Haven't been on in awhile. Thought I was pulling my life together after leaving my narc husband, after going thru a nightmare divorce where he fooled the courts and took custody of our children (despite a guardian ad litem's and psychologist's opinion that I should have full custody). But now I'm right back in the thick of it. Taking him to court for contempt of the communication and visitation orders. Dealing with him constantly reaching out to me with his façade of kindness and "let's get along for the sake of the children" that I know is half his crazy need to continue a "friendship" with and be liked by me and half another measure to fool the courts. Having to hear about the lies he has told our children to alienate them from me (examples: says I have bedbugs at my house, says I am dating a bi-sexual, says I was responsible for giving my child head lice, says it's all my fault that he and I aren't friends despite his many generous efforts towards me). And now recently told me he is considering a job out of state - whereby he would take the children away completely. I'm terrified. He fooled the judge once; what's to say he can't do it again? I've tried so hard to keep my head above water thru this - despite being separated from my children. I try to keep the big picture in mind: at least I'm away from him; someday they too will see him for what he truly is. But this is maddening! For every step I take forward he is right there ready to do whatever he can to try to tear me down; destroy my relationship with my children - the only tie he still has to me. They are pawns to him. He pays attention to them now - attending all school events he never could find the time for when I was in the house, even when he was sitting home unemployed. He continues to try to ingratiate himself to me in front of them so he will appear the "nice" parent who wants to get along. Why am I the only person who can see him for what he is? I feel as if I can't win; ever. He will always be there to make me look like the bad guy. Courts haven't helped and now he is tearing up my family from within. Agony.
OMG Wendy, I have been thinking about you off and on for so long, and just this morning I was wondering about you again I wishing I knew how you were doing! If only the news were good, and not so horrible as what you're going through. I can't believe how I keep hearing of these situations where the courts are no use at all...if only narcs didn't have this tremendous ability to look good when they want to and so utterly conceal their black souls! It sounds like you are doing the best you can to have the attitude needed to survive this...but the possibility of losing one's children is horrific. I have to say, good for you for taking the issues of communication and visitation violations to court. Have you tried to recruit the testimony of the guardian and psychologist who testified before that you should have full custody? Would either of them tell the court about NPD and the way your ex manipulates people? Meanwhile, your desire to still spend time with your kids vs. his to take them out of state doesn't make him look very good, I would think. I can't even imagine your frustration, and I totally understand at this point why you would despair of the system helping you. At any rate, you are right what you say that you can only do your best here. If the worst case scenario occurs, you know it's only a matter of time before your kids realize how terrible he is. The leaving-the-state thing might even just be an empty threat he's using to intimidate you. I can't believe your kids wouldn't beg him to stay if he tried that--and possibly it would help open their eyes to how selfish he is. Man, I don't know what else to say except I'm here for you. I missed you, and in spite of the rotten state of affairs in your life, it is good to have you back and know that you're alive and still fighting!