Had such a positive seemingly NO b-p day until i ruined it for no reason

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
1

iºm so annoyed with myself. i was really hoping to add ANOTHER day to my no b-p days. i made it through breakfast and even a lunch with a colleague today with no problem. didnºt over eat and even had part of a small ice cream at lunch and had NO GUILT AND NO DESIRE TO BP.

then........ i got invited to a company BBQ. i knew this would be very difficult being around all that food ... but it turns out i ate NORMALLY and didnºt even get close to overstuffing. most likely bc everyone was eating normal to small portions.

so what do i do when i get back to my hotel room... i turn immediately towards the restaurant .. .go through the ENTIRE buffet.. and then even eat a few more snacks in my room prior to vomitting it all up..

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? i didnºt even have ANY urges all day. its such a ridiculous routine iºve got where i suspect since i anticipated i would goof up... i went ahead and followed through with my binging..

>"(/&)!(/(/&!(=)$"$#"

i feel so stupid and like a wasted a good day which could have been a NO bp day.

oh well....

anyone have any insight on why i did this? i sure dont.

thanks in advance as always.

caroline

2

Do not look back, only forward. Even with ups and downs, never give up and keep going. Say a prayer and it will help you to go through difficult time and everything will come into place. God bless you.

3

I can't even count the number of times I've had days like that. My best guess is that you are so focused on being "good" and "normal" that it exhauses your mind and you subconciously feel deprived. Then the uncontrollable urges of ED break through, and there is just no stopping the beast....