Has anyone had good results sending a cease and desist lette

Has anyone had good results sending a cease and desist letter to their ex narc? After 2 months of no conflict with the narc I stupidly dropped the restraining order I had. At first there were no problems. Now that he has found out I'm dating he is again harassing me.

My ex narc is already facing jail time for violating the restraining order twice in less than 6 months. He plead guilty to one charge and is on conditional probation for the second charge. He has been sentenced to anger management, domestic violence classes, and 20 hours of non medicated counseling and cannot get any new arrests or criminal charges before April 2016. If he gets in arrested or doesn't do his classes/therapy - he goes directly to jail for 18+ months. I thought the message was loud and clear but apparently a narc never changes even when faced with going to jail.

So, he's been harassing me via talkingparents.com, by phone, and by text message for the past 2 weeks. He implies threats like saying if I have men at my house he's going to call his lawyer and get physical custody. He accuses me of performing sexual activity in my home, in front our of 18 month old child. He implies that my sister (who lives with me) has a drinking problem and shouldn't be around our kid. Every other day he makes claims that his lawyer said this or said that. For example he tried to tell me his lawyer said I can't have house guests after 9pm and I would be arrested if I did. He's threatened to take custody, drag me back in to court to get the order changed, etc, etc. He's now cancelling visits with our child or showing up very late (over 2 hours late) and has been asking me to pick her up early. He calls me claiming it's about our child but then rants on and on about me having a boyfriend, and then hangs up on me. I've missed work twice in the past 2 weeks because he refused to watch our child even though it was previously agreed on. He calls and texts me while she is in his custody only to harass me and make disgusting sexual comments about what he's thinks I'm doing while I don't have our kid at home.

Last week when I was out on a date he called me 4 and a half hours early to see if I could pick up our child. He's had his dad sending me text messages as well that imply I'm a bad mom and his son will have no problem taking over physical custody.

The past 48 hours has been a constant barrage of text messages and emails, at all hours of the day and night from both him and his father. So I called the police. I was told if I want to file a criminal complaint I could, but a warrant would be issued for his arrest and he would go straight to jail and it's likely the judge will not let him out on bail because this will be his 3rd harassment charge in 12 months, and he's already on conditional probation. If that happens my child won't see her father for god knows how long and he will likely lose his job. Basically, if I have him arrested we all lose out... especially my child.

I was informed I could send a cease and desist letter as a final warning and file a criminal complaint if/when I'm ready. My question is, has anyone had success in doing this with a narc? In my situation do you think it will even make a difference? I did send the letter to him, and also to his lawyer. I have not been bothered by him since 2AM this morning, so just over 12 hours.

Naturally, I'm stressed out due to the situation at hand and I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to go off. Because I sent the letter this morning, should I wait to see if he continues to harass me or should I just go get a new restraining order and have him arrested?

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I would take legal action. You have evidence. Take that to the police, D.A., whoever

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OMG. That sounds awful! I really am sorry. Although the crazy ex doesn't bother me now I am concerned that if he learns I have a bf the harrasment will start. Im probably worried about nothing.... In my experience with crazy, legal orders are not worth the paper they Are printed on. If you mean action, you may have to pull the trigger and have him arrested so he knows you mean business. Good luck!

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So you left me curious. Has he always been this high conflict or did it begin after you began dating? Is he himself seeing someone? I'm trying to figure out why some stalk so much and others resurface every few months

He's always been like this. 2 and a half years of torture. 1 ex parte order, 2 restraining orders, he's been to jail because of this twice, and I'm threatening to send him back again. Doesn't seem to matter.

As far as I know, he's not dating only concerned that I'm seeing someone.

This is his pattern. Gets in trouble backs off but comes back with what feels like more negativity and more emotional stress.

I got a new job, he made it hard to work due to him showing up late or not at all to pick up our daughter. I start dating, he throws a fit. Typical narc crap.

Unfortunately it seems the only relief I'll find is when he's in jail for real this time.

@Rchl782 your ex sounds like the worst kind. I can’t imagine that the time he spends with your child is anything of quality. Is it possible for you to seek daycare so that you were not jeopardizing your job. This is not a person you will ever be able to count on except in the sense of him Tara rising and tormenting you. You more or less have to be concerned for yourself and your child and pretend he is not even in the picture because basically he isn’t

Oh wow! I am so sorry! I couldn't imagine. The most conflict I had was during divorce when I refused to bend to his will and he snapped. I was actually concerned he would try to hurt me. Now I get occasional messages (although he is not supposed to) but I ignore them. Mostly asking why I keep him from the children (which I don't). He likes to skew things to make himself pitiful but I just ignore. I figure if I must go to court, I can prove the kids were available for every pick up and he has chosen not to call. I don't have to respond to his lies.

@Almostfree it is so hard to ignore. For the last 2 months that’s exactly what I have done. But this last two weeks have escalated once again to the point of harassment. From false accusations to outright lies I feel my self getting sucked in to this stupid downward spiral of never ending petty arguments. However, this time he actually making threats (real or not) that make me think he’s gone off the deep end for real this time. I’m not in fear for my safety but the constant hostile messaging is emotionally draining and it makes me want to fight back. I’m just going to let him dig his hole as deep as he wants it, then I’m going to get a warrant and have him arrested.

I’m done feeling bad that my daughter won’t have her father. This isn’t her fault or mine, it’s his burden to bear and his price to pay. He thinks he invincible but it’s only a matter of time before the law catches up to him. And if I had to bet money on it, he’ll be in jail before the new year.

@Yellowrose10 I agree with you. Mine disregards court orders whenever he feels like it. Too expensive to keep fighting.

Awfully nice of you to think of his future even in the face of his current actions. It doesn't sound like that consideration is being returned

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@71Jake it speaks volumes of her character…

My advice having got out the other side of divorcing a narc when we have two kids. Fight hin every step of the way through the legal channels send him a warning for every time he sets a foot out of line to build your case, record everything, make sure the school know your situation even down to the fact that you're the one doing all homework and remembering kit etc and do no under any circumstances put a foot wrong yourself. So don't run him down to kids, make sure you're there at right dates and times, don't keep kids extra day, don't answer him back or argue especially in writing, push back if something he is doing is not in kids best interest and never show him any reaction other than a letter from your solicitor. You will win but you need to treat it as a cold emotionless business deal! Give him nothing to use against you ever! Stay strong you got this

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@19yearsnowfree yup. Exactly what my lawyer told me. She also told me not to respond to him unless it impacted the kids health/well-being she said it was her job lol. So whenever he texted me, I filtered anything important about kids 99.99% of the time it was a threat of some kind. Sometimes covert other times full on threats. I would send those to my lawyer. She would warn him about threatning and trying to blackmail me. It didn’t matter how much he tried, I never responded. I was always above reproach. He couldn’t have proven that I did anything but follow our Agreement in court.

If anyone wanted to know... it worked! No contact from the narc since I sent his lawyer the Cease and Desist Demand letter on the 22nd. We'll see how long it lasts.

I am so happy for you. I hope it lasts, and that you get peace. Congratulations!

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