Haven't been here in a long time . But I have a question for

Haven't been here in a long time . But I have a question for all of you. Do you believe people can change? If you were the one who got cheated on or you are the cheater, what do you think. Do you grow as a person from your mistakes or after things settle down do you think you would revert back to your old ways.

1 Heart

absolutely we can change. however, it has to come from within ourselves and it has to be for ourselves.

4 Hearts

we might and probably will go back to some of our old ways. that’s the journey. i can’t believe i’m actually writing this down.

Only if the person wants it and is genuine.

2 Hearts

@johnyun20 Hey Johny, that is the real question how do you know it is genuine.

you can't know. trust is believing without knowing. that is the main ingredient of a marriage. that's what gives a marriage its soul

4 Hearts

I think they definitely can. But not everyone who says they will change, actually will. I kind of view cheaters through the same lens as alcoholics, drug addicts, or basically any personal affliction...in the way they are self destructive. We've seen that the ones who actually want it bad enough, even the worse off, can change! I feel the successful ones are usually the ones who take responsibility and put in the work. Even they may relapse but they definitely have the greatest chance. Some may always have the best intentions and just not be able to get there. Some are strong enough to quit their habits (even cheating!) cold turkey and never falter again. It's as individual as the people themselves and we never know for sure who's actually going to make a true change. But one thing is certain, some will.

3 Hearts

@Angie2002 great point. i lost all faith in human beings and the institution of marriage after my experience and still am not all the way back. that’s part of the reason i joined this support group an hour ago. The story or my wife and I could be an unbelievable one someday. Going from where we were to where we could end up some day could really be something. especially to the folks that had a ring side seat for it all over the last 15-20 years. it’s so hard. but the grind and the fight has to be valuable. i’m learning that every day and these posts are helping.

I think people can change. I often look back at the things I did in my early twenties and don’t recognise myself. I realise that I had been damaged by people who were supposed to love me now. But at the time I couldn’t see that. I have changed attitudes towards many things and I have learned to love myself, but I have never reverted back to my old ways as you put it. And I don’t think I never will. I’m emotionally more mature and capable of understanding that what people do is not my fault. I didn’t deserve it, or asked for it. And I’m assuming your question stems from being cheated on. I do think cheaters can change. Not all of them of course. Some people have no interest/ability in improving themselves. How do you know that your partner is capable of change? I wish I had the answer. But I guess for me it’s looking at his actions, not his words. And don’t give a third chance.

3 Hearts

There is no disputing with time comes change whether one wants it or not. The question should be will the other change to benefit us going forward with them. That is what we should look for...change that shows they are remorseful for their wrong actions towards us and intent to make things better for getting back together.

1 Heart

Yes. People can change for the better. Most have to hit rock bottom. They have to want it. I have seen great changes in my H the last 3 1/2 years. I just don’t know if it is enough to ever make up for the infidelity. :(

1 Heart

@Yousaid4ever Making up for cheaters would be way above what most would be capable of. You can only expect them to be what they always should have been. How can you expect more than that?

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