Guys there's definitely something wrong with me. last night

Guys there's definitely something wrong with me. last night I apologize to my ex for overreacting when he told me the truth. but I was just in my feelings about the past even though I have a right to be angry. But I apologized and then he replied and said something and last night it had woke me up and it kind of made me angry that I was woken up but also at the same time I was angry because I felt like his response totally disregarded everything that I said. So I was kind of upset and kept it real brief in my respond by saying that I was sorry for what I said and then I told him to go read the rest of the situation if he wasn't sure what I was referring to. My former partner has a tendency to not want to read everything that I write because I write so much and I can't help that because I feel like I have to in order for him to understand. I hate small vague messages. but like I said this time in my response after I was woken up I kept it real quick and I just told him to go back to the message I sent him if he wasn't sure what I was talking about. So that I didn't have to repeat myself and then I quickly said goodnight because like I said I was kind of irritated that I was woken up.

And the reason why I think I have an issue is because I was expecting him to be hostile but I reread his message in response to my response a couple of times and I'm not sure how to feel. Because I don't think he was being hostile but my mind wants to turn it into a hostility. I'm so used to arguing with him that it caught me off guard. so then I had to like tell myself to just not even reply to what he said because I didn't want to start an argument.

It makes me depressed a little bit that that's how my mind is trying to react. And now I wonder if that's what happened during a lot of our conversations. I mean I know that I had the right to react certain ways when I was upset and at the same time I didn't have the right to act a certain way, in an uncivil way, but maybe I overreacted in some situations which caused us to end up arguing more than we should.

I'm just doing a lot of self reflecting.

Since I have read some of your previous posts, I would say that he is emotionally abusive, emotionally insensitive, narcissistic, manipulative. And that you are occasionally over-reactive and take offense. But I'd give him credit for 95% of the hurtful behavior in the relationship. So while there is some small room for you to improve, there is a giant whale of cruelty in his basic personality.

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@L2015 thank you for your comment. And it’s nice to have someone who has kept up on my situation even just a little.

I would love to improve. I’m just not always sure it’s working. I want to be strong where I can face people like him and not bat an eye, ya know? But I don’t know if that’s possible…