I'm having a hard time today. I know the anxiety is coming. I can feel it. The trigger is there. My son. Adult, yet not. I want to scream. I want him to grow up and be responsible. My other son is. Do I want him to leave the nest? Probably. Is he ready? No. Does he want to leave? No, he's got it too good. Why can't I let go? It's his life. But it falls back on me. On the weekends I have alcohol. All week I try to hide from it, then the weekends come and I can't fill up all of the times, so I look forward to hiding in the alcohol. it's a temporary break.
Hi Alwaysworrying, thank you so much for being here. Do you have a good relationship with your son overall? Because you mention that he is a trigger, so he clearly stresses you out if you feel that you need to drink. Have you considered talking to a therapist? Please keep sharing with us, we are here for you.
Overall yes. He can be very sweet at times. The things that get me are stupid - things where he is just not taking responsiblity and I feel compelled to constantly remind, nag or intervene. Call it what you will. Yes I do talk with my therapist. I can't figure out why these seemingly, ordinary things, are triggers. many '20 somethings' have difficulty accepting responsibility. My other child seems to take it on as he needs to.
It has to do with my younger days. I never had a choice, I had to take things on from the very early age. Always had full responsibility and handled it pretty well - so if I could just figure out the catch of why his lack of it, triggers me - maybe I could stop it..?? Thanks for listening. Thea
Hi Thea, that makes total and complete sense, you were forced to be responsible from a young age and that is why this seems to be triggering you. It's like how I've worked endlessly and so incredibly hard since I was 20, so when I hear others complain about a simple day's work it bothers me. So, I can imagine how and why your son being somewhat lazy and irresponsible can bother you. Though, I can tell you that it's best to get him on track at this age, because my aunt and uncle babied my cousin and he still lives with them at the age of 39. My aunt cleans after him, cooks for him, and they do just about everything for him. He does work a 9-5 job, but that's about it.
My parents let us go off on our own in our 20s and I had a whole lot to learn on my own. I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but they really toughened me up. Maybe if he can work and live on his own, then he will learn to be more responsible....well, at that point, he's forced to be more responsible.
Please keep sharing with us, we are here for you.