He hits me

I didn't know where to place my discussion because many relate abuse to substance abuse. When i think "abuse".. he comes to mind. He makes comments like "no ***" "no breasts" and then says he's joking in the long run. He makes comments in front of his friends, but always tells me he's joking. I may not be a size "C" but I've been told i have a nice, firm butt. However, a majority of the time i feel that what he says is true and i find myself picking out these flaws. I don't like to be tickled. I am a rape victim on not one occasion but several. He knows this. Yet he will still tickle me, as my face drops i tell him to stop. Usually when he makes comments i'll throw him a playful punch to the chest, nothing serious or harmful. When do you draw the line when he hits back? I've been smacked in my mouth. I threw a can of dog food(random, i know; it was the closest object by me) at his genital area when he repeatedly made remarks...he kicked me in my shin with great force, breaking the skin and causing it to scar. It hurt to put pressure when i walked. He has pulled me by my hair. He's grabbed my ribs and squeezed tightly causing me to yelp in pain. I've asked his friend if what he does is wrong and he replied "you deserve it, you shouldn't punch him or talk ****." I have to deal with girls asking him all the time if he works out, so already the attention is drawn to him. I question how a girl like me could find a guy as good looking as he. I've been insecure for as long as i can remember. People have told me i am pretty but i've had people tell me i have the face of an ogre. I apologize to those who are actually reading this for this is me venting.

His mother took him down south to visit family. I surprised him with his friends and we took a road trip home. I admitted to his family what he's done. They flipped on him. He hasn't physically hurt me since but now things have become a little more clear. He has always deleted his text messages before we dated, but his phone is constantly going off. I borrowed his phone the other day and he told me his mom was texting him. Well, his mom texted as I was using it saying "call me when you wake up." He denied until he "admitted" it was his friend Nils, which is a guy that i know. However, he would always tell me Nils texted him about whatever. It's these little sneaky gestures that make me think and allow me to fall into a deeper state of insecurity.

When you fall for someone...the way they talk to you when they are on their sweet days...when they "make love" to you...do you convince yourself that everything will be ok? Where do i find the strength to depart myself when in the long run, i have love for him

I know, I've been told numerous times before. I sound like a complete idiot.

You're too young for these problems. My sister ran off with a mysogynistic narcisist when she was your age.

Please reconsider going any further with this ****.

Become comfortable and happy with yourself, first. Then find somebody that loves YOU.

I hope that helps. You deserve to be happy.

Shuttlebill and Krazy2001:

I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post.

It’s difficult to get over someone when there’s physical pain too. I wake up with knots in my stomach and there’s times when I even “get sick”.

I’ve been told before that I need to find love for myself before I can love another…but when you’re severely insecure, how do you go about this?

Shuttlebill:
I apologize to hear about your sister’s awful encounter. Sometimes I feel that I’m highly at risk of getting caught in a similar dilemma.

P.S. That quote made me smile – thank you!

You really need to get away from this guy. Someone who is not willing to accept your boundries will keep you from reaching your potential.

this guy i definitely going too far both mentally and physically.
does your best friend know about this or is he/she aware of it? what do they say?
i've never been in an abusive relationship myself but my marriage is at a stage where it makes me ill. but i love my husband so how could i leave him? i totally understand your fears and worries but you have to ask yourself what's good for you? do you really think you have a happy future with this guy? what would you advice your friend if she was in your situation?

xxx
maedi

Maedi- I was once engaged to a man who would physically abuse me. The farthest he went was being “in great anger in which he could not control” (so he would swear); he took a butter knife and with great force threw it towards my shoulder in which i blocked it with my forearm. I shielded myself but the great power behind his throw caused my skin to tear. I had only asked for a mayo-free sandwich.

I’m not sure about a future. I rarely hear him talk about wanting to go back to school. He recently looked into his GED but I’m not sure if he is actually going to attend college. I’m in a professional, mid-class atmosphere in which I cannot screw up.

Your last question brought tears to my eyes. My friend’s ex boyfriend is now in jail for many years. He had punched her in the face…dragged her by her hair to a nearby park late at night and beat her until she was completely unconscious. He also bit off her lip in the process and she had to show up to several reconstructive surgery appointments. She’s constantly having nervous breakdowns…I’d tell her to get away. As scary as this sounds, it’s almost like I’m so mentally gullible that I may not learn til I reach there. I’d rather deal with the abuse and hang on to the little happy moments…it’s almost like he’s my life jacket. :frowning:

How do i break away without the constant stomach pains, the throwing up, the shakes…??

xo
Deirdre

i know what you mean about "I may not learn til I reach there". it applies to two aspects in my life: my eating disorder and my husband. my ED because i've been lucky so far with my health (despite 15 years of it) btu i know about the possible health effects yet i stick with it. my husband because already before we got married he started gambling (online poker) and it was always 'yes i stop when i made ?$$'. he stole money from me, he borrowed from me (ill probably never see it), and now he hasn't paid any bills for over a year while i was working my butt off and never making enough. doesn't sound bad i guess, but the constant lying, abusing my sense of responsibility and basiclaly destroying any trust and connection in our relationship. YET, i always hope that he'll change!! and i guess that makes me gullible too, for over four years now.

the physical symptoms you'll learn to control. that's why you need to see if you can get therapy, they seem to be psychosomatic and with coping skills you'll be able to deal with them. give it a go, contact your doctor!

no matter what, i'm here for you!!
xxxx

This is not what love IS & THIS IS VERY WRONG, from what you describe this young man is showing his insecurities by projecting them onto YOU, this is not a good trait at all & IS very dangerous & WILL escalate further (which it already has)you must find a way of ridding this person from your life & do it quietly, dont tell anyone what your planning, talk here & vent, other than that you've got a new job & will work on an apartment as mentioned in your other post & dont let this person know where your moving to, START NOW otherwise you'll wind up like alot of us here but alot older thinking the same thing, then you'll really be down & out emotionally/feeling stuck. Your gonna be ok honey, we're here, lean on us.

All my strengths.

April

p.s. You can work on your esteem issues later on.
.

Hi, Dee. You are in danger because of the types you hang out with. You were repeatedly violated, your best friend was severely assaulted, and your "boyfriend" hits you as if this is the most normal thing. His friends defend him not you OFCOURSE! Change the people around you before you become the next murder case statistic.He doesn't respect you, doesn't love you, I'm sure he cheated what more you expect? Ofcourse you will hurt physically as well - this is withdrawal like from strong drugs. Don't be scared, try to eat and relax and wait for it to pass, it will!! M.K.