Have i got a type of eating disorder i dont know about?

I used to suffere with bulima throughout school.. its been years since school.. and i got through my eating disorder (well i think i did anyways)

i just need to know if my diet is normal and if i may be harming myself in anyway.

i had builma from the age of 15 - 17. im not 20.

i dont eat breakfast... unless theres a chocolate bar hanging about... i dont get overally hungry in the day time... i just have bits of chocolate throughout the day unless im staying at a friends house i dont make a fuss.. if they make me food i will eat it.
i sometimes very rarely will see something i like for lunch like i will have cheese on toast of something easy to make.
when it comes to dinner i mainly pick at my food. ive always since primary school up till now have chucked my food away but kid the evidence its just a natrual thing i do. its normal to me? ..

at night i get food from the kitchen and bring it upstairs, useally chocolate, crisps, (junk food) i nibble of bits and chuck the rest in the bin.

i have been like this for as long as i can remember..

have i got an eating disorder? ... i compare this to what i went through with the bulima.. and i wouldnt call this an eating disorder but i just dont know... im really confused...

These are questions better asked of your doctor...if you are concerned of a relapse,which is common of someone who previously struggled with an ED, then I suggest seeing your doctor ASAP. For future refernce, you may get more responses if you post in the Eating disorders portion of the support groups ♥

I too have went on the same binges and know it's hard to know when you are doing the right thing or not. I struggle with eating myself, never eat breakfast, lunch when its forced upon me and dinner if I must. I have little ones so I try to stay healthy for them but it really is hard. Especially when you arent feeling particularly hungry and you just want that quick energy fix. I may not be able to help out as much as I would like to but i know that it is a difficult thing to manage and i will be here if you need that support. Keep posting so we know your progress and keep me informed if I can help discuss this further with you. Stay strong.

much love and light
soulkiss

Thanks hun, helps to no im not the only when confussed what is wroung and what is rite…
today wasnt to good… im starting to notice it more and more… :confused: some days im fine but thats useally just choclate bar or two throughout the day and pick at dinner. then when midnight comes i brings snacks in to my room.

tbh… i have been telling mysef ihave come so far from were i used to be with the builma … but it seems that maybe ive been lieing to myself…

I looked into different eating disorders online… theres something called • Night Eating Syndrome

People who suffer from night eating syndrome generally:
• Skip breakfast, and go several hours after waking before their first meal.
• Consume at least 25% of[10] their calories after dinner. (Many sources would list this as after 9 or 10 pm; dessert is generally not included, if one is eaten.)
o Late-night binges almost always consist of consuming carbohydrates. However, this eating is typically spread over several hours, which is not consistent with a typical eating binge as evidenced by other eating disorders. Episodes of sleep-eating can be repeated throughout the night, with many separate visits to the fridge or cupboard.
• Suffer from depression or anxiety, often in connection with their eating habits.[11]
o These night eating episodes typically bring guilt rather than hedonistic enjoyment.
• Have trouble sleeping in general; see insomnia.[12]
o Are more likely than the general public to sleepwalk.
To be considered a bona fide disorder, this pattern should continue for two months or more

SOME of it sounds similaur to me.
i never sleep at night, i wake up really late Miss breakfast, chocolate bar for lunch…
pick at dinner…
but stuff my face with chocolate at night??? … i meen i dont eat in my sleep lol or anything like tht and im not over weight…tbh Im … very under weight… :confused:

i dont think i cant seak professional help./… for the stupid reason i dont want to remind myself of how i used to be,
i dont no what the root of the problem is!! xxxxxx

karlamarie, welcome to the site!!
your eating habits are certainly not healthy and the fact that you used to suffer form bulimia makes it worthwhile consulting a doctor about this.
i wonder too what you actually feel when you eat or don't eat, what the reasons are behind the way you eat, are there certain foods you are scared of, etc. other than 'that's how it always was'.

let us know what you think of doing.

love
maedi

I looked into different eating disorders online… theres something called • Night Eating Syndrome

People who suffer from night eating syndrome generally:
• Skip breakfast, and go several hours after waking before their first meal.
• Consume at least 25% of[10] their calories after dinner. (Many sources would list this as after 9 or 10 pm; dessert is generally not included, if one is eaten.)
o Late-night binges almost always consist of consuming carbohydrates. However, this eating is typically spread over several hours, which is not consistent with a typical eating binge as evidenced by other eating disorders. Episodes of sleep-eating can be repeated throughout the night, with many separate visits to the fridge or cupboard.
• Suffer from depression or anxiety, often in connection with their eating habits.[11]
o These night eating episodes typically bring guilt rather than hedonistic enjoyment.
• Have trouble sleeping in general; see insomnia.[12]
o Are more likely than the general public to sleepwalk.
To be considered a bona fide disorder, this pattern should continue for two months or more

SOME of it sounds similaur to me.
i never sleep at night, i wake up really late Miss breakfast, chocolate bar for lunch…
pick at dinner…
but stuff my face with chocolate at night??? … i meen i dont eat in my sleep lol or anything like tht and im not over weight…tbh Im … very under weight… :confused:

i dont think i cant seak professional help./… for the stupid reason i dont want to remind myself of how i used to be,
i dont no what the root of the problem is!! xxxxxx

hey karla,
i have never heard of this type of ED before but it's very interesting, and sad too of course.

if you dont know what the root of your problems is, you need to find it. or you need to at least figure out what is causing you now to step back into these old behaviors.

do you think you really got past who you used to be? or could there still be some of it left anyway?

xxx

I have sufferd with depression, and looking back at what i have been through… is the one thing that makes me strong… cause i relaise how far i have come… but at the same time…
i dont no if i got the rite support with my eating disorder… this time round is very different … and i dont understand it…
i wont say it is an eating disorder, something in my head holds me bck from saying that.
ive awlays been messed up when it comes to food… i have a memorie of when i was 8 years old crying to mysef in fear of becoming fat…
ive always been tiny… Im size 4-6. and i am under weight… this i can face and i know…
someone told me im kiling myself?? dont u think thats a tad extreame?
xxx

I think maybe it kills a little part of the soul. This is something you cannot help, simple as that. I don't think you are consiencely saying to yourself that you are fat but just the that you cannot help this. You are doing so well in reaching out. A lot of people have a misconception of this illness and I hate that it becomes a sort of stigma. Sometimes your brain is triggered by different moments, events, memories not to mention the parts of the chemical makeup of your brain. Maybe secretly whether you realize it or not at this moment, you are aware of the root. I'm not claiming to have the answers but I really want to help you through this anyway I can. Please keep us updated on your progress. Just try to take it slow and small steps, say well maybe I'll eat this banana this morning instead of skipping a meal, just a first step is all you need to get started. Start journaling your behaviors and see if you notice a pattern, write how you feel that day and see your progression or downfalls. Let the moment be. Try to meditate on what your true intent for yourself is. Try a little bit at a time, take it slow so you don't get overwhelmed. Just try to take a few minutes out of your day for these few things could possibly do you a lot of good. Your already doing it by doing the research, take that knowledge with you and apply it to new ones.

with much Love and Light
Soulkiss

Thankyou so much, for taking your time to write all of that… it really helps!!.
i feel slightly nieve… just because ive been through an eating disorder before, and after i thought i was back to normal … but really i have replaced it with a eating disorder that doesnt look or seem as extream… but in the long run probally just as dangrous.

Throughout school i turned to self harm and making myself sick because i was bullied by a boy, I also felt extreamly diffent and alien like cause of my dyslexica and because i found it hard, teachers mistaked this as me being lazzy or a trouble maker.
i sufferd in silence with the bulima untill people found out… my mum my freinds and my friends went to my head mistress. i went to councerling but i lied when i went there after a few times pretending i had my life back on track i feel eating disorders can make you lie alot… it made me lie an awful lot.
i eventually stopped making myself sick because i could see i hated the person i was becoming… I went to college and i fell in love for the 1st time… he was my everything and i lent on him , i became close to his family. … as much as i loved him i was in a relationship that was making me ill near the end… we would argue and argue and he used to tell me things like im not rite in the head. he lived at uni at this point so he was far away from me. it got to the point are relationship got so bad somehow i ended up trying to kill myself… and ended up in hospital. this was my lowest point. and i relasped with my eating. but my eating when i 1st fell in love with him was just as bad as it is now.
he ended it with me and a month or so later told me he was gay… so my confidence was just compleatly shatterd… i felt like i was living a lie and my life was a joke… he hates me now… somehow it seems like he put the blame on me… he talks to me like crap on his shoe… and he dont tlk anymore…after this happened my uncle died.

But ive picked myself up and im doing things in life that i love… and im happy the only thing that gets in my way is this eating…
it dont not eat on popopse the way i used to … somehow my body just doesnt crave food in the day… it just longs for simple chocolate bars and bisicuts… suff to nibble on.

i no it is random me telling u my life but i just thought i would share this with you… im trying to figure out why i cant even remember the last time i ate well… and tbh i dont think there was a time

xxxx

karla, it's not random, it's how this site works :-) it's all about having a platform to share everything (apart from numbers of course, lol). i think it's great you started telling us more about you, it sure explains a lot and i hope you can see too that there are a few things you might want to address or evaluate further.

i'm sorry how you felt throughout school and how you were treated. some people just don't have a clue how much impact they can have on your future or how hurtful they are.

re your (non)-appetite/hunger: it sure is a sign of your slowed, almost inactive metabolism as wel as your sugar leves. with eating so little throughout the day your hunger signs will be totally messed up and by the time you do realize them your blood sugar will be so low so that your body only requires instant sugar, which is often shown in urges for chocolate or other sweets.
if you can bring yourself to eat more regularly and more nutritious foods your hunger and desires will change completely after only a short time.
have you ever thought about getting a healthy meal plan?

recovery is hard so i'm glad you found things that you enjoy doing. having those will help you focus on getting better during the difficult times. what are those things you like??

love
maedi

Ive tried doing my own meal plans and charts, i stick with them for about a week then i go back to old ways, i get lassy with it.
its very true… suger is what i crave most… chocolate biccys, all that kind of stuff… and sometimes this is all i have in the day. apart from when it comes to dinner time, my mum makes the meal for dinner time, i sometimes enjoy it but other times just pick at it and chuck it in the bin.
The things i enjoy are drawing, ive drawn from a young age , from the age of 3 i was drawing faces with every detail in eye lashes eye brows even the pupils in the eye!. im very creative… i have a passion for the hair and makeup industry in TV and film. ive applied for unis for next year for courses in hair and makeup for tv and film… and this is another reason why i need to get my eating back on track because i feel if i go away to uni im going to be the one havin to sort my food out all the time.,. and im worried this will effect me. but i cant let this eating get in the way of my dreams… :confused:

xxx

Thank you for sharing some of your hardships throughout your life. It really helps see what sort of roots there are. I know that lying to yourself and others is the easy way but you really sound like you want to get better. You've been through some tramatic events in your life and sometimes it triggers a defence mechanism. We use it to try to control some part of our lives that we find uncontrollable. It works for a time but then you get to the point that it becomes detrimental to your well being. You sound like a smart girl and you are doing all the right things. I do understand where you are coming from because sometimes I use food as a sort of control mechanism, although it only hurts myself and the problem still exists. Keep posting and i'll try my best to respond! Keep on keeping on sweetie, there is hope and help available. Just give it a try and if this is your first step for getting help then good on you! Maybe later you can talk with a therapist with knowing you have support lined up if you ever seem to falter.

Much Love and Light
Soulkiss

Thanks soulkiss! :slight_smile:

your support and advice gets me through, and is really helping!!, hope your happy and are keeping well!!
i defently agree about the defence mechanism, my friend told me i had an eating disorder the other day, and even though i no something is not rite, i felt upset by her and defended myself.

x x x x

defence is completely natural, especially when you ar eonly just coming to terms with everything yourself.
i can already see progress in your thoughts though. you are opening up more, and seem more accepting of the issues.

keep posting, keep sharing, we will all get through this together.

love
maedi

Anytime Karla! Im glad to help :) It's very easy to become upset by someone whom you care about come at you with what seems like they are being uncompassionate. Maybe you just need a real heart to heart with someone who understands and knows about your issues. could be a great help. i know it's hard and you aren't intentionally doing this, you've had a really tough series of events happen in your life. Finding balance and support in your life will help in so many ways. And Maedi was right, you've already grown as a person just being on here and finding a caring atmosphere to encompass you. You can do this I have a lot of faith in you and while it's going to be a tough long road, we are always here. Vent all you need to and tell us about how you are doing.

With Much Love and Light
Soulkiss

i just wanted to say that this convo inspires me and i wish you all the best and good luck-personally-i think you sound like and amazing person and definatly one of the strongest ive ever met. thanx for the hope

all my love and wishes,
nana<3