Hay guys -
How are you all. My name is Simon, and this is my first post, I know I am a sex addict , which is why I am here. This will officially be be the first time I have addressed this 'ever' - I am 34 years old and have struggled with an addictive personality as far back as I can Remember, I have discovered that I never really combat an addiction, I simply replace it, - now my desire to engage in Sexual behaviour is creating a less than favourable situation in my felationship. 2 years ago at the start of our relationship we had an identical Bio-Chemical (sexual) desire for each other. but now as time as gone by she seems to have lost her desire somewhat to the point where I can tell that she sometimes just does it, and doesnt enjoy it, - I always include lots of fourplay tried including toys etc, but she seems not to share the same taste now-days - we always said it would never change.. but, it has, in the heat of the momnet (arguments) she will even call me a 'Dirty C**t' and other less than complimentary things. Im at a dead end road and dont know where to turn,
That sucks but the positive side is that she agrees to make love, even if she doesn't seem to enjoy. in my case all I get from my boyfriend is one word: No.
True but it feels like an inconvienience when the person you want to share it with you can tell doesnt want to. - its like she just gives in to my wants, not that she wants to share it, and becuase of this ill sometimes say - fancy 'doing it' tomorrow afternoon, as we dont often get free afternoons, and then when it comes round she forgets and it causes an argument, saying 'why does it have to be so set' -
Either way it's screwed up, and most of people doesn't seem to understand or at least try.
Im not suggesting she isnt understanding, that wouldnt be fair, I just miss how it was, so I have taken the steps to seek help
@Simon1980 I think this is a really great step Simon. It shows that you wish to grow as a person for her and your relationship. However, just be careful. Its just as important that you want to help yourself for you and not just for the relationship.
Well, the hardest part is we were perfectly sexually compatable before, so, I have to do something, - I guess by helping the relationship I am helping myself - she will just become resentful towards me otherwise
I think sometimes as individuals we take for granted that we are always changing, and therefore so are the people around us. Everyone changes at different rates and so sometimes the changes aren't always noticeable, but they are there nonetheless. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is just going through a phase where her priorities are changing and what she is looking for in your relationship goes deeper then just sex. While sex is fun it can distract us from the things in a relationship that are really important. Maybe she is hoping that by withdrawing from the sexual side of your relationship that it will force your relationship with her into something that is more fulfilling.
I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
I hope so too, - we have only been together 2 years.. and for such a drastic change to happen in such a short time, when we always said we would never change - she thinks that I was involved with somone at work, which I didnt, - I was playing the part (in text messages) as a secret partner of someone, - (this was before I got in my relationship) - nothing ever happened physical infact the person at work even saved me in her phone with a different persons picture, - it seems to be since my girlfriend thought this things have dropped and have no sign of coming back.
Men are visual wemon are emotional, if there is alot of fighting, resentment starts then sexual desire decreases for the woman, a man can make love and be over it, her.. well it isn't as easy. Meet her emotional needs and you may see a turn around.
everything i do is for her, hense being here.. trying to sort it out, I dont think you can define emotion to a specific gender, - Im a very emotional person. - I never do anything that I think she wont like, I never, Littterally ever go anywhere without her, I always tidy for her when shes at work, I always say to her 'i' miss the closeness. not spacifically just sexually despite my addiction
Have you talked to her about your addiction? I mean is she aware of it in terms of it being an "issue" or does she just assume you really really like sex?
she knows about it, i mentioned it before we even got together. she said when we first got together. 'I dont even see it as a condition' - now 2 years on.. im here discussing how to sort it
I think sometimes people who don't have a sex addiction underestimate what being a sex addict actually means. Maybe it has just dawned on her what you meant by that and how you view sex. I sense that you two are having a rough time so I know it might be an awkward conversation, but maybe you should ask her outright what is bothering her. Ask her if it is the kind of sex you have, or the amount of times you do it... if this is what is bothering her. If it is then you will at least know that you have something to work on. Its really hard to tell with women what they are thinking. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe she is not feeling as attractive as she once felt.
Hi again sorry for delay. - It has raised more than the occasional dispute yes, I always ask her whats wrong, - (because to look at her it evident something is) - and then she will say nothing, then a bit later I ask again and she will say 'Stop arguing with me!, I said nothing'! - then we fall out, and then a little later someone else will ask her and she'll just say what it is, - why cant she tell me, she shares very little with me about whats going on in her head which is rather disheartening - I miss her, I really do.. like crazy amounts, - but the future we planned 2 years ago is looking less like it did back then, Im not saying I would leave her.