Have any of you confronted the other woman during or after the affair?
2 Hearts
I talked to my husband's girls. They didn't know he was still married. Helped me a little knowing their side.
2 Hearts
I went to my wife's job and wanted to confront the OM but the chicken **** did not have the BALLS to come out and Face me!
2 Hearts
Yes I did. Have no regrets either.
3 Hearts
My wife called to my AP. After she was finished talking to them, she had this distorted outlook of my affairs. She thought that they meant more to me than I had let on. That wasn’t the case as (as horrible as this sounds now), they were only there for me to fill the void that I was missing from my marriage. When she found out, I cut all communication and moved on. Just be careful if you do decide to contact them as they may THINK their relationship with your SO was more than it really was.
I found out about the affair just right after they broke up, I confronted my husband and he denied it even when I had the phone records showing 1000 a some minutes a month of talking and 3000 text messages. He told me it was just a friendship. I was so frustrated because he denied it. He agreed to give me his phone and I checked every little thing he had in his phone, so I found notes he wrote for her, they were kind of letters, when started to read them I thought they were for me, I thought he was talking about me because every word was the same thing he told me when we were dating, until I got to the end and he said things that did not match, so I figured it out so I asked him and he couldn't denied it anymore. So that same day I called this girl, she did not answer so instead I texted her how I felt and not nice at all, I never say bad words but that time I could just write as many as I heard before. She never replied. I finally talked to her 2 or 3 days later but she didn't say anything ( I wanted to hear her side of the story). So I left her alone but a couple of months later I still wanted to talk to her in person I hated her so much for not telling me anything. Finally in April I met her, again she did not say that much, I asked her so many questions but no answers, she said she could not tell me anything. So finally I asked her to stay out of my life out of my husbands life, away from my family. She said yes. I told her I was sorry for every bad word I had for her, it wasn't me, it was the anger I had for her when I found out the affair. She felt so guilty and sad she made me feel that way and she said she was sorry she ended up having an affair with my husband, she said she assume we were not together but according to my husband she knew we were having problems ( no marriage is perfect) but my husband said he never told her were not together by then. So finally I told her I wished not the good not the bad for her only what she deserved and I did not wanted to hear from her and hoping I would never see her face again. That was the end of that confrontation.
1 Heart
@nena7 I don’t see a problem with that. Did you get any closure from talking to her?
I emailed my husbands lover, twice and I used bad words. She never replied. I guess better for her because I was in such anger that I would have said stuff that I would have regretted later.
1 Heart
I was nice to my husband's girls. He had ended with them, and I pretty much knew he had led to them so they were tricked to. They apologized to me lol, I apologized for my husband's behavior. So at least he didn't pick the "crazies" to get mixed up with.
1 Heart
I don't hate her as much as I used to. But now my husband and her are still talking just as friends they say. That makes me so mad because I understand they were friends before but they crossed the line so now I can't stand her specifically after I told her I wanted her to be out of my family's life. So I got so mad 2 weeks ago, so I asked her to meet somewhere because I really wanted to talk to her. She is only 18 and I don't think her parents know the whole story so I was that mad that I told her I was coming to her house to talk to her parents. She freaked out and called my husband and he got mad at me. So we had a big fight that day. Every time I say that they both freak out. That makes me think there is more than I don't know. So she is so scared of me. She told me if I go to her parents she will call the police on me. But her family its all about what people are going to think about then. So yes they don't want anybody to know that she had an affair with a married man. Anyway I ended up not going. Am I crazy?
1 Heart
@nena7 I think you are way too good person. I probably would have gone crazy by now. You are definitely better person than he is.
Exactly that's what I say, I told him I don't mind to have friends but really, her? The one he had an affair with? I guess he doesn't get it. The reason he still talking to is because he already told her once that he is going to stop talking to her for good, but my husband and I ended up having a big fight and I told him that it was too late and go find what makes him happy. A couple of weeks later we were fine again except that I found out they were talking again. So he doesn't want to hurt her feelings like that. He promised he will stop talking to her but slowly which I don't really care anymore. But yesterday they both happen to be in the same place ( work) my husband normally works at another location but they needed help so he came but we both knew she still works there. So I got mad the second he told he was going to that location knowing that maybe she would be there, so I got so mad and we had a fight. So I ended up dropping him at work. When we got there I saw her car, he told me if it makes me feel better he will send her home as soon as he gets there. At that point it didn't matter to me. But yes he did send her home a little later, not as soon but what's the difference. So I left the place but I decided to turn around and come to see her. I request to speak to her but she did not wanted to. My husband came out and asked me if I wanted to embarrassed him. But I said that all I wanted to do was say hi to her. She was shaking and terrified when she came out. My husband told me she was scared so I asked her if she was scared and she said no. For some reason she freaks out when I'm in front of her. I was laughing, so I told that I wanted to say and and that's it, have nice day kid. And I left. After I talked to her and what's she is still doing I do not regret anything. The look on her face was priceless.
I have thought about doing this. The OM for my wife was a 1 night thing on vacation in Mexico and 15 days of texting and calling. I think however, it would just make this guy believe that he was more important than he was to her and to me. He knew she was married, but then so did she. She made a bad choice and he took advantage of somebody in a bad place, both of those actions were wrong. So what am I going to say to this guy that would give me any satisfaction? I'm not going to travel to Michigan to beat him up or anything, he hasn't tried to contact her in any way. Quite frankly, I don't think she meant much to him at all with how easily he's accepted no contact. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I see no value in talking to this person, there is nothing I want to know from him, nor anything that I feel would help me heal.
That sounds like a good judgement call. Talking to him wouldn't get you anywhere. The only thing for me that helps is time. And over time im getting more of a sense of self worth, and anger, that im even considering staying together. Im not trying to steer you in any one direction. I think we justnhave to find that source of strength and co tol over our lives. Our spouses took something from us and it really upsets me that i can never get that back. They take our loyalty and flush it down the toilet.
1 Heart