He says I'm too fragile right now. Why can't he see that he caused this?
1 Heart
lol, i'm asking myself that same question!!! the whole, " i didn't/don't want to hurt you anymore" ugh THEY CAUSED IT!!!!!! y is it our fault in regards to reactions. he ripped my world apart then burned it to the ground, and now after all the pain he is "trying to look out for my mental well-being" where was that caring person before?!?!?!?
You're too fragile huh? Like he's one to talk. He so weak and insecure he can't even stay away from some chick he only sees on pic mail etc. Fragile...he needs to grow up.
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He says he wants his strong, independent, carefree, confident wife back. I used to be all those things. But now, I'm not. Now, I'm weak, frail, fragile, depressed, hurt, crushed, destroyed, damaged.... I don't see my friends anymore. I don't go out anymore. I stay to myself. I sleep a lot. I don't do the things I used to enjoy. I have lost my desire to do pretty much anything. I'm a shell of who I once was.
Over the past few months, it's gotten worse. Right after DDay, I was optimistic that we could survive... then he relapsed... again... and again... and again.... It became a cycle and each time he broke my heart I fell deeper and deeper into a pit that I can't seem to claw out of now. Worst of all, I know in my heart that I'll never escape the pit if we split for good.
My husband is a good man who got caught making a bad decision. Now, he has the opportunity to make the right decisions to move forward... but he resists that change because he believes I am being too controlling. How can I relinquish the control to him over this situation and convince him to do the right thing at the same time? Specifically, he does not want to live his life as an open book for me. I am not allowed to check his phone or read his emails/texts, or check his facebook page. How am I to know that I can trust him if he is not willing to give me anything to work with? If I insist on something to work with, I'm controlling.
This all frustrates me so much. I can see why he calls me fragile because he has me backed into a corner with nowhere to go and no way to move forward as he wants me to. How can I make him see that he needs to own his mistakes and take positive steps to move forward?
Cop out! He is in denial. He is twisted, using you as a battering ram. Please do not let him defeat you this way! Perhaps he is using this as an excuse to hold onto his bad habits. He caused this and keeps it going in a sadistic way. Please take care of yourself. Do not fall into this trap of letting him strip you of your life force!!! This is not the way you want this to go! Take some time for yourself and then build reserve of strength. He might need to see the outside of a
Slammed door to wake up! Trikel, you are such a precious person. It makes me crazy to read your defeated attitude here. Honey, how I wish I could take this all away!! But like our wise and wonderful April says, you have to pick the little girl in you up and show her the way to deal with all of this. You are stronger than You realize. Prayers and xx
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Trikel, you need to know he is wrong in all of this. Not letting you see his phone, email etc he knows your not going to leave him. You don't make him do this because you're fragile, he's fragile and weak and can't stop himself. Unless you just want to stay depressed and drive yourself nuts you have 2 choices here. 1 . and this being the best choice, toss him out and be done. That's not gonna happen so if you really want to be part of this man's life then except him for what he is...You keep saying why can't I make him see this or that, he don't want to see it and won't until he wants to. You need him for many different reasons it seems so USE him. You know he's talking to her, he's probably sending her flirty messages right now. You know this so who cares about his phone, email etc. Assume he's talking her and just start focusing on you. Build yourself back up and stay with him while you do it. Use him. Do all the things you've always wanted when he's watching the kids. Become more independent. Go have lunch or go out for a drink by yourself sometimes. Don't tell him unless he asks where you've been. He's not telling you everything. This is what he wants,he wants his strong independent happy confident wife back right? Give it to him but don't fully give yourself to him. If you want to have a nice night with him go ahead, the next day who cares if he was texting her when he went to the bathroom at 1am. The next morning leave him home and go do something for yourself. He's proven to you that you can not depend on him to be happy. Your life doesn't need to be an open book either. Not saying cheat or deceive him but find some stuff to do so you don't care what he's doing. If he sees you doing your own thing maybe he will realize he needs to change. Maybe he won't but it's not your problem it's his. Take your life back. Be the mother you want to be, be the best at your job, take a cl*** that works on self esteem. Get out there and do something for you and your kids. Because your kids feel what your going through. Do you want them to live this way? Do want a man to walk all over them? I have a daughter and I sure as hell don't, I have a son and don't wan him to lay down and be a door mat for some girl. I know my wife is turned off by me being insecure. Don't matter if she caused it or not plus I don't want to freaking feel that way so I fake it when I need to. She knows before her I had other girlfriends, I was very independent and successful. I'm not going to let what shes done, or what she does hold me down or back. I believe I'm a better father being together with her, I'm just happier around my kids knowing our family is still together if that makes sense. So for now I'm just being good to her but working on me. This post is way long sorry. Just use him to get to where you want to be, it may bring him back aroumd but HES NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY RIGHT NOW. You are. I'm sorry if I was blunt but you need a kick in the ***! :) Go work out in the morning or go for coffee alone. Make today be the first day you started taking control of your happiness. Everything else will fall into place...Stay strong and keep your head up.
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@llmy-10 – When can I go from “assume he’s talking to her” to “assume he’s back on Team Trikel?” His words are good. Most of his actions are good… but I can’t shake the feeling that i’m being deceived.
How are you Trikel honey. I hope you have been good to yourself. Did you start your yoga back up? Thinking of you honey and wishing you strength and courage XXX :-)
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@housemushroom yep! Started Yoga! 
You have been on my mind all today and yesterday. I get so steamed thinking of what he is putting you through. I just want to say to him, stop dumping his sh...t on you. It must be so heart wrenching. Build up a reserve of strength and demand respect or boot him out. I know, easier said than done..... Xx ((hugs))
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@Teeny bikini My therapist believes it is time for me to go on some depression meds. She said that I need to straighten out my emotions so I can think straight. maybe they I’ll be able to boot him out? I Just don’t know.
Mine takes no responSibility for my condition either