Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!

1 Heart

Happy new year!

2 Hearts

@Kas1966 You too.

In 2018 we decided, or rather he decided that he wanted to move back home. I never wanted him to leave so I was thrilled to have him come back. We have since remarried and are proceeding on with life almost as if it never happened. I said almost because it seems that I am the only one who suffers residual effects of the infidelity. This is the first time I've actually put it out there and I'm quite nervous about it, so please bear. In June of 2016 he said he wanted a divorce and moved out ( we have been together since 2000). He said he was going to rent a room from a friend. About a week later I get a call asking me if I know he was walking down the street hand in hand with someone else. This person saw him almost daily on his way home from work with this same person walking her dog. I call him immediately and that's where I found out not only did he move in to her house but that he had been with her for some time prior to our official end. Not only did he confess to infidelity with her but to another affair that had gone on for the past 10 years. So, even though we were divorced and he was not living in our home I still wanted to reconcile. I was devastated. I wanted my forever happily ever after and I always wanted that with him. So, we continued having contact. He did tell me one day that he may end up falling in love with said person and it may not work for us. He wanted to be clear that he was not sure what he wanted but he needed the time and space to figure it out. He would come over periodically and we would have dates etc and then he would leave. We would talk on the phone and he would tell me things that have happened with the people he had affairs with like we were buddies. I don't know if he was doing that to make me want to not be with him or to test the strength of our new friendship. I will never understand how he could not realize the hurt it was causing me. I was upset all of the time. I could not eat. I cried almost constantly. I was in a terrible place. I did all I could to maintain on the outside. No one really knew what was going on with us. Most people only knew that we were separated. I kept everything so private. I didn't want to answer to anyone about the truth because I kept thinking if we get back together I don't want our friends and family to think poorly of him. After all the hurt and betrayal I still wanted to protect him. Anyway, in 2017 he decided he wanted to come back home. Of course I was more than willing to have him back. The first moth was fairly awkward even though we'd talked and spent plenty of time together during his time out of the home. I am at a point where I thought more of this would be behind me and not such an issue. However, I truly feel like I have post infidelity stress disorder. I have nightmares of things he did or told me. I have so many triggers. I have all of these unwanted thoughts or images and I'm not sure how to make this better. I've seen too many emails, pictures, letters (yes, via snooping) and he's told me more details than I needed to hear. When I asked for explanations he spared no detail. Or maybe there are things he hasn't been honest about. I just don't know. I just don't know what to do. I do love him nd our family. We just purchased a new home and for the most part are happy. I feel like he should be the one tormented by this not me and it's so infuriating. I know there are tons of little details missing and I probably rambled on a bit but if I go back and reread this I know I won't hit send. I guess I am just hoping to communicate with people who can relate and understand. I have friends and family but I am not comfortable talking about this with them.
Thanks for listening.

@okbutnotok ?

I'm guessing they thought they were typing that in the space to submit a new post and didn't realize they were replying to you.

@okbutnotok sorry to hear all of that and glad you have found some good people to support you.

1 Heart

Happy new year :)

1 Heart

@hal133 You too!