Have you ever noticed that it's easier to experience some sort of spiritual connection when your life is falling apart?

have you ever noticed that it's easier to experience some sort of spiritual connection when your life is falling apart? desperation and hopelessness slither onto the scene..... tears wash away and then reveal. humility and forgiveness push out desperation and hoplessness, and the divine power of a spiritual connection descends upon our souls...

yin and yang.
the low in order to reach the high.
the cleanse before the divine revelation.
if you want to kiss the sky, you better learn how to kneel. [U2]

illness sucks. death is unfair. tragedy is wrong. bad things happening to good people can really mess with your mind. i don't know WHY these things happen...but i can surely tell you that these things WILL HAPPEN... and when these hellish circumstances shatter us into a million pieces, that is when our gardens are longing for an awakening.

broken, shattered, tortured, desperate... the small cracks in my personhood break wide open. painful, raw exposure... as my soul bottoms out, my ego retreats. i can now truly LISTEN for a spiritual connection, for an awakening. tears of hoplessness and shame cleanse the murkiness of my spirit- preparing it for the glimpse... the glimpse of a connection with god.

at no other time in my life, really, am i quite so open to god as when i am so utterly broken. in between the rise and fall of *good and bad*, mortals of the earth can find little chances to spiritually ascend.

i am not suggesting that we look for or create tragic circumstances with the hope of reaching god. but what i am noticing however is that when life is pretty good for me, and when i am pretty busy... i am pretty egocentric and in less *need* for an awakening, to spiritually ascend, to make a more meaningful connection with god.

i am finding that i am not only feeling confused, frustrated, angry, etc during this messy vision quest of mine, but i am also feeling more open to the spiritual realm. my ego takes a backseat as i awaken to my spiritual needs.

it will take far more than just a connection forged with the spirit of god to pull me through... but our souls are powerful constructs. my soul is breathing in the lowness, the kneeling, the cleanse... each breath brings about a new pain, a new hurt, a new stab... each breath is followed by the exhaling of healing, the exhaling of wonder, the exhaling of spiritual connection.

yeah, this is a pretty fuzzy, fluffy post... please don't misundestand this post as my expression of feeling better. for today, i do not feel better... but i AM noticing my growing openness to spiritual growth.

sometimes very beautiful things blossom out of very bad situations. i want to believe that. i'm trying to choose to believe that. i want to wrap up my experience with this illness and present it to the world- i want it to become the forgiveness that we all deserve.

feeling a bit melancholy and simultaneously philosphical...

Amy: I get it. That's my short way of saying your beautiful, complicated post speaks to me. Spirituality or whatever you want to call it, is (and has) truly saved me.

I am glad you are opening up to it. God will bless you in ways you can't imagine/
Love you friend


Yes in our pain when our life is falling apart it is easier to have some spiritual connection.I have felt it too..I do FEEL it.I don't believe I found this site on my own..I believe there was a spiritual power behind it.

Molly is right God will bless you in ways you can't imagine..he allready has:)

Love ♥

molly and grace, my darling sisters---

while i do claim my place under the umbrella of culturally christian, i must admit to being a closet atheist. but perhaps i am leaning more toward agnostic, currently, due to the longing for some sort of spiritial connection/ awakening. although i have always felt some sort of greatness beyond our human existence, a religious relationship with our mother earth, and an honest mysticism for the powerful universe- i can not help but take on a more walt whitman view of our existence.

i suppose my convoluted attempt at philosophical babble was just my way of trying to respect that our times of raw pain and tragedy can also be times that prepare our souls to commune with something greater.

thank you, molly and grace, for witnessing my lows that are preparing me to be more open to the highs.


"times of raw pain and tragedy can also be times that prepare our souls to commune with something greater"

I SO get this! Your words speak to me as well friend.

tinkerbell jan-
i'm happy to know that you get what i am writing. attempting to *sit with* some of my agitations has been a painfully meditative process. quieting my insides, my emotions, and my thoughts to refrain from my ignorant dances has laid a basic foundation for a meditative enlightenment.
so yes, my hope is to rid myself of my oddities and perhaps be fortunate enough to have prepared my soul to commune with something greater.
namaste, pixie-guru...