many things..and for finally feeling good, or not having problems. It doesn't feel OK to not suffer...kind of like that? I went through that, not knowing how to react if I wasn't suffering or causing myself pain in some way. What helped me was to keep telling myself that I deserved to feel good, to feed myself, and to NOT feel pain all the time. I had to affirm myself, and accept the affirmations that others offered to me. At first it feels very strange, but it's true! You DO deserve to feel good and to NOT be sick and in pain all the time. Think about what you would want for others, and allow that for yourself!
Wishing you the best, because you deserve it!!
Jan ♥
Thanks Jan, it feels a bit reassuring that someone else feels the same. Sometimes I feel bad for feeling good and it's a weird kinda feeling because I know it isn't rational but I'm afraid when someone says I'm making progress it means I look fat or will be soon... I just don't know how to shake that thought off!
i know what you mean. When people say.."you look so much healthier now" or things like that...it really sucks. It's like sometimes i don't know who i am when i'm happy because i've been so not okay for so long. Being happy doesn't feel like me. after i got out of treatment it was like a major identity crisis. Do you feel like that sometimes? i also feel guilty about being okay. It's a hard thing. Just know that you dererve to be happy. Life wasn't meant to be spent miserable. I hope you can get through this feeling. Just know that there is someone else who understands.
Thanks Rebekah, I appreciate what you said. I think deep down I've always had an identity crisis in that as much as I wanted to say and believe that I know myself so well- I could never describe myself to others!
The whole feeling guilty because I don't feel guilty really does suck! You are not alone. Food is so hard to deal with...especially because we do HAVE to eat everyday. It's not something we can just walk away from. So hard to regulate that and not feel guilty when we don't need to.
I think I have a fear that when I feel good, I won't matter to people or I will become invisible...like they will think that now that I am feeling better I won't need help anymore. And when I "don't need help anymore" no one will care and then I will be all alone again. It's like I have to be in pain for someone to notice. But even when I am in pain, I don't let anyone know??? Why do I have to be SO CONFUSING!!!
Guilt comes along with your ED...but its not guilt YOUR feeling...your ED is making you THINK its guilt...hang in there <3
hey Taylor,
coincidence that you just posted this. i was wondering only minutes ago what would happen if my ED was gone, if i didn't feel i had to cut, if i actually felt good and happy for once. the answer was: i'm not allowed, i don't deserve it. and: i wouldn't be able to handle it. i only know how to be miserable.
and again that's your ED talking. it tries to hit you in every way possible. if it can't attack you about food, it'll be about something else, as long as it can keep a hold on you. but i tell you what, i'm sure it's getting scared cause you're beating back!!
keep it going, Taylor, there is no reason for you to feel guilty, it's only what ED is trying to tell you!
stay strong
maedi