He is getting well-still angry

HI all! I am new here- My husband has Stage 4 NHL and is getting chemo. He is not the same and very angry. Any dos or don'ts or ANY advice? He is a good man- just very remote now.

Clueless, depending on the treatment your husband is receiving, it is entirely possible that one of the drugs he is receiving is causing mood changes as a side effect. Have you contacted anyone on your husband's care team? There should be a case manager, social worker, charge nurse or someone else who has a responsibility to consider the needs of the whole patient, which includes the patient's spouse.

I think this is where you need to start - get involved in his case and his care and if he is being remote, work on how you can develop communication to bring him back. Often, I think, when we (the patient) are going through things we try to shield our family members from our fear and anxiety about what we have and what we are going through and what the eventual outcome will be. I assure you it is a lot to think about and, sometimes, it is just easier to hold those thoughts internally. Of course, that is not the best course for most humans but it happens all the time.

Good luck with your situation and remember that open, honest communication is a key to breaking through to your husband. Even though it is all about him at this moment in time it still has to be about you and the rest of your family at the same time.

Good health,


My brother, when diagnosed with Stage IV Lung, became hopeful, then very very angry when he reacted with a stroke, and unable to tolerate the chemo. It was difficult and disturbing, so i understand what you are feeling. When he took Alimta, which strunk the tumor, he lost his anger aand was able to focus on getting better. I think when your husband will get over his anger, and use his energy to concentrate on getting well, and standing up to his lymphoma.
Lympjoma is now called a chronic disease, and even stage four is very treatable.
Chemo can do weird things, but we here need more information to know if any of us have felt the same from a certain treatment cocktail.
I think Kermica wrote excellent advice.
Educate yourself, and keep in touch. We are here to support you and your husband.

Geri and Kermica,
Thank you both. We have talked with his team and they are trying to get him to be receptive to options. I just did not know how to prepare myself to cope and be whatever it is that he needs me to be. I am completely there for him, yet I fel that somehow I am not doing enough.
Thank you again!

NHLymphoma B-Cell
Stage IV
Diagnosed 6/10
Treatment started 8/10

Dear Clueless, you are doing the right thing and your caring love will get through to him. There is no way to prepare for this stuff and for a long time you find yourself in a reactive mode. Just the fact that you are here seeking advice tells me of your love for him and wherever he is at in his mind right now, trying to make some sense of it all, to being angry etc. he will eventually open up because you are there. Like I said before, sometimes there isn't anything you can do or say, it is the just being there that makes a difference, and you are doing that. God Bless you both!