He was my everything. I was his nothing. Now it's time for M

He was my everything. I was his nothing. Now it's time for ME to be my own everything. It's time to care for myself and love myself as much as I cared for and lived him. He was never worthy of my love, but I AM WORTHY!

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Yes you are. You are definitely worthy. You are strong. Beautiful. Courageous. Intelligent. Loving. Kind and considerate. And enjoy being you. Love being you. You do it terrificly

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@Natet0499 Thank you. I’ve read a lot of your posts here. You are very strong and have a special talent for connecting with people here.

That's exactly what I need to hear right now :)

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@BrandonHill Its so F’d up that we give so much only to be discarded. I see now, how unhealthy my relationship was. I was always so concerned about taking care of him and his needs, I became this needy, codependant doormat who would take whatever he was willing to give me, just so I wouldn’t be alone. Yes, loneliness sucks. But truth is, I was just as lonely with him. And I was always trying so hard to say the right thing, do the right thing, so he would see I was worthy of his love. I’ve learned that being lonely doesn’t have anything to do with being alone. I can be lonely in a room full of people. Yes, I get lonely being alone so much, but I’m doing what I can to get out there (in real world and here) and be sociable. Have met more people here than in real world, but like everything, meeting people and making friends is a flipping process.

Phone records never lie. PC is hard to clean up completely. Plus why is it they always keep pictures of themselves and their lovers? Especially the naked pictures?

@AntiCM trophies. They are not whole. It still hurts but we can’t think like them and they can’t think like us, I guess.

I love this post. Inspiration and empowering! You are worthy!

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Thats right, you are worthy!!!

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Yes, it is hard. Have you tried going no contact. I know that doesn't help keeping you from thinking about him. Don't remember if I already suggested journaling. When you can't clear your mind, just write everything you think feel. It's okay if you cry while you're writing and don't worry about spelling and grammar. I once wrote five pages about "why do I love you?" I also wrote about all the times he disappointed me, wasn't there for me, ignored my needs, wishes and desires. The more you can remember the negative aspects of relationships and his personality, the easier it gets to stop remembering the good times. And I guarantee you, the bad times outweigh the good times 5 to 1.

I want to feel this way. I feel so rejected by the person who knew me best. Its hard to feel worthy after that. I wish I could be enough, just me. I am searching for my own approval. How did you get here?

@kk1967 It hadn’t been easy. I see a therapist at least once a month. I go to several real world 12-step support groups one of which is for codependency (has helped me the most), and I’m on here often. Even though I live with a roommate and his dog I(just friends) lonliness still gets me down, but i’m learning what triggers my lonliness is usually lack of purpose. Over the past 9 months, I have volunteered (some experiences we’re better than others) joined church groups, found this site, joined real world support groups. I go, alone to do most everything and haven’t yet made any real friends, but I actually got invited to go bowling with other people tonight. Sometimes it feels like I put in a lot of effort for nothing, but then, when I least expect it something positive happens. I also try to be grateful for 3 things every day. If you ever want to private message just support me. It has taken me 9 months to get where I am and I still have bad days, but most of the time can combat the negative thoughts by journaling or trying to focus on what I want out of life. My big goal is an Alaskan cruise. With my income it seems impossible at this point in time, but I’ve started using cash instead of ATM card and Im saving all my change. It’s a plan, a goal. I may reach it and I may not, but it’s something to work towards. I’m not saying I never want to have another romantic relationship, I’m just not making being in a relationship the be all end all of my life. The reason for living… It’s been really hard just figuring out what makes me happy. I spent about 30 years pleasing and taking care of kids and husbands. Now it’s my time to shine… To do what I like to do and if I have to do it alone, so be it. There are many positives to being alone… You don’t ever have to compromise. If I’m hot, I turn on a/c. I don’t have to have a discussion about it or agree to set it higher than I want to. I can put it on 60 and dress in a winter coat without any input from anyone else. If I go out somewhere, I can leave when I want to or change my plans and my decision doesn’t affect anyone else. I actually went 3 months without shaving my legs, just because I wanted to. Nobody to complain. Well, my roomate did notice and made a bit of fun about it. Yes, I’m back to shaving as a matter of personal care… Not to please someone else.

Yes you are!

@justforget Thank you.

Great job! Stay strong!