I have always known I had bdd, and it was about three days ago I finally began to cry and realize my life is never going to get better unless I try to figure out why I have so much self hate.
I had never kept a boyfriend long in the past, I am assuming I often scared men away because of my constant insecurities and anger. I have been in my relationship for about six months now, we live together ( we have known each other for five years ) & he is very responsive to the fact I have this disease. I finally told him what I thought I was dealing with, and he said it all sounded so much like me, but I can't help but feel awful. I am aware I am so unerving some times, I am a pest to him I know I am. I yell at him for calling me pretty, and I end up crying. He has always thought I was not mentally all together but now it is kind of putting the puzzle together. When we go out I will not step out of the car or house unless I ask him a million times if I look okay. Every time I see a girl I find pretty, I make him swear on his life I am prettier than her, he does then I cry because I think he is a huge liar.
He is always just trying to make me a happier person, but I can not control my self destructive ways and phrases. Does any one else have a relationship they are in and find it very hard to be a nice girl to there boyfriend ? Or girlfriend?
He seems like a very good guy and he cares for you. Please, when you get upset, try to be mellow and this way your anger will dissipate and you will not offend him. You do not need to compete with anyone, because is only one you in this universe and also, he is with you because he wants and cares about you. Be happy and God bless you.
pamiam214 have you talked to a therapist before about this? i think that you need to seek counseling so they can get to the root of your problem and help you heal. it is wonderful that you have a supportive boyfriend, let him help you and support you through the process of overcoming BDD.
I just posted about a similar situation with my boyfriend but we are now several years down the line. For about a year of dating, my boyfriend wanted to "fix" me. Sooner or later he realized that only I can fix myself. Anyway I totally relate to what your saying, it's very hard to explain what it is like in your own head. I have an appointment with a free therapist on Thursday, Maybe you could try something like that if you haven't already.
As always, I enjoy reading your posts.
My now husband and I have known eachother 8 years, together for 6, and married for 3. He knows me backwards and forwards and tries so SO hardto understand my disease even though it's unbelievably hard for him. My worst times (lately) have been when we watch television and a beautiful girl (or one with big breasts which is my current weakest point) comes on and I simply freak out. I get so angry that I don't look like her and I complain about myself and he of course tells me Im beautiful and there's nothing wrong with me and he would never ever want me to change. At this point the anger is built up to the point of violence ( I was a long time cutter but have finally quit ) I can feel it I my limbs and I start kicking and stomping and punching the air and telling him to leave me alone and not touch me. I hate that. But for some unknown reason hes stick around this long and swears on his life that he loves me. I only hope one day it helps.