He has been cold and distance. He picks arguments with me. Yesterday he told me he is still mad I spied on him. I was livid he is talking and texting another woman and he is mad at me. I think he is mad he can't talk to her like before. Then he wonders why I don't believe a word he says. Don't know how much longer I can deal with this. He tells me he loves me and wants our marriage to continue but he makes no effort at all.
3 Hearts
@avmom MH did the same thing. He actually told me he can't believe I invaded his privacy. I think most cheaters say that because they really think they are not going to get caught. I think they don't want us to know all the details of what happened. I'm not sure if that is because of quilt or shame or fear of hurting us. I also ask myself when he says this...Do I know everything or is there more because he doesn't want me to snoop? I hope things get better for you!
1 Heart
Don't snoop/look for things ladies, not because its wrong or invading their "privacy" but because of what it does to you emotionally. Everything done in the darkness eventually comes into the light! If they are doing something you will find out without looking for it. We love our spouses, but at the end of the day they do not define us or our character. WE define us, WE define our character. Build yourself up, fortify yourself, and if the worst happens and they are cheating again, you'll be in a better space to deal with it and decide how you wish to go forward. Snooping keeps you wallowing in a place of insecurity and self doubt. You don't want to live that way. Rise up, hold your head high, YOU did nothing wrong. Be about loving you, taking care of you, and putting yourself in a position to deal with whatever comes next.
5 Hearts
@jimisgirl Well said !
@jimisgirl Amen!
It is hard to focus on yourself when your partner is treating you like crap. The looks and comments are hurtful. He tells me he is going through stuff but wont open up. I know the kids sense it and it us not fair to them it is like he checked out.
1 Heart
@avmom Having kids makes it tough, a lot to consider, much more than if it were just you. But if things don’t turn around its going to eventually effect the kids anyway. They have to be your first priority. Keeping their world physically and emotionally safe is our responsibility as parents, maybe coming at your husband on that level, making it about your children will help him come around and begin to see its about more than him. If he’s a good dad he should be willing to figure it out for the sake of them. But regardless, YOU take care of yourself emotionally, because if he’s not going to come around, your kids will need you to do what’s in their best interest. (Sending positive energy and prayers for you and your family)
He looks at me like I am always trying to catch him in something which I am not. He feels I should always be positive and if I am not then I must be mad about something so I must be snooping.
OMG, this is my husband as well. its driving me crazy!!! where is the sympathy or empathy?!?!? Its hurts so much not to be understood.
2 Hearts
Same here. I feel like I have to keep everything bottled up inside. Can't talk about it, can't feel anything, just put it behind us a move on.
1 Heart
@Rasttabear The worst it when they think a simple apology is enough and its all over.
If he's still talking to her watch out. My "happy" marriage imploded in less than a month because he wouldn't stop talking to "her" and he tried to have me commited.
1 Heart
Im sick of this BS about being mad about snooping. Your husband cheated. He lied to you. How can you trust him 100%. If you want to bury your head in the sand and assume he is now honest and true to you than go ahead. If he doesn't want you to snoop than he should give you all his passwords and a list of all his email accounts. If he consents to this than you are not going behind his back.
1 Heart
Mine said the same thing , he believe his privacy has been violated. I have a hard time with it as he is the one who cheated and lied and lied and did I say he LIED, but I am the bad person cause I started snooping and watching . there is a very fine line in many states if its a violation of any privacy with a husband and wife. many states will not allow tracking devices without knowledge of the person . then what good it it.. But let say you want to put it in his or her car.. then most states allow that IF You are on the title.. its your property
1 Heart
It is nice to hear other people are hearing the same thing from their spouses. I don't feel so crazy. The fact is he lied whether he hooked up with her or not. He thinks because nothing physical happened it doesn't matter but it is emotional so just as bad. He has been putting off a trip to visit his mother as that is where he was going to meet her but I know he has been talking to his mother lately and she wants to see him. He would be insane if he attempts to meet up with her but I don't put it by home anymore. I think that is why he keeps bringing it up.
3 Hearts
@avmom I have read many of the post on the site from many people who all sound like the cheaters read the Same BOOK. It all falls back to they did it they lied. They were caught , typical tactic to get us all to think we are the bad person I look at it this was no matter what has happened they gave me a reason to snoop. We are still trying to work it out. Or at least I am. He is getting better but I don’t trust him and not sure I ever will
We all just need to take things one day at a time if you want to stay in the relationship. Last night was good. He asked if I needed help cooking dinner which he did. And he slept with me the whole. Sounds stupid but those little things mean alot
1 Heart
One of the best ways to show him that you are ok is for you to you and totally put him to him to the side. Make yourself #1 your top priority make him see what he is missing. This is actually a good thing he is doing this to you believe it or not cause if he is so mad and angry at what you did when what he did was worse. If he is really not sorry for it I am sorry to say this but it is a sign and maybe time to move on because if he is not committed to you and only you there really is no point.