Having some serious flashbacks today... What do you all do to cope with them because they are really bothering me currently!!
2 Hearts
I had a bad situation on Mothers' Day. I have PTSD (non-military.) My mother shot herself when I was 12. She was mentally ill and went to great lengths to harm herself and get attention. She displayed very bizarre attention-seeking behavior and when she wasn't getting the attention she wanted, she hurt herself, and sometimes very badly.
I hated my mother for a long, long time, but we made our peace and had our forgiveness right before she died. But I still suffer the consequences of her abuse, neglect, and her cruelty.
My friends all talk so lovingly about their mother on this day, and I feel like crawling in a hole! This past Mothers Day I went down into the basement and cried. My husband heard me and came down. He understands.
I wrote a book about my experiences and that helped get a lot of this behind me, but I still have some days that are hard to bear.
I stayed off Facebook and didn't look at all the well-wishes from people to their mothers, I stayed home with my husband and we were together. My son showed up with a big bunch of flowers, one from him and one from his girlfriend. The front room looked like a funeral parlor! That made me feel better.
Then one of my step sons called me and wished me Happy Mothers Day, and said "I want you to know I love you, I appreciate all you did for us (his brother) and thank you for all you did." Well the tear factory was in full function, but that was helpful.
We have to remember even though we have problems and pasts, we are not bad people. There is always someone who loves us and cares about us.
I know you need to socialize and be with others, and isolating is not the answer, but there is nothing wrong with avoiding situations that trigger flash backs. That is only self care, not selfish grief or self-centeredness.
Mother's Day is so hard for me because I am too sensitive to what other people are feeling, and MD is a very hard day for many, many people! I stopped attending church gradually, and one of the very first days I was NEVER there was for MD. Sure, they had the kids sing and give flowers to all the women, not just mothers. But I knew the women who had not been able to have children, women whose children were abducted by an ex-spouse and whose well-being isn't even known to them, people whose mothers had died--not just recently!--and other permutations of pain, all the different ways the topic of Motherhood can hurt people. I couldn't enjoy being a mom of three with all that going on. Then my middle child grew up and decided she hates me and that I ruined her life. You better believe that I make myself smile when the other two and other people remember me on Mother's Day but I remember all day the one who hates me and all the issues we had that drove us apart when she was a teenager. My husband is a hoarder. I KNOW her life was difficult because of that situation and my very bad health.
So anyway you're not alone. Mother's Day sucks and will always suck as long as the majority find it painful. ANd I think the majority do, or ultimately will, find the day sad at best.
1 Heart
sometimes doing something helps. a walk in the bush, be industrious slowly, do something with one friend. the flashbacks may pause or at least be moved to the haze. good luck. it is hard
1 Heart
Thank you everyone.. Those are good ideas and I'm going to try them!
@sadiekins15 I enjoy “time management” games and indulge once in a while when I’m feeling a funk coming on. These for me take complete concentration and it helps me focus elsewhere for a while. Poohbearme has some great ideas as well.